Got a secret? Can you keep it?

I don't think anything I do is good enough. Right after I hand in even my math homework, I tell myself that I should do better even though I worked my butt off to make it 'perfect'.

I've beenreally afraid of mumies for over a year. I have a lot of trouble going to sleep every night, and I get huge headaches during school ( but only in Spanish and english [no kidding]). Whenever me and my sister get in a fight, my parents take her side. Whenever I get scared, my parents just tell me to face it. I feel like the only time I belong is here, and at lunch with my friends, (mostly boys) who accept me for who I am. I have no idea why I'm telling this to total strangers, but I feel like you guys wont judge me for my faults. Everyone has worse problems, I know, but I wanted to post this to show I cared. It makes me sad when people are sad. You guys are my family. "I can't let my family fail" - Katie. I agree. I wont let you fall.

I reckon I have ADHD. I have been looking into it - the symptoms and crap like that - and most say that I have it as I am showing quite a lot of the symptoms of it. Hyperactivity ADD to be presice. This means that I cant stay still, im always moving or talking. Plus, even though Im good in class, I get distracted easily amd lose my temper easily.
My friends always knew I had something like this as I get angry alot. My parents wont get me diagnosed though...denial.

Whenever my friends and I are at a party with all pur famlies together -New Years is a spacifc one- We've snuck into the alchohal and passed it around. We've been doing that since 6th grade. I always feel pressured into it. It's kind of like I want to, but I know I don't. The other day we did it. I couldn't get up for church in the morning.

My best friend id the only true friend i have.

I tell my parents I'm doing Yoga and then I shut the door and go all out on the internet. I've been doing it for two years now. I've made accounts, made friends, trolled and done a lot of other stuff my parents wouldn't even think about. They think I'm all new to the internet. I don't think I'll ever tell them. I know more than they think I do xD

Oh, and when my dad blocked some stuff on my laptop I would sneak out in the middle of the night, steal his office laptop, go incognito and...yeah. Again, it's been going on for two years. It's a bit freaky xD

I find myself wanting to kill everyone I come across. I shout at them, I hate them, I see their bodies being burned in acid. . . I feel like I'm writing my own one-way ticket to foreveraloneville, just because I can't co-operate with or stand being around other human beings.

Today is the Welsh version of Valentines day and the person I have had a crush on for more than a year waved to me from across the road and, though we were both with our friends, ran across a really busy road just to say Hi to me and give me a hug. He is a year older than me but we get on really well and our personalities are exactly the same; funny, the clown of the group, flirts, nice...etc... I have just realised something amazing and scary; I am, without a shred of doubt, in love. I dont mean a crush, I mean 'Butterflies, always thinking about him, I cant imagine him not being around, I feel different when he isnt around...' We dont speak all the time but we see eachother everyday and smile. Just from saying Hi to me earlier today in the gentlest voice I have ever heard, I think my heart exploded in my chest. Problem is, does he feel the same? If I tell him and I get rejected, I think I will...die. I hate corny stuff like this normally so, to think this stuff and feel it, it must be real.

There's somethign wrong with me. I know it, but I just don't know how to handle it, and I'm afraid.

-I hate love, it sucks and is nothing like you read in fairytales...not for me anyway. Im going to do everything I can to try and get over the guy I love. Even if it means going out with other people.

• I'm pretty sure that I have schizophrenia, but I'm too scared to tell anyone so that I can get tested.
  
• I feel like crap most of the time because I can't get anything right and I'm not good at anything.
  
• I'm a total bish in real life.
  
• I know too much for my own good
  
• I spaz out too much
  
• I was the crybaby from grades 1-3
  
• The only reason I switched to french immersion to get away from bullies
  
• I'm a coward
  
• I'm selfish
  
• I'm inconsiderate of others most of the time
  
• I have no idea how you guys know more than my own mother knows
  
• I'm blowing off my steam by RPing and writing about my feelings through my charries
  
• I hate it when other people take forever ti post, but I shouldn't be talking.
  
• This list goes on and on and on and on because I have too much on my mind and I'm afraid to tell anyone I actually know about it because I'm afraid that they'll make fun of me for it.
  
• I have the mind of a 15 year old at times and the mind of a 5 year old the next.
  
• I think I'm dead uglu, but I don't make it known because I don't wanna seem like one of those people who insult themselves to get compliments.
  
• When my characters are pissed, chances are, that's only because when I was writing that post, I wasn't in a good mood.
  
• This is the only site where I haven't lied about my identity and such.
  
• I've let you guys know too much and I'm starting to get scared of telling you guys more, but I can't go back to banging on instruments.
  
• I barely talk to anyone else and I'm sulking behind the same screen for 6+ hours a day because I have asolutely no life and I'm too stubborn ot actually accept it and do something.
  
• I feel like the internet has taken over my life and there's no going back.
  
• I hate my life and feel like crap.
  
• My life is a joke. It's always been, but I've been to oblivious to the truth untill now.

So, I've pretty much self diagnosed myself with Depression and ADHD, but I havent told anyone about it.

my friend said that the key to getting boys to like you is your chest area. now i'm self conscious about my chest and i'm trying to stuff.

I can't believe I fell for this guy. I was so stupid.
I'm a Freshman, (A Stupid Frosh, as we say at my school) and there is this amazingly cute guy whom I have three classes with. (Plus one elective last semester, but that's besides the point) He's a Sophmore actually, and a great football player. This makes him almost entirely out of my league. (I say almost because I ha had hopes)We're good friends, (sadly) and I'm pretty sure my best one (guy wise) actually. I developed a crush for him a long time ago. The one thing however he decided to keep from me was the fact that he had a girlfriend.
Or at least, I think he does. He definitly made it known by making out with her in the hallways today.
But the thing is, I feel so stupid...and nobody ever knew about my crush. I never told anyone.
I came home and actually cried today. I never would have thought I would see the day I'd cry over a guy. I thought I was better than that. Apparently I'm dead wrong because it hurt...a lot. I don't know if I'll be able to face him tomorrow...


. . . I feel pathetic. . .

I feel utterly pathetic. Yep, P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C
•I don't know when it all started but I've been getting depressed more and more everyday. Every single small thing ita either I lose it or cry heavily. My classmate today had faced me. He told me I'm too passive, and he's not actually saying that I'm a nerd- since I do sports and actually have a life- but he says that I'm too much of an anti-social person. Which I am. He told me he doesn't believe I am, but I do chose to avoid eye contact everywhere. He even said somebody out there cared for me but I didn't care for yself. I felt guilty. I am guilty. It's been eating me slowly for the pas hour, every laugh forced and every smile fake. I never were one to be depressed, but I managaed even thinking of suicide. Yep, don't make me spell that out again. Anyways, this guy is really funy and happy go lucky, but it took him a moment to know I'm not entirely sure about what I mean in life. I don't know myself. I wish I never exsisted. I'm just a menace. Even now as I speak, my whole family is enjoying tv. I think I'm jealous of my sister. My parents love her most, I think. When she's asked to do something, it always starts with please. If I am asked, there's no other option for me. I feel trapped. Lost.

I got raped and now i'm pregnant with their kid and i'm 14

~ I think my mum almost had a heart attack when she came home early from work and found me and my boyfriend (at the time) making out on the sofa with the music turned up full blast.
~ I sometimes do....very weird things impulsivly. Want a real example? I was in school, had a picture of Justin Bieber shirtless on my HTC, I licked the screen loads and wiped it on my friend in the year below me who hates JB. I also went round yelling 'innapropraite' things about Gerran Howell (my play-by for my charrie Chris), got in trouble and was sent to the head-mistresses office for "using terms and saying things that a thirteen year old shouldn't say"
:P