no one notices your brand new t-shirt // arcsa

Archer sat on the very end of the lunch table, a book in his lap and a plate of picked over, discarded food on the table. The demigod was bent over, his brown hair tickling his eyes, liquid amber in the sunlight. The wind rustled the yellowed pages of the book he was skimming over, brushing over his hands and turning them into icicles. It was cold out this evening, and Archer had neglected to wear the proper attire. That was weird for him, because usually he did everything he could to keep warm and out of the elements, but tonight something was wrong with him. Maybe it all started with the death of Kalina, a person he’d hardly known, or maybe it all started when Tessa rejected him at the ice rink. Either way, Archer Thrush was not Archer Thrush. He’d lost all appetite, and the food here tasted bland anyways. It was only because of the urgings of his twin that Archer bothered to eat, even if his reasoning was to get Landon to quit nagging him. Archer knew perfectly well the affects he was doing to his body; the weight loss, the dark bags under his eyes, and the mental strain he was putting himself under. The only thing that really appeased to the boy was reading, the activity that reflected the genes of Athena. Everything in this book was scribbled in greek and almost impossible to read, but Archer managed to decode it. Right now it seemed like he was reading about how to fix a boat in the middle of the ocean, something he would never have experience doing. After a while of reading, Archer straightened his back and stretched. He hadn’t moved in hours, it seemed.

Someone bumped into him, and the demigod quickly withdrew his leg from the walkway. He uttered an apology verbally, knowing that the person probably didn’t know American Sign Language. Most people didn’t, they didn’t seem to have consideration for the others that were considered ‘disabled’. Archer didn’t consider himself disabled; he was able to do everything a person who could hear, sometimes even better, he just did it differently. However, he looked up at the person on a whim, just to see if the demigod knew them. Fate would have it that he did, and the person was Tessa Traverse. Surprise didn’t seem to be evident on Archer’s face, as it was very highly plausible that he’d see Tessa here. After all, people had to eat. People that weren’t him and just grabbed a hamburger, with the mindset of letting it sit for an hour and a half while the grease congealed on top, making it uneatable. No, Archer’s face was that of pallid calmness, a little sprinkle of boredom mixed in. It wasn’t like he was mad at Tessa for rejecting him, but oh gods it hurt. It hurt his heart every time he thought about that day, and how happy he was. Archer, like so many others, did not deserve to be happy. 

But it wasn’t just the feeling of depression that had gripped him and made him what he was today - a walking skeleton. It was also a little bit of fear. Fright was also a key player in this, and with all the mysterious deaths and bizarre howls during the night, Archer’s fear factor was up tenfold. He often slept with a knife and flashlight under his pillow nowadays, with his bow and arrow just at the side of his bed. Ripping himself from his mental thoughts, the boy thought he should talk to Tessa. After all, even if she wouldn’t go out with him that didn’t mean that they couldn’t be friends. ‘Hi.' Archer signed to her, closing the book and placing it on the table. ‘How… how are you? And Jared?’ He hated Jared’s stupid face, but it seemed like a conversation starter. Tessa deserved so much better than that jerk, she deserved someone like himself.

Life, in Archer’s expert opinion, was complete shit. Nothing lasted forever, not even the sweet summer days of your childhood. There had been a time long ago, that the legend thought that everything good would continue until he was dead, only a pile of dust in a coffin, but he knew better now. Ever since the explosion that rendered him deaf and killed anybody he had ever loved, Archer knew that his beliefs were false. While he was in the hospital with Landon, recovering from his burns and trying in vain to regain some hearing, Archer became increasingly dismal. The doctors and nurses couldn’t revive him out of his stupor, and even his twin brother failed in trying to get him to smile. Archer just hadn’t the heart to do anything but curl into a ball and cry. Over time the boy’s had gotten better, though Archer's hearing loss was permanent, and so was his depressing outlook on life. Nothing would be the same again, and the degree of happiness that he had once felt with his brother, sister, and parents, had faded completely from his life and would ever return again. But once the legend arrived at camp and met Tessa, the spark that warmed his heart and made him feel somewhat alive again, Archer thought things would be different. With Tessa, he smiled more and forgot about the grievous mistakes he made. When Tessa was around, Archer’s past and dead family weren’t a constant reminder. She didn’t know about his family, and he doubted she ever would. To everyone here at camp, Archer was a mystery, a book half unread. His past was just too painful to tell anyone, Tessa included. She just made him feel happy and good again.

So why was this time different? Why did Archer feel a pit of dry, crumbling sadness in his stomach instead of a burst of euphoria?  He tried looking at his best friend, but couldn’t meet her eyes; it was just too painful. So the boy stared at the table, noticing the many grains in the wood, counting the vertical crevices on each board just to pass the time. He wanted to scream at Tessa, to tell her it was all her fault that he was like this and he’d wish he’d never met her. But that wouldn’t have been the truth, and Archer couldn’t lie no matter how much he wasted to. It was only partially Tessa’s fault that he was like this, the other two contributing factors were Kalina’s death and the explosion. He eyed Tessa’s hands as she signed to him, and the boy was glad that she at least had the decency to treat him like a human. That was probably Archer’s favorite thing about Tessa, how she didn’t treat him lesser just because he couldn’t hear.

’That’s good.’ He replied, though it wasn’t really. Archer wished Jared would get murdered and his body never found, because he was a jerk face and a moron and an idiot. Jared probably couldn’t recite the first thirty-six numbers of pi like Archer could. ‘I’m happy for you.’ He couldn’t tell a lie, and this wasn’t exactly one. Because Archer was content with Tessa being happy, she was his favorite person next to Landon and deserved it. It was just she was happy with the wrong person. When Tessa changed the subject and asked how he was, the boy shook his head slowly, feeling tears prick at his eyes. It hurt. His entire body heart. His heart hurt. The pain he felt was a record high, and he couldn’t stop it. Continuing not to look at her, the legend placed his head on the table, telling himself he was forbidden from crying in front of Tessa. The boy took a shuddering gasp, the cold air quenching the burning his lungs felt, and for once he was glad it was cold out. 

Archer’s fingers fumbled as he signed. ‘I’m depressed.’ That was the simplest answer he could give. Because of all the events that were happening around camp, and the memories that plauged him at night, Archer couldn’t cope. ‘I’m tired.’ Late nights had come to him lately, sleep just wouldn’t grant him peace. Pictures of flames and smoke, the sound of shattering glass and screams were his companions in the dark, and he couldn’t find freedom. ‘I’m done.’ Because Archer just wanted some happiness, and Tessa was his light, even if his heart was trampled on by her. It didn’t matter, he knew she wouldn’t actually hurt him, his heart was just collateral damage.

The walls of the past, the spires of the present, and the skyscrapers of the future all had to come down at some point. They all had to crumble into ash and dust as memories were reveled during late night whispers and bright daytime stories. Nothing was secret for long, it would eventually come to light and the truth would be out in the open. Archer knew this all too well, and yet he still hid from Tessa, a turtle reverting inside a shell whenever a predator was around. Despite Tessa being his best friend, and despite him trusting her completely and entirely, to the moon and back, Archer could not bring himself to tell her about his parents death. The wounds of time had only just been sauntered together, and the boy knew that they could be reopened in a split second of wrong turns and stupid decisions. With his head on the desk, Archer tapped his foot along to some invisible, inaudible beat that he imagined. First it was random, no particular pattern could be noticed. But the more the legend did it, the more the rhythm turned turned into something like a heart beat. Ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum. He was spilling his heart out onto the floor, trying to keep the anxiety down. Archer could smell the grease of the hamburger and felt bile rising up in the back of his throat. He couldn’t even think about food, let alone touch it, so he merely pushed to neglected and uneaten food away from him, head still on the table, gears in his brain turning feverishly. 

Of course Archer didn’t notice when Tessa uttered his name, as he wasn’t looking anywhere near her. Instead, he closed his eyes and stayed perfectly still. It was only when she signed something to him did the legend take interest. Did he want to talk? No. Would it help? Maybe. Being a stubborn little twat was written somewhere in his DNA, but he was too tired to form a cohesive argument as to why it was a shitty idea to engage in conversation with his best friend. Archer couldn’t lose Tessa; he needed her like birds needed to fly, like a fish needed water. When she was around, he could breathe easier and walk with a spring in his step. Still, would she think less of him if he told her his past? How he failed to help his parents? How it was only Landon and him, and he was doing a pretty shitty job at keeping what little ties to family he had left tied together? Fear icily gripped at his heart, making his blood pump slower and making him lightheaded. Archer took a shaky breath and nodded. The boy sat up so Tessa could see him sign better, but his eyes were still closed tight as the memories came flooding back to him. Memories he would otherwise try and forget. 

‘I had a… a little sister, and two parents. They were the best people you could ever meet and I think about them everyday so much it hurts. Everything… Everything was…. Everything was perfect.’ The words were getting harder to form, his fingers feeling like lead instead of nimble flesh and bone. ‘Of course, according to science, nothing perfect lasts forever. Mom and dad, they were scientists. Brilliant ones, too. But they were a bit reckless, and one day Landon and I were walking home from school, and we were just a couple of houses away, and our house…’ Archer paused for a long time here, blinking rapidly. It was something he had always done ever since he was a kid whenever he was anxious or nervous about something, it was his own personal nervous tick. He thought talking to someone about this would help, but it just made him ache with homesickness and longing instead. 

‘Our house exploded, Tessa. I can still smell the smoke and see the flames. My sister and parents died tragically, and that was how I lost my hearing.’ The legend looked up at the ceiling of the mess hall, tears in his unusually calm blue eyes, the color of the sea after a particularly horrible storm. He still hadn’t looked at Tessa throughout this whole meeting, refusing to meet her eyes because if he did he’d just break down. ‘I miss them. I miss them so much and I miss you, and I wish stupid jerk Jared was dead.’