Sniggle
Mega Asshole Duo
Posts : 2025
Join date : 2011-11-12
Age : 30
Location : Dream Weavers
 |  Subject: Not sure if this is Para or Fanfic but here we go!  Wed Oct 10, 2012 1:15 am | |
| Chapter One: Melon-smashing Nutcase on Fourteenth Street
The boy accompanying her looked to be several heads taller, with a mop of black hair and large, sunken grey eyes. He was as pale as the moon, as if he hadn't seen the light in ages. That was a somewhat accurate depiction, as the boy tended to hermit in his basement 18 hours a day playing online shooter games with a few friends he knew only through the internet. Charlie, the smiley girl at his side, was one of the few friends he actually knew in the real world. And she was his polar opposite in nearly every way. He was something of an introvert, a shy soul with a snarky attitude and pessimistic views of the world. Charlie? Well, she was capable of sarcasm sometimes, but mostly, she just wanted to talk and laugh. The girl talked to anyone who seemed interested, and rolled around without a care in the world.
Despite their differences, the two tended to get along. Some even suggested that they date, though that idea was always smothered by Charlie's bellowing laugh at the ridiculousness of the concept. But as far as friendship went, they were like two peas in a pod, or peanut butter and jelly, or an unlimited list of other cliched hallmark phrases. In short, they worked well together, and genuinely enjoyed each other's company--most of the time. So it was no surprise that Charlie had dragged the awkward, skinny boy along with her to pick up some food for the house.
Senior week was usually reserved for, well, seniors, but Charlie had demanded a sophomore week to get away from all the stress of being at camp. Unlike most kids, who went to school during the first three seasons of the year and then attended camps during only the summer, Charlie spent her entire year at camp. That's right, no schooling whatsoever. Just sword fighting and lounging around, which really isn't too fun when all your friends are away. And yes, sword fighting is correct.
Charlie went to a...special kind of camp, for a special kind of kid. As crazy as it seemed, because Charlie behaved mostly like the average teenager, she was only half mortal. The other half of her, the other type of blood running through her veins, belonged to her god father. No, not like the god father who takes care of you when your biological parents have passed on kind of god father, but the immortal Olympian that can teleport and has super strength and rapid healing capabilities kind of god father. Specifically, Charlie was a daughter of Hermes.
There was a camp in Long Island, New York that Charlie had stumbled upon through the help of a satyr(50% man, 50% goat, 100% cool) where only demigod children were allowed. To Charlie, it was like Harvard, but without classes, and exams, and basically everything else school was like. So it wasn't really like Harvard at all, but to Charlie, it was equally as majestic(probably more so, in her opinion, because Charlie always hated school). This camp was a shelter for demigod kids, who had an awful habit of attracting blood-thirsty creatures who wanted to kill them at every given chance. They couldn't pass the camp's borders, so long as the golden fleece from Legends hung up, and so most children attended the camp, and it flooded with business during summer.
But unlike the other kids, who went home to mom and dad during the school year, Charlie didn't enjoy her home. She always chose to stay at camp and avoid the wrath of divorce and step parents. So she'd continue her daily activities: archery, sword fighting, rock climbing. However, it wasn't quite as fun without any companions. And the thought of everyone else growing up and having fun made Charlie, in all honesty, somewhat jealous. So she'd taken it upon herself to escape the camp and have herself a little week-long vacation.
The boy Charlie walked with, Davis, was also a demigod. He was a son of Dionysus, the god of being drunk and grumpy. Davis only had the grumpy part down in his own personality, though. And it didn't usually show when he was with Charlie. Well, it did, but Charlie had a tendency of blatantly ignoring it, part of the reason they got along so well.
When the child of Hermes got an idea into her head, she did everything in her power to make it happen. So when she dialed up Davis asking to stay with him for the week, he didn't really have any choice in the matter. It led to her taking the first train she could grab tickets to down to Pittsburgh, where they met at the station. And as soon as Davis drove her to his house(he was 16, and therefore had his permit, which in Charlie's mind was basically like having a license), Charlie took over. She threw herself onto his bed and ate a good portion of the snacks in his pantry. She stole the tv remote whenever he wasn't looking, and perused through all his comics, throwing them out of order and basically trashing everything he valued. He complained, but very little of his bickering actually registered in Charlie's head. She was too busy relaxing and having fun. After about two days, Davis adjusted and realized that nagging was useless. Also after two days, Charlie managed to eat most of their food. So it was off to the market for the both of them to pick up more snacks.
Sometimes a craving for something is so severe that you'll do just about anything to get your hands on it. For Charlie, this craving hit the moment they entered the cultural district in downtown Pittsburgh. As soon as she saw the banner plastered on the side of parking garage for Mr. Meaty's Meat Monster Burger, her eyes lit up, and she might as well have torn their shopping list in half. The only thing she could think about was getting her hands on one of those burgers, and it became the duo's number one priority. Davis himself really wasn't opposed to it either. He just wanted food in his stomach. So they wandered down the streets in search of Mr. Meaty's restaurant(it could hardly be considered a restaurant).
They squeezed their way through people strolling about, and sprinted across streets, trying desperately to avoid the line of oncoming cars, who tended to honk at anything that moved. In order to talk to each other, they practically had to yell. The district was so loud that hearing would be impossible otherwise.
"So where is this place, Char?" Davis questioned while craning his neck to survey the land above the crowd.
Charlie scratched her neck and rolled her shoulders in a shrug."What? I have no idea. Do you have a map?"
"Why the heck would I have a city map? I live here!" Davis knew city streets like the back of his hand. But he'd never heard of their desired destination before.
"You live in Mr. Meaty's?"
The son of Dionysus slapped his forehead with his a bony hand before running his fingers through his hair. "No, I live--you know where I live! Not at Mr. Meaty's, obviously. But I've never heard of the place before."
"I wonder if the reviews are good..." Charlie pondered out loud, ignoring Davis' last statement completely.
He quirked up one eyebrow, shaking his head silently. "Is that even relevant?"
Charlie didn't answer. Instead, she sprinted forward, her facial expression going from of concentration to that of delight. She flashed a grin and surged forward, side-stepping the people in her way and tearing a line through the crowd.
Davis wouldn't have had such a hard time catching up if it was just about speed. His long skinny legs took one stride for every two of Charlie's. But getting through the crowd was a hastle. "Excuse me, sorry, excuse me!"
Several people cursed him out or gave him irritated looks, and his face flushed red. "Charlie, hang on! Wait!"
The girl would do no such thing. Not when there was a large sign in front of her that read Mr. Meaty's.
She bounded forward with a sparkling grin plastered across her face, arms thrown forward and back as the demigod raced to her prize. A red sign hung above her, growing bigger and higher the nearer she got to it. A large neon cheese burger flashed above silver double doors. A smaller sign on the window read "open" in glowing letters. "Hurry up, Davey!" Charlie sang, forcing the doors open with a little too much power and sprinting to the end of the line.
Davis groaned and threw his hands up, muttering a low curse. "How many times have I told you not to call me that...?" A sigh passed through his nostrils as he shook his head, following closely behind the girl. He was nearly hit by the rebounding doors on his way in. "Tch, Char, come on. You could see the place open from half a mile a way. Was it necessary to run here?"
The two were sticky with sweat now, and Charlie probably smelled. Not that she was unhygienic or anything of the sort. She just...well, her sweat tended to smell pretty bad. Worse than normal. That was another thing Charlie hated about school: gym got her all worked up and then people avoided her and her stench for the rest of the afternoon (somehow the perfume tended to be overwhelmed by the sweat, as Charlie continued to perspire throughout the day and the mask of vanilla wore off).
But it didn't matter, because they had reached Mr. Meaty's, and with all the running they did, they needed to recharge. Food usually did the trick. And for Charlie, humor was a good recharge, too. Even if it was a bad joke. Even if she was the only one who laughed at it.
She folded her arms across her chest, causing small wrinkles in the fabric of her baggy white t-shirt. "So, when we were running..." The corners of her lips began to twitch eagerly, and her eyes darted from her companion's to the floor.
Davis' brow furrowed in interest, and even minor concern. "Yeah...?"
"...Would you say..."
"go on..."
"We ran our buns off..."
Charlie tossed her head back laughing, unable to contain herself. She cackled, her voice echoing through the door. Several people cast her curious looks before shaking their heads and returning to whatever else they were doing. The small girl's body shook with hysterics. She thought she was the funniest thing since Lewis Black.
Davis didn't bat an eye. In fact, he frowned slightly, also folding his arms across his muscled chest. "You're not funny." He sighed, moving up in line to fill the gap that had been created while Charlie was having her fit.
"Watch it, buddy! That there's some line cuttin', if I's ever seen it!" An old man smacked Davis in the back of his head with the handle of his cane.
Davis muttered a curse and held rubbed the tender spot on his skull from where he'd been hit. He spun around and was ready to give the death glare of all death glares until he saw who it was that hit him. It was a man that was just about 4ft tall, with round glasses sliding off the bridge of his freckled, snubby nose. He was dressed in an oversized, button-down shirt and silky black vest, tucked into a pair of khakis with rips at the knees. The tiny man was bald, save for just a few clumpy white hairs that were awkwardly combed over the side of his head and stuck there with so much gel it looked like the hairs could be used to poke out somebody's eyes. He was the epitome of strange looking, with his scroungy white beard and lustrous golden cane.
The cane itself was taller than he was, at about four and a half feet it, looking more like a walking staff. It had two snake looking carvings that emerged towards the upper half of the stick and wound around towards the top, where each snake's head was met by a feathered wing. It reminded Davis vaguely of the symbol on the sides of ambulances.
Charlie's eyes grew large and her draw dropped. "Caduceus!" Immediately she dropped to one knee, bowing her head in respect.
Davis crinkled his nose and quirked up one brow in confusion. "Cadu-what now?"
"Caduceus, boy. Be respectful." The old man, who's accent and speech mannerisms had mysteriously changed to become less primitive, flicked his wrist at Charlie. "Get up, get up! You'll blow my cover."
Davis took Charlie's hand and helped her up, then they both dropped their arms to their sides, fixing their attention on the creepy midget man standing before them. "So...care to explain?"
With a calloused, fragile hand the old man smoothed back his six clumpy hairs before adjusting his glasses. "Come now, you're not so dense that you couldn't see through this meager disguise, are you?"
That struck a nerve with Davis, and he balled his hands into fists as the corner of his lip twitched. "You trying to start something? I came here for burgers but I'll leave with your blood on my knuckles, buddy. I don't care how old y--"
"Davis! Are you trying to get yourself smote?" Charlie smacked him in the side with the back of her hand, and he rubbed the area, pouting at her.
"No! What the crap is smote?"
"Smote is the past tense of smite and--"
"Excuse me, but I did not come all this way to just get one of these awful-as-Hades burgers." The man cleared his throat and both kids quit their arguing to look at him. He returned Davis' look, his eyes glinting behind the glass lenses. There was something smug about him, something in his voice that just royally irritated the son of Dionysus. And he knew he could get under Davis' skin. "Even your girlfriend has caught on, boy."
Davis grit his teeth, using every bit of his self-restraint to not punch the wimpy old man in his flat, little pig nose. But he only waited, aware that Charlie would skin him alive if he interrupted again.
With a smirk, the man continued. "I'm a god, boy. And an important one at that. You had better learn some respect. Because you have not been to camp, and therefore you're truly uneducated about the lifestyle of your family and friends, I won't turn you into a slug this time. But ignorance will not get you far. Brush up on your books and learn about your heritage. You'll need to know a little more about yourself before you take on the world."
Well, that was vague. The world? What the heck did that mean? History? Davis knew he was a demigod. He knew he was the son of Dionysus, and he knew about the camp for people like him. But he wasn't going to sacrifice his life as a normal student and kid, or abandon his mother or step siblings just to learn about the father that deserted him when he was a child.
"Listen, I don't know what you're talking about, but I--"
"Silence!" The old man's voice was suddenly much lower, and seemed to hold much more power than what he possessed behind the frail sound of an elder. It made the pair feel uneasy.
A quick survey around the room showed that nobody else had paid it any attention, though. Charlie exhaled a breath of relief. But they still weren't out of the boat yet. Fortunately though, at least Davis had shut up.
This time, Davis didn't want to interrupt. He felt his skin crawl after the man made them-mostly him--hush up, and suddenly he had the urge to kneel like Charlie had when he first got hit with the cane.
"Hermes. I am Hermes, and you will not disrespect me. I am a messenger of many things, including challenge, and your choices are to accept my challenge and accomplish my quest, or let your civilization burn."
Charlie blinked. Let her civilization burn? End of the world? This definitely sounded like an end of the world plot if she'd ever heard one.
Suddenly her calmness was overwhelmed by her desire for answers. She grabbed at the old man's vest and marched forward, until Hermes was pinned to the wall. Because he was so short, Charlie was able to drag him up the wall, hoisting him off his toes a few inches.
"How the hell do we stop that?"
Hermes raised one eyebrow in a smirk, and Davis couldn't help but notice that Hermes and Charlie shared the same dorky, off-center smile. Davis also wanted to high-five Charlie for throwing the old bag into a wall--even if he had been hoping to do that himself.
"You most certainly got your mother's impatience." With a chuckle and a golden flash, the two were locked in opposite positions, Charlie now struggling against the wall.
She let out a gasp, "holy fu--"
"Demons! Demons in the alley! Beware!" The old man stepped back several feet, returning Charlie's ability to breathe.
It was as if Hermes had suddenly become posessed. His eyes were wild, and he turned his head to look in every direction. Other people in the restaurant had begun to pay attention to the scene unfolding before them. A few looked amused, but most seemed uncomfortable, even terrified.
Hermes, however, in his disguise of an elderly man in tattered clothes, looked like a straight up lunatic. "Beware the melon smasher of fourteenth!" He did an impressive spin on his toes, before prancing out of Mr. Meaty's with his arms flailing about through the air. His exit cackle rang about the store until he disappeared out and into the street.
"Welp, that was rude." Davis muttered to Charlie as she walked back over, smoothing out the wrinkles in her shirt.
"No kidding. So, shall we find ourselves a nutcase?" With a spark of excitement suddenly ignited in her, the girl grinned. It might be the apocalypse, but there was still a chance that Charlie could beat the poop out of someone. It overcame her anger, which wasn't surprising. Most of the time Charlie's emotions swept in and out like the tide. Quickly, and often unexpected.
Davis ruffled his hair with a sweaty hand, scowling. He took a long, hard look at his companion before sighing. She'd go with or without him, so he might as well follow to make sure she didn't light buildings on fire or something equally as pointless and destructive. His arm extended and he gestured towards the door, taking a final goodbye glance at the Mr. Meaty burger counter. "After you."
Charlie leaped and pumped a fist into the air. "Hah! I knew you couldn't resist the chance to be a hero!" She sprinted towards the door, flying out and down the street.
How bothersome. Davis just wanted to keep the world from ending. He also wanted to eat. But like a loyal dog, he followed her out the door.
Charlie was fast, with good reflexes. By the time Davis had finally lumbered outside, she was nearing Eighth Street, dancing around the sea of pedestrians that had the unfortunate curse of sharing the sidewalk with her. But despite her speed, she prayed for a faster method of transportation than her legs. A pegasus would be nice, or a jet or something. Or, if Davis magically got super speed she could demand piggy back rides, since he was strong enough to carry her with ease (plus she liked to feel taller.) But somehow, she didn't foresee any of those things happening, so her skinny little legs would have to do.
Lucky for the pair, most shops and offices stopped at eleventh, and in result so did the clusters of people. From then on it was a simple, straight-away dash. Davis had finally caught up thanks to Charlie's lack of endurance, but they were both out of breath when they finally hit Fourteenth. Charlie stumbled into the shaded alley and laid against the wall, green eyes squeezed shut.
"Oh, oh gods, that was brutal. Let's never run again, okay? Let's just not do that anymore." She wheezed, drawing her legs to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees.
Davis used his shirt as a cloth, lifting it to wipe the perspiration from his red face.
Charlie blinked. "Davey... is that a v-tummy?"
"...A what?"
"A v-tummy." She crawled over, lifting his shirt again (to his surprise and discomfort) with eyebrows raised in skeptical surprise. Sure enough, there was a visible indenting line where the muscle traced the shape of a v. There was also a tracing of abs, a few inches above. They weren't expertly sculpted, but still noticeable. Charlie let out a boisterous laugh and Davis threw his shirt back down over his stomach, stepping back with a flustered, tiny sneer.
"Since when do you work out?" She drew herself up off the ground and flicked his chest. There was a crooked smirk on her face and one eyebrow was quirked up--Charlie's usual don't-think-I-didn't-notice look.
"I don't. Shut up."
"Liar~" She sang. "Who are you trying to impress?"
Davis could tell Charlie was going to have a field day with this. A subject change was necessary. "Don't we have a world to save or something?"
Normally, Charlie was easy to distract. But apparently she had her mind completely set on her partner's new muscles. She let out an exaggeratedly long gasp, slapping her hands on her cheeks in mock surprise, as if she suddenly figured it out. "Does Davey have a lady friend? What's her name? Is she a demigod? Is it someone I know?"
"No. I just thought it was time to get in shape. Also, you realize we're completely weaponless, right?"
"Just lift up your shirt. The gleam from your rippling new abs will blind the enemy." Gods this was going to be fun.
Davis scoffed. "Find something to use as a weapon; we've got a job to do."
Charlie rolled her head back, still smirking, and strolled farther down the alley. She scanned the area for a weapon while humming, though all she saw were broken shards of glass, a few empty bottles and some littered papers. She also saw an absurd amount of gum stuck to a tipped over trash bin, but nothing remotely weapon-like that she really fancied.
Davis, concentrating much more on the task at hand, almost immediately found a bent lead pipe, sticking out from a rusted blue dumpster. He made his way over and dislodged the pipe, taking test swings with it as a moment of verbal silence passed between the duo.
Charlie grew bored of it fairly quickly. "Yo, Davey?" Charlie called from halfway down the alley.
"Hm?"
"How do you hum to dubstep?" It was a random question, one of the many that swam around aimlessly in the girl's mind. When it came to focus, she had very little.
Seriously? What kind of question was that? Dubstep? "Charlie, I don't even li--" Part of his sentence was cut off and replaced by a mangled noise, followed by heavy coughing.
The demigod girl could recognize the coughs as Davis'. She heard a loud clunk and immediately hurried back, still without a weapon.
Where Davis once stood was a giant, monstrous person. He was wearing a grey loin cloth and rusted iron wrist cuffs--an interesting fashion statement to say the least.
The beast's skin was blotched peach and red, with muscle ripping all through its grotesque body. On its head was a single patch of wild orange hair, slicked back and stuck in clumps, as if the thing had used Caramel to style it. This hair made Hermes' disguise hair look well groomed, Charlie thought.
She could recognize the creature's species by the single, beady black eye centered on its face, just above a squashed nose and mouth of broken yellow teeth. Clearly, it hadn't seen a dentist in a while.
"Cyclops!"
It let out a guttural roar that echoed between the buildings, and Charlie jumped back as it smashed its stone club against the ground where she once stood. The swing busted cracks in the cement, sending chips of it soaring up at her. She threw an arm in front of her face to defend against the tiny projectiles and stumbled back further. What the hell was that club made of, diamonds?
While the cyclops slowly rose his weapon overhead, Charlie used the window of opportunity to focus her attention on her friend, who was slumped against a wall with his head drooping. She could see the red running down his face.
"Blood, that's blood. Crap." Loosely positioned in Davis' fingers still was the metal rod he'd picked up. Too bad he was too incapacitated to use it, or at the very least toss it to her.
The cyclops smashed down again, and Charlie dove to the side, drawing herself into a roll and, in one fluid motion, springing up from the ground again.
"What is your problem, man?" She growled, searching for a way to get passed the brute and to the weapon.
"Child of the Gods, the melons are mine!" With another wind up, the cyclops whipped his bat around, this time, curving the swing horizontally.
Charlie leaped up, drawing her legs as close to her chest as she could (and just narrowly avoiding smashing herself in chin with her knees.) The bat missed shattering her lower half by just a few inches, but the cyclops did a spin, bringing his bat around at 360 degrees again.
Her heart fluttered, as the scene began to pan out in slow motion. She could see the outline of the bat spinning around, towards her chest as her feet finally touched the ground, and she understood that there was no possible way for her to avoid this one. She'd probably be a home run hit, thrown all the way to the other side of the city. Her eyes squeezed shut tightly. This was the end.
But in a flash of movement, Charlie was thrown out of the way. She hovered just above the ground for a moment before finally connecting with the pavement, skidding away. At first, she thought she'd been struck and was dead, until she realized that the scrapes on her hands, elbows and knees stung. Pain. Charlie opened her eyes. She was... alive?
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