when you feel my heat look into my eyes it's where my demons hide [chaos]

"Haha, very funny." Fern replied sarcastically before making a face. She watched as he harmed her opponent and sighed. "I could've done that." She mumbled under her breath. Fern watched as Melissa fell to the ground.  She wanted to laugh, but she was in too much pain to laugh. She tried to at first, but it came out as a wince. She looked down at the cut on her leg. It was pretty deep, but you could see a part of the knife sticking out. She knew she had to pull it out. No matter what they did at the infirmary she knew they would have to take it out. They would try to numb it at least, but it didn't matter to Fern. It would still hurt.

"I-I guess you'll have to carry me, but I have to t-take it out. Just g-give me your h-hand." She said her voice shaking and her face beginning to pale to an ash gray. For once in her life, she was unsure of what to say. Fern quickly grabbed his hand with her left because she knew her right was more steady. She quickly took a shaky breath before putting her hand on the hilt of the knife. She took the knife out of the cut and tried not to scream. She felt bad for Nathan who's hand she was squeezing very hard, restraining herself from screaming. When the knife was out, she looked at it. It was slicked with her dark red blood, it beginning to drip onto the floor. Fern quickly set the knife down, already feeling a bit lightheaded from loosing all the blood that was soaking through her jeans.

Fern was about to answer his question, but paused and just shook her head. Why didn't she? It seemed easy, and Fern was a good fighter. She was almost practicing all the time. She sighed. She almost laughed at his second question. That was the question. Why did she do it? Fern laughed almost to herself and looked up at him. She knew the reason. She had been doing stupid things ever since then. "Because I have nothing to live for." She replied. Fern's parents had died a long time ago, but the memory was still fresh in her head. Their bodies laying on the floor after the attack. She quickly shook her head to get rid of the thoughts.

Fern listened to his words. Everything is going to be okay. She had heard those words before. Plenty of times. But it never did. It was almost a promise that they couldn't keep. A future that would never happen. It always made her angry. Who were they to tell her that she'd be okay? Even though she never would be with her  father and step-mother gone? Disappeared form her life, never to be seen or talked to again? But she could never be mad at Nathan. He was her friend. Her only friend. That was the weird thing though. She wasn't exactly sure how they became friends. One of her pranks she assumed.

Fern was aware that he had picked her up and took her to the infirmary. She was also aware of what he said. She tried to stay awake. She didn't want to die just because of a stupid mistake. She was holding on to something. That was what was keeping her alive and awake. She wasn't actually sure what she was holding on to. Nathan? That was the only one she cared about. The only one that ever care about her.

At the infirmary they fixed her up quickly. She was glad about that. Fern had to stay for awhile though. They wanted to make sure she didn't get severely hurt or whatever. She didn't really care just bored. But then she remembered. Where was Nathan? She felt bad that he was probably waiting or he could've left. It didn't matter to her. But she did want him to know she was alright. "Nathan?" She called, her voice echoing off the walls.

Fern grinned when he pulled a chair over. She hadn't smiled in a while. She mostly smirked, a mischievous smile of hers that was always on her face. But she never got to smile about anything, genuinely being happy about something. "I'm alright, half dead, but I'm alright." She said laughing. Fern flinched when he touched her. She never let people touch her otherwise she'd break their arm or stab them or something. She decided to just leave it alone. It was just a friendly gesture, right? She thought it was, but she wasn't quite sure. But did she like him? She was quite sure about that either. He was nice and everything so why not? That was another thing she wasn't sure about. She did like him, but she didn't want to see him get hurt. Everyone she had ever loved before had gotten hurt. She didn't want Nathan to get hurt. She loved him too much. He was the only friend she had in the entire camp. She'd have to change her feelings. Manipulate them into thinking that she just liked him as a friend. As a brother, not a lover.

Fern forced herself to laugh at his joke so that it would seem as if nothing was wrong. Even though everything was. She quickly sat up on her bed. "Could you stay? It's a bit drab here." She said gesturing to the empty beds. She was the only one here so far. Of course, fern was alone and she had to get hurt. The gods just had to curse her. It was her fate for everything to go wrong. She sighed. She looked at Nathan and smiled. A fake one of course. Why would Fern be genuinely smiling in a situation like this? "So uh how's your sister Anna or Andra or whatever?" She asked trying to make some conversation. If he was going to stay here might as well try to talk to him.

Fern shrugged. "I guess." She responded. They were both the same thing to her. Dead. Alive. Same thing, at least to Fern it was. She was still alone either way. Nathan was here for her. Or did she think he was when he really wasn't? She didn't know what to think of Nathan. Nathan was cute and nice. Did Fern like him like a friend? More then friend? A million questions were running through her head, some she didn't know how to answer. Fern wished she had a friend, a girl particularly, to help her. But of course, no one was Fern's friend. She was mean and cold-hearted. She couldn't blame them. Nathan was her friend only because the good old Fern had just come from nowhere and apologized to Nathan. The good Fern tended to do that a lot, come out of nowhere and apologize to anyone she was currently being mean to.

Fern looked at the boy he was pointing at. He seemed normal enough to her, but she just shrugged it off. Maybe Nathan had met him before? "How is he a weirdo?" She asked curiously before glancing at the boy again. His mother? What happened to her? She didn't remember him mentioning something happening to his mother. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your mother?" Hopefully, the same thing that happened to Fern's mother didn't happen to his. She felt bad for his sister, wishing for their mother to get better. Fern laughed at what he said about her not getting in trouble. "If she meets me she will." She said smiling.

Fern watched as Nathan thought about what she said. She hadn't meant to make him sad or actually think about death. She just didn't know what to reply and this was what happened when she didn't know how to answer things. It was the same for Fern considering she had no one here for her. She was mean and terrible to everyone and she'd probably end up in the worst place there was in the Underworld. Nathan at least had his mom and his sister. Fern saw as he gave her a smile. A fake one of course. This wasn't the time to actually be happy. Nothing was ever happy in her world. She smiled back at him to reassure him that she was okay even though she wasn't.

Fern listened to the what happened to his mom. It was nothing near what happened to Fern's mother. She had been attacked by hellhounds along with her father. She had been defenseless then being only ten and was hidden in a closet. If it weren't for her dad, she wouldn't be alive. She guessed there was a difference between being dead and alive. It would've been a waste for her dad to risk his life for her. He could've been alive if she wanted to die. Fern looked up at Nathan. "You're mom could sti-" She had never gotten to finish her sentence because Nathan had kissed her. She hadn't gotten a chance to do anything because she was too shocked to do something, anything. Fern heard his apology before pulling him down by his shirt collar for another kiss.