Just a Story. Check it Out.

Pretty good so far. The opening sentence can really draw a reader in, and there was alot of forshadowing in this story too. This is a good start.

THANK YOU, GOLDEN EAGLE! I was telling her about opening sentences like that.

Lol, you're welcome, Roxanne. XD

OOO I need an opening sentence. *Goes and brainstorms*

Okay I edited it, hope that it's a little better.

Pre-Face
“They won’t like who and what they are once they figure it out. They won’t like be decedents of the greeks particularly you, and powerful ones at that.” said the sick woman finishing up there last conversation, “Anyway, I won’t be alive for much longer. Send my children there to the year-round academy. Not the camp or the school-year academy. The year-round academy. My children won’t have a chance of surviving once I’m dead.” said 39 year-old Florida Hampton weekly in her hospital bed. She knew she was dying, and she knew she had only days of life left.
“I will miss you so much. Do you think our next child will even be born? I hope so, but I doubt it as well. I want more hope. The due date is today you know.” said a handsome man with a thick beard. He smelled like the sea and was wearing something a surfer might wear.
“I don’t think so, but I have some hope as well. I guess we’ll have to wait. The children are with their aunt. Keep them there until I die. If the baby is born take the baby and give it to an orphanage. If not just take the twins to the academy.” said Florida weekly again she was stressed. She had less than three months to live and surprisingly her baby was still alive.
“I love how you’re always so confident. Even when you are sick and won’t be alive for much longer. I’m going to miss that. I might not be able to get over that.” said the bearded man solemnly. He looked like a sad helpless man.
Florida laughed and said, “I love your face when your sad Don, it’s so comforting. I love it better when you’re happy and we’re both healthy. That will never happen again unless some miracle happens. I love you Don, I really do love you. The poor children are going to be wondering where their parents are, but we just have to believe.”
The so called Don managed a smile as he said, “Yes, we just have to believe. Start believing. I’ll be right back.” He leaves the room to look for his nephew.
Don walks down the hallway and happens to see his nineteen year-old nephew in the hospital looking a some records. Don walks up and decides to be as straight forward as possible. He puts his hands on the counter and tries to get his nephews attention.
“Pollo, we need to talk. You need to help me. Come lets go somewhere more private.” said Don in a low voice.
Pollo said, “It’s a hospital. No where is private. Gods Olympians that aren’t associated with medicine have no idea. Okay come-on.” He leads Don into a vacant room, “What do you need?”
“I need you to heal my twins mother. Please you got to help me. I’ll do anything for you.” said Dan.
“Whoa I’m not that good. Ask an actual doctor.”
“Just recite your hiakus. I’ll fix it one way or another.” said Dan. He walked back to the hospital room where his favorite person in the world was laying. She looked very down. She was very upset about her health, which wasn’t her fault.
“Listen Don. The moment I realized you weren’t who you really are I knew it was fate, but I also knew it wouldn’t last forever, but it’s been to short.” said Florida as Don started to cry. “Oh Don don’t cry.”
“I need some time to myself I’ll be back in a few hours. See you later.” said Don and he left the hospital room and went to the cafeteria for something to eat. He didn’t think the hospital food was horrible, just not good.
• • • • •
Don entered the hospital room about eight hours later. The time had gone by so fast. He saw a little baby is Florida’s arms she was mouthing for him to come closer. So he walked up to her and took a new baby boy in his arms. The boy was so small in his arms and his heart was welling up inside. Florida whispered, “His name is Daniel. Take him to the orphanage and take the twins to the academy. I know I will not survive.” After her last word she closed her eyes and didn’t reopen them. Don was crying now, but he soon left after looking disappointedly at Pollo.
As he waited for the three days to pass, he read magazines, watched the baby, ate, silently sobbed, and watched Daniel some more. Daniel looked extremely like his mother. Don wasn’t sure he could withstand another hour of it, but a nurse came in with Daniel and told them they could go home. Don put Daniel in a car seat and hopped in the drivers seat. In the passenger seat sat Dite one of his relatives.
“Don’t worry I watched the whole thing. I made Pollo keep her alive until you came and got the baby. I’m really sorry Don. Now you have to take him to an orphanage, unless you want me to choose.” said Dite.
“You take Daniel, find the best orphanage, place him in there until he’s five. Then bring him to the year-round academy. That’s where the twins’ll be. Daniel, Hanna, and Savanna will not be alone.” said Don triumphantly.
“I love your spunk. And don’t worry I’ll make sure of everything.” said Dite. Dite took Daniel and popped out of the car. Don was driving towards the twin’s aunt’s house. He parked in the driveway and Hanna and Savanna got in the car and buckled them selves up. It wasn’t hard to tell the difference between the two. Savanna had her mothers straight blonde hair and Hanna had her fathers straight brown hair. They both had sea green eyes, freckles, and beautiful skin from all the swimming they did.
Savanna said, “Daddy, where are we going?”
“You’re going to this awesome year-round school for special people. You guys are just the right age, five going on six.” said Don.
Don dropped off the twins and waved good-bye as they trudged along a windy dirt trail. He watched them walk down it. He feared it was the last time he ever would see them again, but of course he was wrong. As the twins got to the school, someone welcomed them. A man with a baseball cap that said, ‘Olympia Academy,’ bendy legs covered with gold sweatpants that said, ‘#1 Goat,’ and a yellow shirt that said ‘I’m Here to Help had welcomed them.

I hope you think it's better.

“Oh hello. Who in this freak world are you?” said Hanna sarcastically about the whole freak world thing.
“Honestly Hanna stop being sarcastic all the time! Hello. What’s your name, and what are you exactly. You look familiar like I’ve seen you at the families carnival. We got attacked there.” said Savanna. She had lots of questions, and she was more normal than her twin, who liked to be sarcastic.
“I am Gregory Over-hedge. I’m a satyr-” said the thing welcoming them.
Savanna gasped. She had just realized something interesting. She had always known greek mythology, even the greek alphabet. She meant to say ‘oh my gods,’ but said it in greek, “Ω θεοί μου!”
“Oh, so you know some greek. Let me here what you know, see if you really belong here.” said Gregory.
“Η αδερφή μου δεν γνωρίζει την ελληνική γλώσσα, πρέπει να είναι ένα δώρο που πήρα. Ξέρω πάντα ελληνικά.” said Savanna. She was telling him that her sister didn’t know greek and that she was the only one, besides her father who knew greek.
“Okay then I should show you the tour of this academy and find some uniforms for you girls. You have to wear them to all your classes, but don’t worry they’re armor protected. At least the skirt is.” said Gregory as he chuckled softly ignoring Hanna’s sarcastic look on her face. Then he said, “Come on in.”
Savanna and Hanna followed Gregory Over-hedge into a field with lots of buildings, one hat Big Three Dorms painted onto it, another had Hermes, Artemis, and Unclaimed Dorms painted on it, the next one had Goddess Dorms painted on it, and the last one had God Dorms painted on it. Then to the west their was a dirt trail leading to a huge stadium with sounds that went, ‘cling, clang’ from it. The twins also saw other buildings one named ‘Weapons,’ another named ‘Uniforms,’ and one of the last they saw was called ‘Academy Directory.’
The Academy Directory was huge. It had wide marble poles like on the Parthenon, big iron doors, and pretty much everything else was made of marble. Savanna stared it amazement. She loved the building. Then she spotted a slightly glowing building. It was called ‘Minor Gods’ Dorm.‘ She wanted to run inside it and see what it looked like, but she didn’t. For some reason she was afraid to move any closer.
“It’s... It’s glowing. Do you see it Hanna? Isn’t it magnificent?” said Savanna excitedly.
“Of course I see it. It’s the dormitories for special people dummy.” said Hanna. She was trying to be funny again.
“Actually we need to talk. You girls are decedents of the Greek Gods and Goddesses. You are powerful in many ways. I think you are more powerful than any of the others here. I could feel your aurora coming closer to the academy.” said Gregory excitedly.
“No way! This is fantastic!” said Savanna over cheerful, if that was possible.
Hanna was confused. She said, “So you mean to say that one of our ancestors is a greek god or possibly a goddess. Well it can’t be our father or our mother. They’ve always been there for us.”
“You might be mistaken. Think about it. Our father’s name is Elus. Does that sound like the ending of any God or minor God that we know? I got it! I know which one, and it’s a minor god.” said Savanna. She stopped talking there seeing if someone would figure it out and Gregory’s face lit up as well.
“Aeolus. Your father is Aeolus. It all makes sense now.” said Gregory still deep in thought, “It could be your grandfather though. We need a DNA sample if you have all your mother’s DNA and none of your father’s DNA then your father is Aeolus.”
“But our mother is dead. Dad said so himself when he was driving us here. She was sick and she died right after having our little brother Daniel, who’s in an orphanage right now. We don’t know what he looks like though.” said Hanna wondering some things. “Are we even sure Aeolus is our decedent?”
“I have a way of finding out, but we should do the tour. The glowing building you see is the Minor God Dormitory, where children of the Minor Gods sleep. Then we’re standing in front of the Academy Directory, if you have a problem or are in trouble, come here. Then to the left there’s the Uniform Shop, and then the Weapon Store. Behind us is the Big Three and Hera Dormitory, then the God Dormitory, where all the other Gods’ children sleep, the Goddess Dormitory, I think you know what that is, and the Hermes, Artemis, and Unclaimed Dormitory.” said Gregory. “Call me Mr.O-H. Let’s go down the dirt trail for training and classes.”
“I just love that stadium over there!” said Hanna.
“Ah, the Swords Arena and Archery Range. There’s a building that is one room right by it for practicing magic. Then the rest of the school is over that way in that building.” said Mr.O-H.
“This place is really cool. It’s so awesome. So where do we go first?” asked Savanna.
“First up is uniforms. Come-on” said Mr.O-H.
They all went back to the Uniform Shop slowly, taking every single detail in. Hanna and Savanna loved the place, so far. When the reached the Uniform Shop, they went in to get their uniforms. They had black skirts with thin, but strong iron plates in between the two pieces of fabric. Then they had a simple red t-shirt with the Olympus symbol on it. The last few things were black boots made of armor, red socks, and a black jacket just like the skirt. They went in the dressing room and put them on. They were prfectly fitted and comfortable in every way.
“Mr.O-H, they fit perfectly. They’re perfect.” exclaimed Hanna when she and Savanna ran out of the dressing room with their normal clothes in their hands.
“Then grab four more pairs of the same size. So we can go get your wand and another weapon.” said Mr.O-H as he gave some gold drachmas to the sales clerk. “Let’s go.”
Mr.O-H led them next door to the Weapon Store. He opened a big door and a wind chime rang. Savanna went straight to the wands and Hanna went straight to the weapons. They stared at them is awe. Then they switched and stared at those in awe. Savanna grabbed a dagger. Engraved on the blade was the word, “Wind-shed.” The blade glowed when she held it up in the air. Hanna came over and watched the light die out. She grabbed the identical one. Engraved on it was the word, “Wind-blood.” The same thing happened when Hanna held hers in the air. They looked at each other, smiled, and moved towards the wands.
The sales representative came up to them and measured their weapon arm. He measured Savanna’s left arm first. He wrote something on his writing pad and then moved on to Hanna’s right arm. He wrote something else on his writing pad. Then he went back behind the counter and took two wants out of the show case. He gave one to Savanna and one to Hanna at the same exact time. They glowed in unison, wind went through the store, but it was only a light breeze.
“Wow, this place is so cool. I can’t wait to start to start training.” said Savanna and Hanna in unison.
“Well, everything is complete. Go to the Unclaimed Dormitory and I guess I’ll see you later.” said Mr.O-H. he walked out just like any satyr would.

oh okay

Very nice

Thank-you.