now and then [private]

Subject: now and then [private] Sat Jun 15, 2013 9:57 pm

tiffany's hand brushed against dylan's leg, her smile growing as he continued to read for her. the book was one of her favorites, and though dylan usually read her boring science books, he had agreed to read her "the fault in our stars" just this once. (despite the fact that it basically took away his man card.) the two demigods were sitting on tiffany's bed, dylan leaning against the wall and tiff leaning against dylan. the boy played with the dancer's hair as she read and tiffany's cheek pressed into his chest.

"skip to the part about the funeral," tiffany quietly insisted, although dylan protested. "you can't skip to the end of the story, tiff. you can't just skip to the sad part. enjoy them while they're happy." tiffany sighed but dylan kissed the top of her head. "okay," the girl giggled. "okay." a few of the other muse girls were gathered close to the bunk, giddily gossiping about how cute the two were together, all having almost forgotten about the blue haired bad boy tiffany used to see. all but tiffany herself, it seemed.

dylan was perfect, a zeus boy with a soft side, and he seemed to care almost as much about tiffany as zander had, but there was something about how dysfunctional the dancer and the rebel had been that made dylan feel so simple. tiffany had liked layers, work, and payoffs, but everything about her new boyfriend was so simple and romantic. "i fell in love the way you fall asleep... slowly, and then all at once." tiffany slowly wrapped her arms around dylan, and the boy rested his free arm around tiff. "that line's beautiful," she mumbled, her voice sounding slightly tired. "you're beautiful," dylan replied back, kissing the top of tiffany's head. all of the girls listening "aww'd", making tiffany slightly uncomfortable.

they had been dating for nearly a month, getting together not too long after tiffany's first and only call with zander, but things had moved rather quickly, and now they were a quite popular couple around camp. "couple of the year" some called them, although tiffany didn't feel they deserved that title. she was still a little doubtful, a little sad, and being with someone as easy-going and happy as dylan made her feel like she was hiding her sadness, not overcoming it. zander had definitely made her feel different. and to make matters worse, she had hardly even thought about him until that day, the worst possible day to think about how much she missed him. the day he would come back.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:28 am

zander west son of apollo

Zander had stayed in San Diego for a grand total of 20 minutes after his impromptu phone call to Tiffany Powell. He sat in his truck numbly for the entirety of that time before shifting gears from Park to Drive and then high tailing it out of there. It was a curious feeling, knowing where he was going for once. Although, it was completely beyond him why he wanted to go there in the first place. There was nothing there for him, he knew that. He had known that before he made that twenty dollar call and now he knew it even better. Still he couldn't help but want to believe a tiny little bit in the possibility that maybe things could... not exactly go back to the way they had been before but at least something close to it. It was irrational, stupid, but he wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything else before.

He took his time, mulling everything over thoroughly as he made his way back across the country. He took his time in every city he stopped in, mostly sitting around a lot on park benches, listening to his beat up mp3 player. He'd close his eyes and then he'd just think. Before he knew it, the sun was going down, his stomach was grumbling, and he was wondering where all his day had gone. In New Jersey he stopped and picked up hair dye, got his hair blue again. He stopped again in Manhattan and asked himself if he really still wanted to go back. The answer was a yes, even if Tiffany didn't love him any more, he was convinced that seeing her again even just for a few seconds would ease the insistent, troublesome feeling in his chest.

His first step into the Muses cabin, he instantly knew he'd made a terrible mistake.

Initially, he was confused. But as he watched, watched the other guy kiss the top of her head, watched her smile and giggle, watched them whisper together, his befuddled mind pieced it all together and he felt like backing away and driving again - running again. There he stood, in the doorway of the Muses cabin, his hair blue and his hands shoved in the pockets on his jeans, looking almost exactly the same as he had before while everything else around him was so different. "Hey," He finally said, managing a grin. Looking just like Zander always did, even then he felt so different too.

The hate bubbled up so quickly, so easily and Zander silently drew in a sharp breath. Hate for himself entirely, for letting her go when he should have held on. Because she was the best thing that ever happened to him and hadn't he realized it at the time? He wanted to hate the other guy, but it was so difficult when he heard him speak, heard him call her beautiful. Wasn't this what he had wanted? Wasn't this what he told Tiffany to do? "Terribly sorry to interrupt your John Green time, I know it's sacred." His voice sounded strange to him, it was so strange to hear it so calm and light when he was anything but. You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot. What, then, was Zander supposed to do? Was he meant to suffer forever because it had once been requited but then he'd thrown that into the dust?

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 12:15 pm

Tiffany hadn't noticed Zander at first, but upon hearing his "hey" her heart stopped before she could even look up. It had been a while, but she was pretty sure she could still recognize that voice in a crowd of thousands. It had kept her up late at night for a few weeks, a while ago. Dylan had made things different, and now she felt terrible being so close to her boyfriend, and so far away from Zander.

"No Tiff," she thought to herself, still not looking up. "He told you to be happy." Tiffany took a deep breath and raised her head, trying to smile, and doing her best to erase the confusion from her face. "Zander," she whispered, loud enough for the two boys to hear, but doing her best to keep her private life out of earshot of the eavesdroppers. "You're really back."

Dylan nudged her arm and Tiffany turned her head slowly. By now she was biting her lip nervously, unsure what to say to explain everything without losing one of the boys. She couldn't date both of them, but was it possible to keep them in her life? She didn't think so. "Old friend," Tiffany explained before letting go of Dylan and standing up. She could feel the awkward tension, all the eyes on her, and she hated it a lot. With just a few steps, Tiffany reached Zander and had her arms around him, hugging him, whispering that she missed him, and why was he back, and that she was sorry about Dylan, and that Dylan was really a great guy. "I'm going to talk to you outside. Dylan's worried about you. He thinks you might hurt me or something." Tiff rolled her eyes and walked back to her bunk briskly.

"He won't hurt you, right?" Dylan asked, and Tiffay chuckled, ruffling the boy's hair. "There's more of a chance that I'll give up on dance." Dylan didn't seem completely satisfied, but he set the book down and smiled. "As long as he won't hurt you, go catch up. I'll be here." Knowing what she was about to do, those words "I'll be here" cut like daggers. The girl huffed and grabbed Zander's sleeve as she walked outside, finally feeling out of the public eye.

Her heart beat loudly in her small chest, and her hands shook slightly, but even still, Tiffany stood on her tiptoes and kissed Zander. She didn't immediately pull away. She had missed him too much to immediately pull away. She had really messed things up now...

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 12:52 pm

zander west son of apollo

The hug was warm, familiar, all his negative feelings and thoughts melting away for a minute. He remained silent but allowed her words to wash over his, closing his eyes for a moment and then running a hand through his hair when she stepped away. Zander felt a sting of resentment. "Don't worry, pretty sure she could beat me up anyway. In case you haven't realized, Tiffany's kind of a badass, haven't you seen her tattoos?" He said with a laugh. It was subtle challenge, an immature, childish one. Zander was one the who she had confided in first, Zander was the one who had been with her when her brother and mother had been in a car crash. He knew her better, he had to.

He followed her outside and started to talk but was interrupted by her kissing him. His eyes shot wide open in surprise and he froze up for a moment before stepping away. The confusion and hurt on his face was palpable. "I... Tiff?" He said questioningly, his voice quavering the slightest bit. He felt so happy, but it was so wrong. Tiff had been his first, they had been each others' first, but now it felt like he was kissing another guy's girl. "You said you didn't love me any more." He whispered. His brain felt like mush and he wanted so much to just kiss her and forget everything but they couldn't do that, not with Dylan waiting inside the cabin, not with everything that had been said and done.

He buried his face in his hands and swore under his breath. "God, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come back, I don't know why I came back. I'm screwing everything up, I should have just let you be happy." He knit his eyebrows together and kept his face in his hands. "Maybe I should just go again. I'm so sorry."

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 1:33 pm

Tiffany knew it was a mistake, that everything happening that day was just such a huge mistake, and she was probably hurting everyone. The kiss had been selfish and she wanted so much to regret it, but the worst part was that she didn't regret it. She regretted the pain that was so obvious on Zander's face, and the pain that would be on Dylan's when or if he ever found out. She regretted how confused she felt, and how she was probably lying to herself one way or another. But she did not regret the kiss. "I didn't, I don't, I don't think." Tiffany's voice cracked and she rubbed her temple frustratedly. "I'm sorry. I hurt you, and I keep doing it. I keep messing up."

Tiff let her legs go weak, and she ended up sitting on the ground, her hand angrily running through her hair. "Please don't tell Dylan," she begged. "I'll tell him, I will, I just need to figure out what to say; to both of you." Tiffany took another deep breath and hugged her knees to her chest. "No, you shouldn't be sorry, all you did was come to see me, and I'm the one who messed up. I did something stupid, I... I kissed you. Not the other way around. I did, I kissed you." The girl stood up and grabbed onto Zander's wrist, the touch feeling like too much even though she was hardly holding onto him. "I have no right to say this, but please stay. I messed up, but I don't want to lose you again." Tiffany's bright blue eyes were intense as she begged Zander to stay. "I don't deserve either of you, I know that. But I really can't let you go again."

Tiffany felt like crying, but she had messed up enough already. She wasn't going to make Zander feel worse.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 1:58 pm

zander west son of apollo

His hand dropped from his face and he shook his head and sat down next to her. He remained silent for a moment before caving and enveloping her in a bear hug. "To be honest, I don't give a crap about Dylan and I would never choose him over you. Of course I won't tell him." Zander said, shaking his head. He pulled back for a moment and mulled everything over. What would they do? They couldn't just leave it like this. Looking into her eyes, Zander was so confused by everything. He wasn't expecting this as soon as he returned to camp, but he probably should have after heading over to the Muses cabin without thinking it over first. God, her eyes. They were so blue, he had forgotten how blue they were. He'd seen lakes and rivers but none of them came up to par with Tiffany's eyes.

Fixing her with an intense look, Zander clenched his jaw and started talking, slowly, carefully. "I don't want to do this, I don't want to make you do this." He said, completely serious. No more laughs or easy grins now. "But we need to settle this. You're going to have to choose. Decide whether you want to be with him or be with me and I don't want to put you through this but we need to do this. So I can leave you alone so you can be happy with him or... or we could be together again." He sucked in a breath. "I know it's ridiculous because I only knew you for a couple of months and we barely officially dated at all but I love you and I can't stand the thought of you with him. You're beautiful, and intelligent, brave, strong, caring, I don't know how someone couldn't love you so I can't help it, I do." Everything he was saying was unfair. It was selfish - it was so selfish.

"I swear to God I'll never leave you again and if I do leave I'm bringing you with me. I won't ever, ever leave you alone again. Choose me, Tiffany."

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 3:18 pm

Tiffany tried to lean away from Zander as he started making his argument. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate it, it was just that it made her feel worse. She would have preferred for her ex to be mad at her. Sparking him to fight for her was not what she had intended. She hasn't really intended for anything to happen. It had just been a stupid, spontaneous act of love. "I'm obviously not too intelligent because I keep hurting the people I care about." Tiffany took a deep breath and shook her head, a few tears rushing to her eyes. She didn't let them fall though, because that would have been selfish. Zander wasn't demanding too much. She was just confused. It wasn't fair to run off with Zander and leave Dylan behind just because he came back and said he would stay. It wasn't fair to kiss Zander and tell him she couldn't be with him. There was really only one answer.

"I'm with Dylan right now, Alexander. I can't just leave him for you when he hasn't done anything but treat me like he should. That's not... fair." Tiffany shut her eyes. "But I can't kiss you and say that you don't mean anything to me because that'd be a lie. I obviously can't choose either of you. I'm.. so... sorry." Tiffany wanted to cry, so she did. without thinking much about it, she hugged Zander tightly. It seemed natural to cry to him. She didn't think Dylan had ever even seen her cry. Ever since she had been with him, there hasn't been much to be sad about. "I don't want to lose you again, because that mistake would top all of the others I keep making, but I can't pretend that Dylan doesn't mean anything to me. I care about him, too. He was here, and you weren't." Tiffany opened her eyes and took a shaky breath. "You know it's true. He hasn't done anything. It was me, all me, for not being able to stop loving you." The blonde let go of Zander and ran her hands through her hair again. Her hair was shorter than it had been a few month ago. It currently ended just below her chest. Zander looked the same, and it was so upsettingly normal to be sitting with him.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 4:18 pm

zander west son of apollo

He watched her mouth move, heard the words as she said them, but still he found it hard to believe, didn't fully process them until it had been a while since she spoken them. Zander opened his own mouth to speak but no words came out. She made her choice, and it wasn't him. She said it wasn't either of them but it was clear she was going to stay with Dylan, so wasn't that choosing him? "Maybe you do care about me, Tiffany. But you don't need to try to spare my feelings by saying that you can't choose either of us. Just say that you choose him." He paused. "Maybe it's better off this way, because if I loved you, I wouldn't be asking you to choose at all. Selfish. Love isn't selfish."

Almost abruptly, the old shutter came crashing down and Zander's face went blank, expressionless. He watched the tears drip down her face with a numb detachment and let her hug him, his own arms loose at his sides. When she was done, had pulled away, he stood up, shoulders stiff, jaw tense. He had put his heart out on the line, he should have known that there was the possibility that it would get crushed. He was here and you weren't. The stabbing feeling of guilt paired with the shock of being rejected was unpleasant, to say the least. For the briefest moment, his aloof facade cracked and a flash of pain and anger showed in his eyes. But the moment passed and he regained his composure, picking himself up and running a hand through his hair. "I think I should go now." He said in a monotone.

"I guess I'll leave you alone from now on." He couldn't even imagine remaining friends after this. It would just hurt and he was so sick of getting hurt and still having to deal with the stupid hopes that he held onto.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 4:47 pm

tiffany claire powell
"Zander, stop! You're being unfair," Tiffany growled, her hert beating painfully hard in her chest. "You think that I want to just let you walk out? That I met someone else and now I don't care about you? Dylan was here when you weren't, but that doesn't mean I want to lose you again. I can't just break it off with Dylan now that you're back, because that would be awful. If you know me so well, then you know that I couldn't hurt someone like that. I don't deserve either of you, but I have both of you, so what am I supposed to do?" Tiffany coughed, her voice sore from yelling at Zander. She felt like crying again, but now she was too angry. She had never really gotten angry at Zander before, and it, like everything else, hurt.

"Love doesn't have a definition, Blue Boy," Tiffany sourly replied, feeling herself choking up. "That was cheesy, but I don't care. Stop being stupid and stick around until I can figure things out. I don't want you to go. I don't think I would ever.. see you again." Tiff stood up and grabbed Zander's wrist, holding on tightly, doing the best she could to make him stay. "Stop being such a teenager and let me think!" She was exasperated, but she loved the boy, and if one of them had to fight, it was going to be her now. "Dylan has feelings just like you do, and even if you don't care about them.. I... I do." Tiffany sighed loudly and let go of Zander. "I have to break up with him. I kissed you and he deserves more. I just.. can't be with you because you deserve more, too, don't you think?"

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:03 pm

zander west son of apollo

"God, I am so sick of your attitude. You're always talking about how you're not good enough, how you're don't deserve good things. You could have anything but you don't believe that and you don't do anything to make things better." He snapped, regretting his words as soon as they were out but not wanting to stop now. Zander was the wounded bear and he was lashing out. He looked at her spitefully, jerking his arm out of her grasp. "Maybe this isn't just your decision, have you thought about that? Maybe I'm the one making the choice to leave now. Again. Because that's what I do - leave. I'm not there but Dylan is so maybe you should stay with him." He stared at the Muses cabin, his dark brown eyes smouldering.

He shook his head in disgust. "Just stay with him. I highly doubt he's going to be very angry with you. In fact, he won't be angry with you at all if you just told him that I kissed you, which I'm perfectly fine with." Zander said, getting a strange look on his face. He was grinning, but it wasn't sincere, it was... almost sinister. "In fact, I'll go tell him right now." He said, before sprinting into the Muses Cabin. "Hey Dylan!" His grin stretched from ear from ear at this point. "I just kissed your girlfriend and then she broke my heart!" He announced casually, standing still for a moment before abruptly throwing a heavy punch which connected with the side of his jaw.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:19 pm

tiffany claire powell
Tiffany shrugged off the insults, almost positive that he didn't mean them. And even if he had meant them, then he was only showing her that he had made the right choice in not jumping back into his open arms. He was such a jerk, heartbroken, but a jerk nonetheless. "Maybe I should! Dylan wouldn't be such an ass to me just because I wouldn't go out with him again. You keep saying you love me, but obviously that isn't the case!" Tiffany turned her back to Zander abruptly and ran her hands through her hair, trying to keep her composure but feeling herself losing it. Zander acting out was slowly tearing her apart. Was that selfish? She didn't even care anymore. She deserved to be selfish sometimes.

Completely caught off guard by how psychotic the son of Apollo was being, Tiffany followed him inside her cabin, trying to make sense of what was happening. She couldn't hear anything anymore, and her legs stopped working altogether as she caught glimpse of Zander punching Dylan. Punching him? Really? "Zander! What the hell?" Tiffany shouted, running quickly to her bunk and attempting to hold Dylan back. The son of Zeus was not scrawny, no he was far from it, and Tiff was too confused to let a fight freak out. "Dylan don't punch him back, I swear to the gods if you let him start something..." And the son of Zeus listened to Tiffany, although he was clutching his jaw and tentatively tightening it. "Zander, leave. Now. I don't care whether you leave this cabin or leave this camp, or if I ever see you again, but you need to leave for right now, at least. You've lost it. Get. Out." Tiffany turned her back to her ex and gently touched Dylan's jaw. She would tell he was trying extremely hard not to wince.

Feeling all too angry herself, Tiffany turned back around to face Zander. "And *no tiffany that word isn't allowed her* you!" Fighting more tears, Tiff once again returned her attention to Dylan, trying to forget about Zander already. She didn't want her last memory of him to be this awful, but maybe that was what it was going to take for her to forget about him, and for him to forget about her, and for them to lead normal lives.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:40 pm

zander west son of apollo

If being psychotic was what it would take to make Tiffany completely hate him and convince both of them that it was legitimately over, so be it. He laughed in derision as Tiffany held Dylan back. "God, she's got you so whipped. I'm glad I got out in time." In truth, Zander probably wouldn't be able to win the fight with just brute strength. He was agile, he was quick, maybe the adrenaline might help him a little bit but he doubted it. Tiffany was probably saving him a whole lot of hurt right now. Not that she cared about him.

Fully aware of the fact that her siblings were giving him unwelcome stares too, Zander shrugged his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Fine by me." He said, making his way toward the entrance. He glanced back at Dylan and Tiffany, both of them touching and looking over his jaw. A flash of guilt rose but he quickly masked it with a cocky grin. "That's the thing about pain," He said, tilting his head. "It demands to be felt." He laughed by himself and then strode out.

He hesitated after passing through the doorway and paused outside the cabin where none of them would see him. He took a deep breath before quietly singing a song to his father, easing the pain and beginning the slow healing process Dylan's jaw. It would take an hour to fully heal, but it was better than nothing. Zander wasn't quite sure why he did it - maybe as a silent apology to the both of them which they would probably never know about.

Subject: Re: now and then [private] Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:00 pm

tiffany claire powell
Tiffany pressed back on Dylan when she felt him revving up to throw a punch, mumbling about how stupid it would be to try and hit him, and reminding him how little Zander even mattered. "He's just trying to get a rise out of you, Dill." Tiffany looked over her shoulder, her hands still pressed firmly against Dylan's chest. '

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." Tiffany's face turned bright red and she gulped on her spit, attempting to keep cool. "Just get out!" Tiffany cried, throwing one of Dylan's science books at Zander and hoping it hit him hard enough. Without really thinking, Tiffany started crying into Dylan's chest, feeling her heart breaking inside her chest. "Tiffany, shh, it's okay, princess." Dylan smiled as he looked down on Tiffany, although it hurt his jaw to do so. "That guy was a real ass, huh?" The girl had never heard Dylan cuss before, and as weird as it was, the vulgar language made her feel a little better. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. But—the thing is, he didn't kiss me. I... I kissed him." Tiffany could feel Dylan tense up, and she pulled away immediately, from fear of a reaction like Zander had just had. Instead he shut his eyes and sighed. "It's okay. It's ... fine."

Tiffany sat down on her bed and looked up at Dylan. "I think you should leave. I kind of want to be alone right now." The son of Zeus nodded and pat Tiffany's thigh before leaving, like Zander had. Tiff had never before felt so alone.

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