KorbinGalligan`s Charecters

Name: Acren Soreus
Age/Birthday:June 11th 1999
Gender:Male
God Parent:Hephaestus
Mortal Parent:Bella Soreus
Years in Camp:None

Brief History:Has Had Some Unusual Afflictions in the past and Has been Scarred and Sometimes Abused by his step father,Blamed for a little bit of Property Destruction In museums car shops and other stores,Birth place was Indiana,Has moved to several locations before mother was married.Trys to control anger from time to time but if angerd severly he looses control and has had Files of Fighting students very often.Cares for birds often from caring for some in a pet shop.

Physical Apperance: skin tanned and slightly scarred,Black Hair, 5Ft 1Inch tall,Almost a Squared face and jaw,Weight,98 Pounds,Arms Muscled from years of lifting,pushing,and welding things.

Personality:Sometimes agitated,Noramlly like helping people out,If Angry mostly becomes stern but Rarly Enraged,Shy around Girls,Loves metel work,Cares for Animals especially in birds,Usually doesent like school and had a Attention defect,likes Sports with metel Clubs or Bats such as baseball and Golf,Is interested in History,Is Also Very clumsy and doesent pay attention to my Surroundings Very often

Pets:Sparrow
Talents:Building and Welding
Weapons:None
Other:My Religion Mainly comes from Great Britan and Ireland,Been in fights with some rather strange things and sometimes sees things unnatural like monsters,snake women,Etc.

Hi, and welcome to CHB!

Now, you're character, eh, could use some work. For history, please be more descriptive. Talk about their birth place, any birthdays, etc. There is no 'normal half-blood' appearance. Be creative and descriptive! Talk about weight, height, skin color, eyes, hair, body built, etc. For personality, please elaborate some more.

Thanks!

Alright thanks im still new to this i havent roleplayed for awile... well except for roblox... but ive been on that game scince i was 7 time to get into a new Game

Hey Korbin, welcome to CHB! I'm Inaniloquist, but feel free to just call me Inan.
Hahaha, I feel like a repeat, but well... greeting people's fun and all.

Music's pretty much covered what needed to be said in terms of critique. It might be a good idea to check out some other people's character pages just to see what the admin are looking for? Not to mention a lot of times, people leave comments of advice on people's character pages, and reading over those is helpful as well.

(Protip: If you go to the main page, and scroll down to the very bottom, there's a chatbox!)

Anyway, if you have any questions or want to talk or anything, send me a PM.
See you around!

Is this Good? if anything else needs modifying just tell me (And again im a bad Speller! :x )

It's a lot better! You may want to elaborate on some of the ideas you're touching on though.

Like... for your character's history you mention some things that would be really interesting to hear the full story. Like, what sort of unusual affliction was it? Was it an affliction that cause him to stay in the hospital all the time? Don't forget that your character's brief history does affect what kind of person they are as well, so if Acren was raised in a hospital, maybe he's really naive, because he hasn't interacted much with other kids.
Also the property damage and his mother's remarriage are some other things you may want to talk about more. They sound like they could bring some interesting things to the table.

It might be a good idea to also expand on your character's personality as well in a similar way. There are once again a lot of points that could be explained so much more.
Acren is aggitated sometimes, but what is it that makes him like that? Why is it that he becomes stern when angry instead of going into a rage?
Also don't forget that all demi-gods have a fatal flaw!

All in all, your character is a lot better, but I think there are still some areas where it can be improved. Sorry if I've intimidated you or anything, but I'm just trying to help XD

Everything said above is correct. Also, try using complete sentences.

I just asked Inan he said it was good just got to wait for it to get approved WOO HOO!

Great character; well done. (: You really listen well to different suggestions! Accepted.