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hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook
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pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:50 pm
Last edited by pinkgirl on Sun Dec 15, 2013 3:07 pm; edited 7 times in total
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Sat Nov 30, 2013 10:19 pm
November 30, 2013
Journal Entry #1
I've never been much of a writer. Well at least, writing my thoughts down sort of writer. People always say you should keep a journal, so when you become an important person they have some records of you. I doubt I'll become famous, but better to be safe then sorry. So, this is my first journal entry. I don't really know what to write considering there isn't much to write. Last night I couldn't sleep, so I went out for a smoke. I met a kid named Skyler. He seems nice, except he called me Katarina. I tried not to strangle him. I just did the thing my foster family told me to do. I closed my eyes and calmed myself down. I never thought it would work, but I decided I would try it since this kid I don't know, I just have a feeling. It's really weird feeling I've never had before. I can just tell Skyler is going to be my best friend. I just know it, I don't know it exactly. I'm just really excited because I've never had a best friend let alone made a friend. Machines were always my best friend. I could just tell them my secrets and they wouldn't spill them or start spreading rumors about me. I tried to make friends once before, it didn't work out well. My foster mom just thinks I need a therapist. I thought that was really retarded, but she made me go to a session anyway. It didn't really help much. My mom thought I was just a little to 'rough' for the other kids. I just hope Skyler doesn't find out about my past. I actually wouldn't blame him if he stopped being my friend because of my past. He would probably think I would shoot him in the middle of the night too. Anyway, it just makes me smile when I say the word 'friend' out loud. It just echoes through my head. I can't actually believe I have a friend for once. I always smile when I say the word.
Anyway, I should leave because I have to go eat dinner in the Mess Hall. I don't want to be late or I'll get kitchen duty. I just hate that weird lava stuff that cleans off the dishes. It sometimes goes through my plastic gloves and gets under my nails. I don't appreciate having to scrub lava out from under my nails. Anyway bye.
Kat, not Katarina.
Last edited by pinkgirl on Sun Dec 15, 2013 3:07 pm; edited 2 times in total
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Sat Dec 14, 2013 7:48 pm
December 1, 2013
I managed to dig through some old junk and found some old photos of me. I can't believe I found some and some of these are really bad pictures of me. All well, at least no one will be looking in here but me.
This is me on the phone. This is in Hawaii with my foster family. I think my younger sister took this.
She took another photo of me on the phone. I think I was just talking to some old kids I used to know at the orphanage.
This is me going to some stupid high school party. This is my favorite picture of me, but this is the night I first tried smoking.
This was me when I dyed the roots of my hair brown. It eventually came out sadly. I thought it looked cool.
My family took me to a race car race. I took a picture on track. I really like this picture. I just wish one of my foster family sisters would've gotten in the picture.
This is me one day at school. I got rid of that shirt though. I think this was before I went to my foster family, with my birth mom.
I went shopping by myself in New York City. There's a lot there. At least more then Hawaii. We don't have that much stuff there.
This me driving for the first time. I got a fake license and I.D. from the Hermes kids. You never know what you're going to need it. Just in case, I have to murder someone again.
That's the last of the pictures so far. I probably have more, I just have to keep looking. But I'm just way too lazy. It's hidden all the way back in my closet. Anyway, bye.
Kat, not Katarina.
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Sun Dec 15, 2013 3:08 pm
December 14, 2013
Journal Entry #3
I am so so sorry I haven't written to you yet. I've been quite busy so I haven't had a chance to write. Well anyway, I better get started. I've been having more nightmares and flashbacks about my mom. It's been affecting my building. There's also  some good dreams that come every other month. They do make me in a brighter mood, but something about them just makes me feel weird. It's almost like she's still alive. I know she isn't, but it makes me have a sense of doubt that she might still be alive. How though? I'm pretty sure I shot her in the heart. The red sheets that were once white, can prove it. Hopefully, she is because then I might have to shoot her again. If I have to shoot again, I might not even shoot her.
Now that all the bad thoughts are out of they way, let's get to the good thoughts. I called my foster family in Hawaii and they told me they missed me. Alana talked to me on the phone though. She said she was still scared of storms. I felt kind of bad, but I can't do much considering I'm on the other side of the world. I remember when I used to try and clam her down. I just used to tell her stories and that everytime that lightning striked I would just say that the Angels were playing bowling they got a strike. I shouldn't probably be saying angels considering there's gods and goddesses. I don't think Alana knows that I'm a demi-god. I don't blame Helena and Brian for not telling her. A hellhound could come and attack her. It could even kill her. Anyway, Brian and Helena told me to call them mom and dad. I don't mind calling Brian 'dad', but Helena I'm not so sure about calling her 'mom.' It's not that I don't like her, I really do like her. It's just... if I call her mom, it would be like I forgot mom or that I'm repacing her. I really do miss mom though. Why the hell did I even have to shoot her? Oh wait, old on kust give me a second to look at the scars on my back and wrists to remind me why I shot her. I have to go. I'll probably right more later or tomorrow. I don't really know. I better leave before I start rambling over something really stupid. Bye.
Kat, not Katarina.
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Mon Jan 20, 2014 4:55 pm
January 19, 2014
Journal Entry #4
Wow, I haven't written in here for a long time. You can't blame me though, I've been going through a 'phase' you might say. Christmas was okay I guess. But New Year's Eve sucked like hell. I've should've expected this to happen.
I killed someone again. I should probably me fleeing the country or something like that, but I can't. When I walk to the Mess Hall for dinner or something I see the disgusted looks people give me. I just can't leave. I can't leave Skyler. I'd feel guilty if I did. But I should tell you who I murdered. Colin. I feel bad, but don't know how to make for it. I didn't even mean for it to happen. I just meant to kill the monster that was near him. I was trying to protect him, but instead did the opposite. I'm a murderer. It used to hurt to say it. I used to try to call myself something different, but there's no other way to put it. I'm a killer. I can do nothing to change it.
I try to do nothing in my cabin, try to starve myself or deprive myself of sleep, but nothing can seem to fix what I did. Nothing ever will. There's only one thing left, that could possibly make up for it. I'm not sure if it will exactly make for it, but it's that's the closest thing I got ending Colin's life. I'm actually going for the idea considering I've been hurting too many people. First my mom, then my step-dad (even though he deserved it), and now Colin. I can't hurt anyone else. I'm tired of it. I just want to be free of guilt and actually be free.
Katarina, because I'm not even sure who Kat is anymore.
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Wed Jan 22, 2014 6:35 pm
January 20, 2014
Journal Entry #5
I've written in here 2 days in a row. A new record. Yay. At least there's something good in my life. The past 24 hours have been alright you could say. It was alright for a demigod. For a mortal, it wouldn't be alright you could say....
Well, I might as well tell you what happened since I got nothing better to do. I was just staring at the wall like always 'till Skyler came. Okay actually, I'm too lazy to tell you the rest. Skyler, in the end, stabbed himself. I didn't understand why, but of course it reminded me of her. You probably know what I'm talking about. I practically mention her in all my journal entries. Just the blood spreading on the sheets. I didn't scream like a normal person would've done. I'm kinda immune to blood now since I killed so many people. But I didn't leave him there. I had to help him. I couldn't just leave him there to die. I actually wouldn't know what to do if he died. I'd probably just blame myself and neglect myself more. I guess that wouldn't have made a difference, but once I'd start going back to normal (which I probably won't) I'd be bored without the kid. We smoked all our cigarettes together. I still have that journal entry about when I met him. Ew I still stink at writing though. But the person then seems so different to the person now. That person was just Kat, the person who hated being called Katarina. Now, I don't even know who I am anymore. I guess I'm just Katarina. I better go before I start talking about my name or something stupid like that.
Katarina.
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:03 pm
February, 14, 2014
Journal Entry #6
It's Valentine's Day. Hooray. I can feel more alone then ever. I forgot to write. Again. Oops. Well, it's not in my schedule so how am I supposed to remember? Not much happened I supposed. I got a package from mom and dad. Just some chocolate and a card from Alana. Nothing new. I just sleep, eat, and smoke. Sleep, eat and smoke. Sleep, eat and smoke. Wow, my life I boring. Nice way to emphasize that journal. You get to listen to a boring girl's life. Well actually my life is better then a mortal since I can get battle monsters and stuff. But still, you get my point. I'm going to go before I realize how more boring my life is.
Katarina.
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:22 pm
February, 14, 2014
Journal Entry #7
Nothing interesting still hasn't happened. I should probably be grateful, but I don't know. I'm kina used to something exciting to happened. Whatever. I met a girl named Kitty. She seems nice. I met her when I was smoking, like when I met Skyler. I haven't seen him in awhile. He probably wouldn't wanna see me anyways so it's not like matters. But I do miss him. I look dumb and alone now when I smoke. All well.
Kitty also smokes. I've never made friends with a girl before. Nevertheless, a girl who smoked. What do girls usually do? I'm not a normal girl. I don't go shopping and talk about boys. All well, I'll forget it out on the way. Hopefully, I'll learn it quick. I don't want to embarrass myself. I also found a picture of me when I was like six or seven:
Don't I look adorable? I don't know who took the picture though sadly and the date I was taken. It was probably mom. I gotta go now before I start crying about her and everything. Bye.
Katarina.
pinkgirl Experienced Poster
Posts : 2915 Join date : 2011-08-28 Location : in the middle of a cake
Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:50 pm
February, 14, 2014
Journal Entry #6
I'm alive still. I bet you thought I disappeared. Well guess what? I didn't. Sucks for me, sucks for you, sucks for everyone. I've gotten used to blaming myself for Colin's death. There's not much I can do about it all well. I don't feel like writing right now. I might go smoke my cigarette. I have better things to do instead of writing right now. It's so funny how I used to love writing, but now I don't. All well.
not donee
Kat. I might as well pretend that nothing happened, but I won't forget him.
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Subject: Re: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook
hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook
Subject: hold your tongue and hear me out -- katarina's journal/photobook 
Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:50 pm
