now i long for yesterday

"Hey... Sorry I'm late."

Toby approached the burial mounds. He had caught word of what had happened. Although he was not in any sort of mood to leave his room, he did so for he cared about Finnegan, and anything emotionally draining for Finnegan, Toby knew that he should be there. So, he had thrown on some simple clothes and trudged out in the light drizzle, umbrella in hand. He supposed that it was just as well. It seemed such fitting weather for such an event. A little cliche, but still fitting.

As Toby got the the grave that Finnegan was supposed to be at, he didn't see him immediately. His pace quickened. He told him to meet him there at five pm... it was 5:10, now. Where was he? Finally, Toby saw Finnegan. It wasn't how he expected. Finnegan laid in the grass, curled up and getting damp in the rain. Toby's eyebrows raised and he jogged over to the boy, a little worried. Was he hurt? He quickly reached Finn, bent down, and laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. When he saw Finn's face, he saw that he was crying. Sobbing, really.

"Finn..." Toby's heart sunk. He didn't know that it was so important to the boy. To see how much of an emotional toll it took kind of hurt Toby's heart. He felt his chest constrict a little. He positioned the umbrella over both of the boys, still bending down.

"Finnegan, I'm really sorry..." His hand moved from Finn's arm, making its way toward the boy's cheek to brush it soothingly, but it froze in midair. What did Finnegan think of Toby right now? Was it a good idea to be intimate at all? Toby frowned, and withdrew his hand. However, he gave the thought another whirl. After all, it was a funeral, right? Anyone who suffered a loss would want someone to comfort them. It wouldn't be seen as intimacy, it was just letting Finn know that Toby is there. Resolving a medium, Toby's hand moved over to Finnegan's and took a hold of it.

"I'm sorry about Cap. He was a good cat, I'm sure..."

Once Finn sat up, Toby took a seat next to him on the wet grass facing the grave. Although it was awkward to hold the umbrella over the two of them, Toby managed it somehow while also keeping hold of Finnegan's hand, which now squeezed his own with more force than Toby thought he could. He could understand why, though. So many events in Finn's life were happening subsequently. Albeit, Toby was kind of one of the main problems.

"Of course I came," Toby responded. "A-anything that's this important to you, I couldn't miss." Toby watched Finnegan's face for a moment before looking away. His gaze locked with the dirt before them. It seemed a wary topic, being so close to the dead after what had just happened. Toby doubted Finn was thinking about it, and rather about the cat, but Toby couldn't help himself. His life was so much more different now. Finnegan wasn't in it as much. Toby was on suicide watch. His wand was taken from him, along with other dangerous items. His world flipped inside out because of past events. But this moment, the two boys under an umbrella in a drizzle, mourning the loss of a cat. As silly as it might somehow seem, Toby liked that they could be close for a while. Away from camp. Minds somewhat preoccupied. It was kind of like old times.

When Finnegan told him that he got the cat after he lost his dad, Toby's eyes went wide with shock. He had had no idea that Finn lost his father. The boy really didn't reveal much about his life. Toby's mood plummeted. How well did he know Finnegan? He had opened up on several occasions, and yet he didn't know that his dad was dead.

"Finnegan, I'm sorry... that's really rough," Toby whispered. He put his other hand on top of their intertwined ones. "That must be really tough..." To be honest, Toby was kind of at a loss for words. He didn't know how to comfort him. Should he suggest getting a new cat? No, that would be too soon. He could say that he would be there for Finn. But that brought up complications, because he didn't want to risk Finn saying that he didn't want Toby. He already knew he didn't, he couldn't bare hearing it again. Resolving that saying nothing was better than anything he had, Toby remained silent. He merely embraced Finnegan's hand in a meager effort to comfort, and stared at the spot of burial.

The boys sat in silence a while, while they mourned the death of the cat. Toby's head bowed to the ground while Finnegan's pointed at the grave. Hearing Finnegan's worried voice made Toby jump a little, startled. He looked at the mound. It was true, Finnegan had placed no sort of burial marker over it to signify his cat's presence. Toby lifted one hand from Finnegan's and rubbed his chin. The burial area was really close to the lake...

"Hold on one moment. I promise to be back," Toby said. He squeezed Finnegan's hand before letting it go. Toby gave Finnegan his umbrella, caring more for him than for himself. He didn't really care if he got wet. It wasn't raining too hard, anyway. Then, the boy stood and wandered off. He transected the graveyard type of area and made his way toward the lake. Due to the rain, Toby saw no campers at most of the activity places today. They were probably all inside, enjoying a day off of lazyness and slumber. Once the boy reached the lake, he began to pluck pebbles off of the ground. He pulled the front of his shirt out, and stuck the pebbles in the fold, quite like a makeshift kangaroo pouch. Once his shirt was filled well, and a lot heavier, he began to plunder his way back to Finnegan.

Arriving back at the spot he had left, he bent next to the grave. On top of the displaced dirt, he one-by-one removed the stones from his shirt and placed them. When he was finished, the stone's spelled "CAP". After that, he rejoined Finnegan under the umbrella. His nice shirt was now soaked to his skin and baggy. Perhaps it had been raining harder than he estimated. Was he really too distracted to tell?

When he sat down next to Finn, he took his hand again, just like before. Only, when he held it, Finnegan almost immediately let it go. If it was possible, Toby's heart sank even further. For a split second he thought Finnegan was going to get up and walk away. But, to his surprise, Finn re-positioned himself and enveloped Toby in a large hug. He could feel the boy's face on his shoulder, and his wet hair tickling his chin. Finn's arms were also touched by the rain, but the embrace was nice. No, it was more than nice. After feeling so alone lately, this was exactly what Toby needed. He loved Finn's hugs, and, although this one was different, he appreciated it even more.

After a couple of moments, Toby was pretty sure that Finnegan would release him. However, another surprise. Finnegan kept holding tight to him. When Finn didn't let go, Toby decided to hug him back. He wrapped his arms around Finn, pulling him close. Toby closed his eyes and buried his face into Finnegan's dark hair. His chest constricted, because although it was a nice moment, it stirred up so much inside of him. As they sat there, Toby noticed the rain beginning to make them both wet. He guessed that when Finn hugged him, he had dropped the umbrella. Rain drops ran down Toby's cheeks and into Finn's hair like tears. Or were they tears?

When Finnegan disrupted the moment, Toby actually was a little bit disgruntled. When he saw the look on Finn's face, he knew that is was perhaps a little too fast for him. But really, for Toby it was perfect. As soon as Finnegan pulled away, already did Toby miss the smell of Finn's hair and the feel of his body in Toby's arms. He watched longingly as Finnegan shifted further and further.

When Finn began to laugh, Toby was utterly shocked. Normally, seeing Finnegan laugh happily would make Toby laugh or smile. But he didn't. He figured Finnegan was laughing out of emotional confusion about what he was doing, trying to escape any confrontation. This did not make Toby smile. He watched solemnly as Finn had his little laughing fit.

"Finnegan..." Toby started, but he was cut off as Finn rose. Toby took the boy's hand and stood with him, grabbing the umbrella and holding it over their heads. "Finnegan... I- I'm still not sure that I'm healthy for you..." he said. He shook his head, looking down at his feet before swallowing and continuing. "I don't really think you want me around anymore," he said. He hated to make this mini funeral about him, but from what he gathered, Finn wanted him to go with him. And that could possibly lead to unfortunate outcomes. Toby backhanded a tear from his cheek and he sniffled. He really was getting kind of cold from the rain.

Toby let out a sigh, and turned his body so that he was facing halfway away from Finnegan. He had done this numerous times when the couple talked before, and it became known as a sign of agitation and confusion for him. It was his way of kind of cutting of the conversation without all the way turning his back.

Being as drenched as he was already, Toby lowered the umbrella. There was no point anymore. The rain had successfully wet all of his clothes, making his shirt stick to his skin, and his socks felt strange and mushy in his shoes. His hair was no longer stylized like he liked it, but rather dark and clinging to his scalp.

The moment of silence between the two boys was haunting. The pitter patter of the rain and the scene of the graveyard intertwined with the mood would send chills up anybody's back, cold or not. The silence hung in the air. Toby didn't want to be the one to break it, but he knew he had to. Finnegan just basically offered his heart back to Toby, and Toby hadn't taken it. He knew that he had to make a decision. He had to be the one to mend things or end things. And he found himself leaning towards end. It wasn't that he didn't love Finnegan. It was that Finnegan had seen him at the worst moment of his life. He knew that Finn could never forget that. Somewhere deep down, he thought that Finn might be doing this just to save himself the trauma of Toby's death.

Dead set on severing their emotional ties, Toby took a deep breath and turned towards
Finnegan. He thought perhaps he was going to throw up, and then he realized that he had not exhaled. He let out the breath and steadied his breathing. Upon seeing Finnegan's face, the boy's stomach flopped around, his mind went haywire. Finn's eyes, although downcast, were swimming in hope and fear. His eyebrows slanted at that angle that reminded Toby of a small puppy. Memories began to stack up in the son of Hecate's mind. The memories of their hardships, their friendship. Toby couldn't do it. He wanted Finnegan.

"Alright," Toby stepped towards the boy. "Okay. Let's get out of this rain. Together."

Toby is appalled that Finnegan is so willing to accept him into his life. First, Finn thought Toby was a complete freak. And Finn probably thought that Toby is so emotionally unstable that he needs someone. Is that really what this was? Did Finn just want to save his conscience by keeping Toby alive? The questions were like poison.

Toby reached out a shaky hand and placed it in Finn's. This time, it was impossible to feel whether Toby's hand was clammy, or Finn's hand was rough. They were both covered in rainwater. Toby intertwined his fingers with Finn's. He always preferred that kind of hand holding, since it felt more secure.

The two boys then set off across the camp. Finn seemed to steer Toby more in the direction of the Athena cabin. This made Toby a little bit nervous, but he didn't resist. Although the Athena cabin was bigger, it was also more populated. Plus, there was always that one sibling... Toby didn't know his name, but he was frequently harassed by one of Finn's siblings for dating the boy. The thought that this sibling would surely be there made Toby's hand tighten around Finn's, but he gave no other perceivable emotions, so Finn probably wouldn't know what the boy was dreading.

When they reached the cabin, Finn entered first, releasing Toby's hand. Toby almost expected him to knock, but then he realized that he was the stranger to the cabin, not Finn. Toby followed right behind him. Although dimly lit, the cabin was bright compared to his own. There were shelves everywhere stockpiled with books and scrolls and drawings. Toby's eyebrows shot up at the sight of the cabin. It was intensely messy, and somehow very intimidating. Giving a slight shiver, Toby followed Finn to his room.

Toby met the eyes of some of Finn's cabin mates. Some of their eyes widened, mouths slightly ajar. When he met their gaze, his eyes quickly shot to the ground. As they maneuvered through the cabin, Toby tried to keep his eyes on the ground, or on Finn. It was bad enough to feel ashamed about himself, he didn't need maybe everyone in the cabin to pile onto that by looking at him as if he was dunked in some sort of circus tank and was now a gay fish out of water.

As soon as they got into Finn's room, which seemed to be uninhabited by any of the bunk mates, Toby made sure to slam the door. He then pressed his back into the door, leaning on it as he looked down at his shoes. He hoped that maybe they weren't judging him too harshly. Maybe they knew that they were just burying Finn's cat? He doubted that. He was also pretty sure that every single one of them has heard about Toby's little 'problem'. That was definitely major grounds to judge him by.

Realizing he was breathing kind of shallowly, Toby tried to take larger and more controlled breaths. He pushed off of the door and wandered over to the dresser where Finn was laying out dry clothes. The ensembles were somewhat the same, but one shirt was Thor and the other was... Toby didn't really know. Some x-men guy, he guessed. He watched Finn take the Thor one, so he gathered the other clothes. When Finn told him that he can change here or elsewhere, Toby had planned on just changing here. He didn't think it was too big of a deal. However, his mind was changed when he detected something particularly uncomfortable in Finn's voice. Toby frowned. He watched Finn move to his bed. When he realized that the boy was changing, he quickly turned around.

"I-I'll go use the bathroom," he muttered, before quickly shuffling out. He went into the bathroom, then shut and locked the door. A little disgruntled, Toby stripped off his wet clothes and began to pull on Finn's dry ones. As the shirt passed over his head, Toby detected Finnegan's scent on the fabric. It made Toby smile. It was something familiar. Like coming home after a long vacation. It made him feel better.

When he was done, Toby left the bathroom and found Finn. There was definitely a newer and more awkward silence between them now, being sheltered from the rain and in a quiet room. Toby scratched the back of his head and cast his gaze down, unsure how to break the silence.

Toby glanced at Finnegan, sitting on his bed. He looked like he was comfortable, unlike the many times that he had to enter the Hecate cabin. He was kind of curious how Finn was keeping Toby around. He ought to think that Toby is disgusting by now, but so far he's done nothing to hint that. He was almost treating Toby like he was the same person. Which, he was, really. He just hadn't told Finn about the necromancy. He took it horribly when he found out, but for some reason he had gotten over it pretty quickly.

When Toby heard the door open, his eyes moved from Finnegan to the doorway. Seeing who had entered, Toby's heart plummeted. It was that one boy. The one of Finnegan's siblings that called him vulgar names, and pushed him into the ground. He knew that he must've seen the couple come in and shut the door to the room. Toby instinctively took a step away from the door, and his hand patted his back pocket. Of course, he didn't have any back pockets in these basketball shorts. And, even if he did, Chiron has confiscated his wand.

When the boy confronted Toby directly, rather than Finnegan, Toby's muscles tensed. The words that came out of the boy's mouth stung Toby. He blinked a couple of times, pretty much stunned. Was he disgusting? Even Finnegan had basically called him a freak. Toby's insecurity began to take in the insults as valid comments towards himself. He frantically looked to Finnegan for help.

When Finnegan says "What the hell" and then looks at Toby, he gets even more scared than he was previously. Was Finn attacking Toby? Was he going to take his sibling's side? For a moment, it almost seemed that way. But then, Finn turned onto the boy. They exchanged a couple sentences while Toby watched, shivering a little. Maybe he was cold from his wet skin, but it was more likely that he was simply frightened. The expression on Toby's face was like that of a beaten puppy who was about to take another lash. When Finnegan turned to him, he winced just slightly.

Toby didn't respond to Finn's question right away. He was at a loss for words. If he had managed to say anything, he might've sputtered, "I- I- I-..." The truth was, he couldn't remember why he had never told Finn. Was it because the boy threatened him not to? Was it because Toby didn't want Finn to worry about him? Too late for both of those.

"I'm sorry," Toby said, weakly. He didn't really specifically either Finn or his sibling. He just said it to the open room. His eyes frantically darted between the two. He felt attacked by both of them. At that moment he wanted to burst into flames. He wanted to run away from this horrid cabin and into his own. Only he couldn't, the exit being blocked. Toby opened his mouth to speak, but could not think of anything better to say than to apologize again, so he closed it.

Admittedly, Toby was a little bit glad that James didn't have a chance to speak. But he was also a little bit shocked at Finnegan's actions. Actually, more than a little bit shocked. Finnegan had never resorted to violence before, that Toby had seen. He always seemed like a more thoughtful person, less of an action kind of guy. In truth, Toby maybe was even a little bit impressed.

Completely relieved to be rid of the boy, he stood there a minute. Finnegan's words began to sink in. He had said that he loved him. Was this the first time that he had said 'I love you?' He knew that Finn's brother had said it... And even though he knew that this had to be Finnegan, he still could not believe it. He still loved him... Toby could have sworn that Finnegan was doing this just for himself. But he knew that Finn would not use that word if he did not mean it.

Moving across the room and around the bed to where Finnegan was sitting, Toby took a spot next to him. His hands clung to the bead-spread nervously as he looked over at Finnegan. Thought Toby was shocked, Finnegan seemed exhilarated. It kind of worried Toby what a little violence could do to such a passive soul. But he found that he couldn't worry too much. Not with the proud smile that Finn held and the echo of the words that he had said still bouncing around in Toby's mind.

The boy couldn't help it. It wasn't even completely on purpose. Without much thinking whatsoever, Toby found himself gravitating towards Finnegan, and soon his lips found the other's.

Toby felt his lips pressed against Finnegan's teeth awkwardly as the boy was smiling. Toby giggled, and reengaged his lips. His head tilted at an angel so that the boys wouldn't bump noses. Finn's lips were soft and just how he remembered them. Toby's eyes fluttered closed and he felt a warmth spreading through his chest and in his hands.

It had been so long that, although physically the kiss was near perfect, it felt a little bit strange. Even more so that this is where they ended up on such a bleak day. And they were doing exactly what Finn's sibling didn't want them to. But that didn't really matter. Little else was running through Toby's mind at that moment. It had been evacuated, perhaps for the best. All he could focus on was how close Finn was.

When Tobias felt Finn's hands run over his sides, a sort of buzz ran through him, triggering goosebumps to erupt on his skin. The hairs on Toby's arms prickled up. It was a little bit exhilarating, being this close to this boy with this kind of feeling being shared between them. Toby found that his hands were moving as well, traveling around Finn's waist. He could feel the curve's of the top of the boy's hips through the fabric of the shirt. Though, Toby did think that the shirt was kind of in the way.