until the shine wears off [private]

Caleb winced as he held a pack of ice against his cheek. The familiar black-and-blue bruise was starting to form, and it brought along with it a sense of soreness that the boy didn't need. The extra pain was unnecessary. Hadn't they seen that he was already hurting enough as it was? Was it still not enough?

The prior weeks seemed to have gone by so slow that in some moments, Caleb just tended to space out in the daze and let the seconds tick by. He had spent less than a day in jail, but it would've been longer if his stepfather hadn't arrived with his son. It surprised him when they didn't think twice to pay the rather hefty bail. But then, just as Caleb started to forget the pain, his stepfather just had to disclose the reason for their generosity. "Your mother would've wanted us to get you out," Bryan had said, and those words sliced through his chest like flaming swords. Rissa was dead, and she wasn't coming back.

Life at home wasn't any better. Caleb almost wished he was back in jail. There, he didn't have to be close enough to take part in the funeral arrangements. There, he could almost convince himself that what had happened was just a sick nightmare and it was all going to be alright when he woke up. Home was just equivalent to reality giving him a harsh slap, rubbing it on his face that life was just about to get worse. Caleb had tried to lock himself in his room until everything was done and Rissa was six feet under the ground, but Bryan especially made sure that he attended the funeral. "You'll want to say goodbye," the man told him. Caleb retorted that he was wrong. He would never want to say goodbye. That would mean finality, it would mean that he had accepted his mother's parting.

The days that followed were uneventful. Caleb had almost forgotten what it was like to be ignored by his stepfather and his stepbrother, and now they were all sinking back into the same routine. This time, however, no one was there to break the ice. Sick of getting reminded, Caleb decided to go back to the place he initially hated, Camp Half Blood.

Caleb would've driven to Long Island, but he didn't have his car anymore. Bryan took it away from him, and he didn't even put up much of a fight to keep it. The car would always be connected to his sixteenth birthday a.k.a. the day his life started to suck. He took a cab like any normal person would and for once didn't mind it when the driver was being nosy and kept demanding why he wanted to be dropped off in an empty place. His arrival caused a few heads to turn but no comment was uttered, at least, not until Caleb made his way towards the cabin he hated most of all. People had obviously guessed what was going on. Of course Caleb would want to see June. They just didn't get the reasons right.

So many were gone. Rissa. His car. His old electrifying knife was confiscated too. Heck, Caleb even thought that he was already gone himself, that what only remained here was a ghost tracing his steps, wanting to sort out what was left. And that was June.

After a near-fistfight which ended up with him taking a hit to his cheek and a quick trip to the infirmary, Caleb made his way towards the Big House. Each step he took made him falter a little. Was this the right decision? But then, he wanted to see June at least once. Just one last time. He knew that this could be more or less their last encounter. After all, they weren't supposed to be together. He didn't want to risk her safety anymore. He cared that much, maybe even more so. Despite all the hurtful things she said back in the day, Caleb found that they no longer bothered him anymore. He didn't even feel angry at her now, just... lonely. Besides, he couldn't forget the last things she said, or at least, the things he heard before the cop had locked him in the car. Where did that put them now? Caleb didn't know where they stood, and it was all so confusing. Maybe in this last meeting, everything would be cleared up. Maybe in this last time, he would get some closure.

Finally, Caleb stopped just by the entrance to the attic, holding the ice pack to his sore cheek. June was the first thing he saw in the dusty antique-filled room, and he almost went weak in the knees. She had obviously been crying. Her face was red and blotchy from all the tears, and she looked half-dead. Was that the way he looked during the past few weeks as well?

Caleb stiffened when she turned to face him, the shock on her face apparent. Silence hung between them, mixing in with the dank and musty attic air. Caleb was tense. His jaw was set, his eyes safely hidden from view by his ever-so-trusty glasses. His hair was messy, looking as if it hadn't been combed in days. He even looked a little thinner than normal, as he wasn't eating as much as he used to. He really looked like a ghost, which nearly made sense, because he believed he was already a zombie in this world. And when he spoke, his voice was rough, almost seeming unused. "They told me you were here."

Caleb didn't quite know how to react when June started to talk, and he almost wished that he hadn't started the conversation. He settled for silence, pursing his lips as he watched her talk about her siblings, took note of the difference in her cracked voice. He could feel the awkwardness in the air that grabbed hold of them. Somehow, despite all the familiarity the past few weeks, the recent events seemed to have built up a wall between the two demigods. Now, the decision was up to the two of them. Should they keep it that way, or break the wall down?

Ultimately, it was June who broke the ice when she reached out, hesitated for a few moments, and pulled him into a gentle hug.

Caleb squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply through his nose, trying all he could to hold on to himself. He couldn't let himself break down. Not in front of June. He didn't have to make this harder for both of them, especially considering what he had planned to do. They weren't supposed to be getting closer anymore. Caleb's goal was to push her away, but she wasn't making it any easier for him. Then June began to apologize, causing him to swallow thickly as he tried to stop the images starting to flood his mind. He started to shake a little, this time wrapping an arm around June for support. His other hand was still busy holding the ice to his cheek, but he barely registered the pain and the cold anymore.

Feeling the front of his shirt go damp, Caleb exhaled and placed a hand on June's shoulder, gently pushing her back. He pulled away from the hug to look at her. Caleb fought the urge to wince. He hated the way she looked right now. The tears streaking down her face almost made him want to change his mind, but Caleb was decided.

He wasn't going to stand for this anymore. He had already lost a lot of things because of this mess, and he didn't think he could stand the pain of losing more. This was for their safety. This was for June's own good. Caleb took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he was going to say next.

"We shouldn't be friends anymore."

Caleb bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from responding to June's outburst. Each word stung like a shower of powdered glass, making way into his system to lodge deep in his heart. It didn't matter that she was already screaming her head off, that they were running the risk of being discovered in the restricted area. He let her finish, not making any sort of response to her statements. His features were carefully controlled, jaws tensed, lips in a tight line, hand clenched in his pocket. But despite his tough exterior, it was all Caleb can do not to sink down to the dusty attic floor and crumble into the broken human shell he was.

"Don't leave," June pleaded, reaching out for him. Caleb sighed before gently nudging her arm away.

"It doesn't matter who did this." Caleb grew increasingly aware of how cold his occupied hand was. "And no. You're not okay. I'm not okay. None of this okay. This... This is just the tip of the iceberg." He shifted his hand a little to reveal the dark mark starting to form. It felt nothing to him; at least, compared to the rest of the mixed feelings he was having. "If we stick together, this will never stop. It will just get worse every time. We're going to keep getting hurt. It's insane - this pain is insane. It almost makes me feel like it's better to be dead."

Caleb's face contorted into one of pain for the briefest moment before he slipped the hard indifferent mask back on. Was this the best decision? June obviously didn't think so, but he couldn't trust her to decide for him. Was he being selfish? Not being selfish meant that he had to stop hurting someone. And June was obviously hurting. How could he stop that? He had tried to make it feel as normal as possible before, and look where that got them. Both of them were ripped apart, both almost thrown into a battle. Had there not been an audience, Caleb felt sure that one of them was going to end up killing the other back when they were both blinded by rage. It was Ares' doing, he knew. The war god was cunning and clever enough to manipulate them, to bring out the worst in each demigod.

If they continued to be friends... what else did Ares have up in his sleeve? He had already taken Caleb's mother, leaving the boy with the only one other person he held close to his heart. If Ares took June away... He couldn't even bear the thought. June was the only person he cared for. He was the only one she had left. "You can call me an idiot, a dumbass, but this is the only... You're the only one I have left! That doesn't make this any easier!" he snapped, his voice finally losing its calmness as it rose in volume. "The damn war god knows how to break us. Look at what he did to my mother! Can't you guess what's coming next? He's tearing us apart by hurting the person we care for the most!"

Caleb was panting when he was done and he closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. He brought a hand up to clutch his forehead, which he realized was feeling a little clammy. "What are we supposed to do?" he suddenly asked, his tone suddenly becoming softer than before. "Would you rather have a repeat of what happened in my birthday? It's going to be worse. I can feel it. Back then, he took my mom. Now, there's nothing left for him to take, there's not much leverage left, except you." Caleb wanted to shake her shoulders, wanting to knock some sense into her. Could she see what he was seeing? When he spoke next, his voice was barely a brisk whisper. "Do you want that?"

Not wanting to interrupt June, Caleb waited until she was done speaking. He needed some time to calm himself down, and not to mention some time to gather his thoughts. He gritted his teeth when tears started to stream down her face, forcing himself into a stoic rock. Every drop of water from her eyes killed him on the inside, but no, he had to remain strong on the outside. From what he could see, June was having trouble deciding on a side, and if he didn't get a grip on himself, he would turn out like that too. They already had an enough dose of confusion to last themselves a lifetime; Caleb didn't want to add more to that.

"Let me start off by emphasizing that I said almost," he said in an oddly formal tone. "Secondly, I don't know... I just... You were my friend! My only friend! I thought it would work out. I thought we could have a shot at being normal. Obviously, that's not going to happen with an angry Olympian on the loose." He nearly spat out the last words, showing his intense dislike for June's father. "You're wrong. He can hurt me. He already did." Ares had been his enemy for some time, and for a demigod especially born from a minor god like Momus, Caleb should've known that he wasn't going to last. Maybe he had known all along, but he stubbornly stuck to the decision to keep fighting. He wasn't prepared for the consequences. He didn't expect it to turn out like this. The injury to his legs, the death of his mother, and heck, even June getting broken - those had been the punishment. Caleb had too absorbed with his own dreams and wishes to predict all of that.

Caleb sucked in a deep breath before continuing, "Thirdly, I don't know what will happen to us. But maybe then, Ares would focus his attention elsewhere. Hell, maybe he would find other people to hurt. We would no longer be his targets." That was one thing he was sure of. The war god would leave them alone if they leave each other alone. It was the only way, and he had been foolish not to realize that. "Besides, we're going to lose each other either way. If we stick together and fight... as I said, Ares no longer has leverage. The last and worst thing he can do is take one of us away for good." His breath caught in his throat. It felt painful to say that out loud. It made the situation seem more real, and for one moment Caleb feared that Ares was getting enough of this talk and suddenly decide to send his minions to make the attic explode. An errant and impossible train of thought, but right now, the son of Momus could no longer tell the impossible from the possible.

"Which would you rather want, June?" Caleb asked, his voice taking on a different tone. This time, he was pleading, begging her to see reason. She needed to understand why he was doing this. "Do you want to lose me now and at least have the assurance that Ares will no longer touch either of us, or do you want to lose me later to the wrath of the war god - where there lies the chance that he'll inflict more physical, mental and emotional torture on both of us?" Caleb stared deep into her eyes, wanting to convey the seriousness of it all through his gaze. Without words, he wanted her to understand which he would pick if he was put into her shoes. He would want June to be safe. Scarred, but safe.

Caleb fought the urge to smile when June mentioned how she looked 'friend' up in the dictionary. However, the small hint of amusement faded as the seconds ticked by, as more tears cascaded down June's cheeks. But then, something she said shook Caleb to his core and he drew in a sharp breath, one hand reaching upwards to tug at his messed-up hair. "It is the worst thing, Prenston! Why don't you stop being selfish for a moment and consider things from my point of view? Why don't you think about how I would feel?"

Overcome by rage, Caleb tightened his grip on the ice hard before hurling it to the wall behind him. The ice shattered at the impact, leaving a damp splatter on the wood. As the bits of ice settled in on the various artifacts scattered around the room, Caleb slowly turned back to face June. Though they weren't visible behind his spectacles, his eyes looked dark and empty, like deep pits leading to the bottom of Caleb's wounded soul. "See what happened to that ice? That's what's going to happen to me if Ares takes you away. That's what would happen if you take your own life."

Breathing heavily, Caleb placed both of his hands on the back of his head. His gaze settled on the dusty attic floor as he tried as much as he can to avoid June. He didn't quite know what to say anymore, and he was sure she would know if he met her eyes. He heard her last request and he sure as hell didn't have any clue what to do. Should he heed her last wish? Would it make it easier for them if he stayed longer? Should he leave now and get the whole thing over with? His heart clenched at the last question, and that was how he realized how much he didn't want to be separated from this daughter of Ares. The time to leave drew ever-so-closer and all Caleb could think was how messed-up the future would be without his only friend. In desperation, he wished that he was a son of a time deity. Then he could slow time down, make the last moments longer before they started to drift apart.

Caleb snuck a glance at June but kept his mouth shut. Fine, he would give her that chance. He would stay for a few moments longer. But then, how could he make her feel normal? How could he give her what she wanted while the anxiety set in, while a part of his mind started wondering what kind of 'accidents' would happen if he kept this show up? Not knowing what to do, he just stayed there in his position, their eyes meeting in an intense staring contest.

It hurt. It hurt to look at her now and realize that this was would be the last time. The pain started to eat him up on the inside and not long after that, Caleb couldn't help but give in to his instincts. He didn't know if it was his ADHD or what when he impulsively shot a hand out to grab June's arm, pulling her up to face him before locking her in a tight embrace. It was he who pushed her away and it confused him when he once again pulled her in. His sudden roughness might have hurt June but Caleb found that he didn't care. He let himself be selfish for now, just for this one time. Just this one last time.