I Miss My Best Friend ):

Subject: I Miss My Best Friend ): Tue Jan 03, 2012 7:53 pm

She's not dead, nor has she moved, she's just so incredibly different. What happened to being best friends? What happened to your love for nature? What happened to the days we would walk through the trail in the woods behind the abandoned house? What happened to your obsession with pokémon? What happened to playing games in your basement? What happened to the girl that would catch frogs in her backyard, and try to catch bees with a butterfly net?

We had been friends since when I was in 3rd and she was in 2nd, and met even earlier since we're neighbors. We used to be inseparable, but now I can barely call her a friend. Let's call her M, shall we?

It started in 7th grade, when she started hanging out with one of my friends, L. I'm not going to lie, I was a bit jealous at first. But I got over it because it was fun hanging out with both of my closest friends. This is basically all neighborhood drama.

Actaully, I think it all started when my 2 best friends, A, and M (who is also in my neighborhood) got in a fight and have hated each other ever ever since. They had been friends even before I knew A, and over the years, Y (another friend in my neighborhood) and I have been trying to get them to be friends again, but it seemed whenever it seemed they were friends again, something happened, and they started to hate each other again. I felt kind of torn because M and A were some of my closest friends, and they would talk to me behind the other's back, and it felt like I had to take sides.

Anyways, M and Y, who had seemed to not like eachother over the years, all of a sudden were best friends. Y can be a bit weird, though. She tries to act all cool and stuff on the bus and at school, but when we hang out, she's fun, random, and creative. We just don't really talk at school, and I'm fine with that. I know her well enough, and she really is a good friend.

Anyways, on the bus Y and M would always sit together, and hang out. M today is not someone I like. Keep in mind she just turned 13, and only in 7th grade. She curses like crazy, is obsessed with make-up, and is really obnoxious and rude. Sure, she used to be a daredevil, and like to bend the rules a bit, but she has crossed the line. A few months ago, when she was 12, she pierced her own nose! And back in 4th grade she got a second piercing in her ear. And recently, I heard she got her lip pierced, too. L and I are still really close friends, (We've known each other since before kindergarten) so sometimes when I hang out with her, other friends are with her, too. M and L are both in the grade before me, therefore L's friends were too. I sometimes hear things like 'nobody likes M' or 'she's a b**ch'. I also (and especially) heard these things last summer at camp. I slept over at L's house last week, and she told me M smokes and drinks. I'm not too surprised at this point! Plus, she dyed her hair blue...

What should I do? Should I just ignore the one who I've been a best friend with most of my life? I really don't want to be friends with her now, but I just miss the girl who was creative, a nature-lover, and daredevil. I feel like I don't know who she is anymore. I've just had so much fun with her, and I was sure we'd be best friends forever. I've been trying to simply move on with my life, but I really miss all the great times we had.

I just wish there was somebody out there like the M I had been friends with years ago.

I haven't told anybody all this, since it doesn't really bother me anymore, but it feels so good just to let it all out!

Subject: Re: I Miss My Best Friend ): Tue Jan 03, 2012 9:41 pm

You seem to be all over the place so let's try and simplify this. Right now you feel as though you have to choose between L and M, M, as you've heard, has turned into someone you don't want to be associated with. I can understand that. But L has been your lifelong friend and you feel as though she too has become a negative influence on you. Also got that if at any point I goof something make sure to call me out on it.

Here's what I see, could be your potential options, remember I don't know anything and it's completely your call to make. The first thing I noticed is that you've heard all these negative things about M, but I don't see anything that specifically says you've seen this. I think the percentage for 7th - 8th graders who drink and smoke are much lower than normal teens, so make sure before you do anything drastic you have your facts checked out.

The second thing I noticed was that L was telling you all this, things run through my head such as, maybe she's jealous that you obsess over M? Or maybe she has a personal vendetta against M, it's not, in my school, uncommon for girls to spread rumors about each other to get their reputation tarnished. I know a senior in my high school, she has about 5 piercings, is a mother, died her hair red, and listens to hard rock music {Which in our school is like asking to be punched in the gut} But she's one of the friendliest most intelligent people I know.

Don't be so quick to dismiss someone because of the way they've chosen to alter themselves, as many artists express themselves through their creations, some people choose to express themselves through their actions and bodies. If after what I said doesn't make you think you should check your facts and maybe get some more info, thats totally fine.

The way you describe L sounds like she's using you as a venting station or using you in some manipulative way. This option will be hard to do, but I promise you it will work if you want to try it, but I can't guarantee positive results. Take her aside when you can and say "Look, lately i've been feeling as though you are trying to get me to do ____ " or "Hey, why'd you say ____ about ____ it kinda bugs me"

Come back to me with information if you choose to take that road.

The last few options are much simpler in my eyes.

A) Just find a completely new group of friends
When I was a Freshman in Highschool my group of friends treated me like dirt. So I ditched them, sure it was awkward and saddening trying to find a place to sit in the lunchroom, but I ended up finding friends in some of the most unlikely people I could think of.

B) You could lone wolf it and create a group of friends
This is, IMHO, much harder then A, sometimes it's not as simple as finding a new table and asking people you like to come sit with you. But you should be careful with this power. You don't want to be that girl who's turning down people you don't like because they want to be friends with you, give it a chance, as I said some of the most unexpected things happen at the least expected moments.

Hope I helped, I know what it's like to just want to spill everything, it feels awesome, but also worrisome if people perceive you wrong based on new information.

<3 Katie

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