FML (Turtle is being a pathetic idiot again)

So. As some of you may know, I was at a conference in D.C. for the past nine days. The students (they called us “scholars”) were based in a very fancy hotel- we ate there most of the time, slept there, listened to speakers there, and conducted most of our activities in its conference rooms (or, in my group’s case, a repurposed sleeping room guhhh so small). Anyway, we slept in guest rooms. There were three people to a room. Here’s where my problem starts. If you don’t want to read about me being pathetic and stupid and overall creating even more reasons to hate myself stop here. My roommates were from Charlottesville, VA and Fresno respectively (I’ll refer to them as such for simplicity’s sake). Imma be straightforward here. They were both really hot. Fresno was kinda assy, though- as well as something of a homophobe. I thought Charlottesville was, too, but after talking with him for a while, I realized he was, well, neither. I developed huge crush on him. I guess it’s not so unreasonable, he was cute, funny, and a genuinely nice guy. Who I only knew for nine days. And didn’t even talk to that much. And is literally on the other side of the continent. And I’m kindasorta longing for anyway. The next time I catch myself lingering on his face in a picture I’m cutting. FML. F it six ways to Sunday. I’m such an idiot.
Peace out,
Turtle

Turtle what the actual hell. We talked about this. Dude, you knew the guy for 9 days. That's...kind of extreme, man. And the way you're going to handle it? Definitely extreme. You know how I feel about this already. Throw out his pictures if you have to. Do you know how many attractive men there are out there? Loooootttts~ And not every one of them will like you. But some will. And one day, you'll find the perfect one. But you need to wait. And cutting is not what you do in the mean time.

I KNOW WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM. IT'S ABOUT THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO FAITH LEFT IN MYSELF. I KNEW THE GUY FOR NINE DAYS AND I'M FRIKIN' PINING AFTER HIM. HE'S STRAIGHT, OVER 2000 MILES AWAY, AND I'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN BUT I'M STILL CRUSHING ON HIM. WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO END UP THAT POSITION? DISPOSING OF REMINDERS OF HIM WILL NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM. DAMAGE DONE.

YOU WANT A CAPS LOCK BATTLE? OKAY.

WE ALL DO STUPID THINGS, TURTLE. YOU DO THEM. I DO THEM. ADMIN AND MEMBERS AND PRESIDENTS AND FARMERS AND EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES AND EVERYBODY HAS A WEAKNESS. YOU DON'T THINK I'VE LET LOVE INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE? I TRIED TO GIVE UP MY COLLEGE ORIENTATION FOR A BOY I'VE BEEN HEAD OVER HEELS FOR SINCE 9TH GRADE. UNTIL THIS YEAR HE HAD NO CLUE WHO I WAS EXCEPT THAT I WAS THE HOBO GIRL FROM SOCIAL STUDIES TRIVIA. THIS YEAR HE TALKED TO ME AND OUT OF NO WHERE I SAID MAGGOTS. EMBARRASSING AS HELL. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, BRO. AND WHAT'S MORE? I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN BUT I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND CAN'T GET HIM OFF MY MIND AND IT HAS KILLED THE POTENTIAL FOR SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS THAT IT'S SAD. MISTAKES, TURTLE. AND THINGS WE CAN'T HELP. EVERYBODY MESSES UP SOMETIMES. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO? YOU TRY TO FIX IT. HURTING YOURSELF? NOT FIXING IT. IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU ATTRACTIVE OR COOL OR NICE. IT MAKES YOU WEAK. IT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL BAD. IT HURTS YOU AND THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND GUESS WHAT? YOU STILL HAVE THAT PROBLEM THAT WAS THERE BEFORE. NOW IT'S JUST BLOWING UP IN YOUR FACE DRAMATICALLY AND THAT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT'LL HELP YOU. I'M SORRY TURTLE, BUT I CAN'T APPROVE OF THIS. YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM. IT'S A PROBLEM THAT PLAGUES A LOT OF TODAY'S SOCIETY. AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE TO TRY TO HELP YOU BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU BUT HEARING AND SEEING YOU CUTTING YOURSELF HURTS US TOO.