Life Advice, by a not very old, probably not that wise 17 year old.

A word about understanding
{Responses welcome}

Firstly to understand where I'm coming from, you should probably know a little about my family. I guess the day it really turned bad would be May 20th 1995, I would've been exactly 6 months old (I think) so as a baby I guess it was pretty 'rad'.

After a nice dinner with a Pastor who was a friend of my parents, or so I was told, my Mom said "We'll see you on Sunday" and departed with me. What I am about to share with you will probably make you feel a bit queasy, so to borrow the words of another, if you want to save yourself a bad case of the butterflies skip the next paragraph.

As we were returning home we came upon a red light. It would be a regular stop just like any other, only this one wasn't. For privacy reasons i'll censor his name and deem him as 'Jim'. A car driven by a heavily intoxicated Jim traveling at 120mph smashed through the red light, into a white van behind us, flipped and landed onto our car. My mother and I whom had liked driving with the sunroof open, were cascaded with burning oil at about 2,000 degrees and our car exploded. The end result however, a total of 3 people died. Jim's best friend in the passenger seat, the driver of the white van behind us, and my Mom. She didn't make it that day. She could have. Two complete strangers on the sidewalk witnessed the incident and immediately rushed to our aid. **Reader discretion advised** "Save my baby," That was the only words I have ever heard her spoken, the two men had been trying to open the drivers door, which was stuck, then saved me.

The only real memory's I have of that incident are the scars on my right fore arm. And those 3 words. Now why do I share this story when some of my closest personal friends don't know themselves? Because after 17 years living the blessed life I have been privileged to. Some very important messages can be shared.

The first one that comes to mind is the social acceptance of your peers. Myself as a person has few friends. I do have a neighbor the exact same age as me so we do hang out as often as we can. I feel outcast sometimes because of the scars on my arms. As accepting as we want our frieds to be, truth is sometimes they aren't. It was, after I started seeing this I began to look for alternative friends, which is where I found Camp Half Blood almost two years ago. Now of course having an online friend is not the same as having a physical friend, you can't go to the movies together or hang out someplace. But there are cool things that do benefit you. Online friends for example, don't judge you based on your looks or your popularity. They judge you on your character and morals. Now i'm not saying you should change yourself to find the right group of friends, because thats not what i'm getting at here. My meaning is that there will always Always be people out there who would like to be friends with you. It may be as simple as saying, "I am Dave! Yognaught" {Kudos to you if you get the reference} or just a "Hello my name is."
The second most important part of having online friends is that you can share anything with them without the consequences of having to deal with any repercussions later on if they take it badly. I'm not saying go tell someone they suck, but as you have just read my story, that is more along the lines of what I am talking about. Just remember, if you seem lost and confused and don't know where to go. Look to your friends. Even if you don't think they are, they are your friends. Anyone can talk to me about anything, I've deemed part of my role in life is one who helps another with their problems. Maybe thats what you are, but there's only one way to find out.

The second thing about my story I have gleaned is to make the right choices. 3 people died that night because Jim had chosen to drink and drive. If you choose to smoke, or drink, or do something dangerous, all the power to you, but if you think for even a second it's going to hurt someone else. Walk away. No one will think less of you, no one will hate you because you made the choice for yourself. If your friends say that you have to smoke, or drink, to be their friend. They're not your friend, and i'm sure you'll hear that more, but really, trust me it's true.

Switching topics a little bit i'd like to draw your attention to all the bad choices you've made. I've made some big ones. I'm not talking forgetting to feed the dog, i'm talking "My life sucks it's time to go." It's human nature to crave companionship, and when you have it and lose it, it hurts more, when you turn on your own friends it gets worse, and when you turn on your family, you've sunk pretty low. I can personally say i've committed all 4. {Sorry Wiggles i'll remember tomorrow night!}

Now I say this because family doesn't have to mean blod related family. As a result of the car incident I was in, a nurse who happened to work at the hospital became my "Mom" because i'd never had another important motherly figure as I was growing up. My Dad, who was working at the time, became a vegetable for two years because he was overcome by grief. Fast forward a few years, my "Mom's" 3 daughters are now known to me as my Sisters, and my Dad's brother after divorcing, married My "Mom" he already had 2 sons, so now technically I have 5 cousins that I see around the clock, but they're all brothers and sisters to me even though the law says otherwise. Because, it doesn't matter what the law says, my cousin who was closest in age to me was my big brother, and when he left and joined the Navy it was one of the hardest things in my life.

Expanding on that, so what if someone you meet online and yourself consider yourself to be family. Then you ARE. I had a family here that was easily my second family. So when I freak out at anyone near me, I come back later and think. "What the did I just do?" Most recently I completely had a meltdown. Since, however, I don't want to re-open old wounds i'll just briefly close this by saying. When you turn on your family, sometimes sorry isn't enough. As meet the Faulkers once said, "Once you're out of the circle of trust, you don't get back in." So when I left the forum, I was cutting myself off from family, cause wether I liked it or not we were. I have cried about that decision for many weeks after it was made, but it took me awhile to realize I wasn't only crying about leaving my family, I was crying because I had done what I had thought of as one of the worst things I could possibly do. But sometimes sorry does help, so even if it's just a quick. "Hey can I just say... I'm sorry." It can make all the difference in the world. So to repeat myself, All of you i've hurt emotionally and mentally, I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me, and if you can't I can understand.

And so I guess the subject of this message would be that social stimulation with family, real or not, is really needed. Because once you leave the circle of trust and you want to come back, you're going to feel emotions you never thought you had, i've felt some of these and I can't convey them through words. But if you ever want to chat in depth on some really important issues, don't hesitate to message me.

~Katie Firebird, an ignorant friend who should have payed attention.

P.S. In memory of my 2 year anniversary I want to publish something I started a long time ago, and have had the help with of some other people, Gaz, Koala, Jess, Yume, Sleepy & Rhyme. I haven't begun to start mine yet so we'll see if Homework can work out for me and I can get it out to all of you in time.

With love,

Katherine Dianna Banks

Heart Warming. <3

Katie, your such an amazing person~ <3

You say your not wise, but that's one of the most intelligent things I've ever read before. You're such a wonderful person~<3

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» Just getting my sad dilemma out there. Advice is welcome.