CYOA: THE BEST SLEEPOVER EVER [TEXT, WITH AN OCCASIONAL PICTURE]

This decked out fellow happens to be you. Isn't that just peachy?
You happen to be standing in Crab Nicholson's yard, one of the hardest dungeons in THE GAME.
You are nearing the entrance to his home, to take part in the BEST SLEEPOVER EVER.
But before you go on, what is your name?

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ General Lucificeus Basaldor Coscorillian III ]

Haha, you wish that were your whole name.
Your name is Basaldor Coscorillian. You are currently in the LABRYNTH OF DAEDALUS, in the PARADISIO section, on the STAIRWAY OF REVALATION, near the entrance to CRAB NICHOLSON'S HOUSE. A long and perilous trip it has been, but it will all be worth it when you gain the DELICIOUS CAEK. You are on floor 312. you only have two more floors to ascend before you reach your destination. However, a few ENEMIES guard the enterance to the next floor. Two SEA CRABS, a SKELETON WARLORD, a BLACK KNIGHT, and about fifteen BLACK PAWNS.
What do you do?

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ I'm going to teach those punks a lesson for getting between me and my CAEK. ]

And as thus, a lesson shall be taught.

STRIFE!

Black Pawn15
Sea Crab2
Skeleton Warlord
Black Knight
><><><><><
>100,000,000 HP<
>500,000 MP<
ATTACK
THROW
YELL
DANCE
MAGIC
MAGICK
MAJJIK
INVENTORY
SUMMON
BRIBE
AN HERO
GUARD
RUN

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» SUMMON <--

You summon the only esper you think is appropriate...

CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER

He hurls bodily fluids, AIDS, crudely drawn smut, my little ponies, gaemless consoles, and blowup dolls everywhere, causing mortal damage to your enemies.

A WINRAR IS YOU!

You get:
A GREEK WAR AXE
A RUSTY DAGGER
A DRILL CODPIECE
A POTION
A SMELLY SOCK
A SONICHU PENDANT(USELESS GARBAGE)
A SWORD OF TRUTH(ALSO GARBAGE)
MEL GIBSON

Everything that isn't garbage you stuff into your inventory.
What do you do?
gonna go afk for a while

(( Kay. :] ))

»» [ Combine items: POTION and SMELLY SOCK

Use item: MEL GIBSON ]

Crispy Bacon wrote:

(( Kay. :] ))

»» [ Combine items: POTION and SMELLY SOCK

Use item: MEL GIBSON ]

nevermind the afk my lil bro is weird


You combine the POTION and the SMELLY SOCK to create...
MAN JUICE IN A BOTTLE
...
You'll just put this in your inventory and forget about itFORESHADOWINGFORESHADOWING

You cannot use MEL GIBSON right now! It isn't the right time!

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ Continue to next floor. ]

You proceed on to the next floor.

The whole room is made empty, exept for a man, facing in the oppisite direction of you, infront of the exit.

"I am /v/, guardian of the slumber party. I have fought countless enemies, killed an entire army, pwned a mod, and defeated the cancer lord. I cannot let you pass, traveler. Unless you can defeat me, and I doubt you can," He turns to face you. "BECAUSE I AM THE CANCER."

STRIFE!

/v/
><><><><><
>100,000,000 HP<
>490,000 MP<
ATTACK
THROW
YELL
DANCE
MAGIC
MAGICK
MAJJIK
INVENTORY
SUMMON
BRIBE
AN HERO
GUARD
RUN

OH NO! D20, D20! D20! s*** s*** WHY DID I GIVE AWAY MY SPIDER SLIPPERS?

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ Throw Mel Gibson at the guard and run for the last floor. ]

You fumble and accidently throw the bottle of man juice at him. It happens to be his weakness, and a critical hit. He is killed instantly, and you gain 15,000,000,000. You are now level 8563!

You ascend to the last level, and...

You are now LooseAnon. Well actually, no. Nobody can be LooseAnon but LooseAnon. You can suggest things to him, but he may not listen. He is currently in the Fields of Valhalla. What should you ask him?

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ So i herd u liek mudkipz, DO U LIEK MUDKIPZ? ]

"Why yessssss, I indeed do like mudkipz. But now is not the time." He is floating north-wards.

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ Mmkay. Can you help me get my cake? ]

"No, I can't, because frankly, I hate you. But then again, I hate everyone. SO basicly, you can do it yourself."

The connection is cut, and you are now the real protagonist again. You are in the STOP AND SAVE, the shop before every increadibly dubious and stupidly difficult DUNGEONS. Like CRAB NICHOLSON'S HOUSE.

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ "Well... I HATE YOU TOO!"

Wait for the save to finish before continuing on. ]

You haven't saved yet, you goof! But there is some stuff to do before you go. You are really running low on recovery items. And you'll probably need better equipment too.
Maybe you should go talk to the shopkeep?

Crispy Bacon wrote:

»» [ Save and talk to the shopkeep. ]

You save, then talk to the Elderly Shopkeep.

"'Ello' there youngster! We don't see too many guests around these parts. Would you like to purchase some merchandise?

Potion
MidPotion
HiPotion
Elixir
HiElixir
MagicDrink
MagickDrink
MajjikDrink
DanceInstuctionsXVII
BookOfInsultsXIV
(SWORD)Blade of Hel
(SHIELD)Guard of Archangels
(AXE)RAEEEEEEEEEEEEG!!!
(KNIFE)Killer's Steakknife
(BOW)Winged Death
(GLOVE)Kaiser Knuckles
(ARMOR)Valor Plate
(BOOTS)Valor Boots
(GLOVES)Valor Gauntlets
(PROJECTILE)Holy Hand Grenade
(PROJECTILE)'Splosive Arrows
(PROJECTILE)Rabid Kitten
(SUMMON)Killborg