Osaki Omoki's character

Half-Bloods
Name: Osaki Omoki
Age/Birthday:17
Gender: Female
God Parent: Aphrodite
Claimed: No
Mortal Family: Hannah and Terry Osaki
Years in Camp: 0
Brief History: Osaki always knew she never fit in because of her extreme beauty. when she was 10 her father married a woman named hannah who constantly tried to drag her father away from her, she hated the woman and when she was 14 she ran away from her home and travelled the world. she was constantly being hit on by boys. by the time she was 16 boys were practically drooling when she walked past. soon after she turned 17 she began to travel with a man who whisked her away to camp half blood. there she was told about her real mother and legacy.

Physical Appearance: She has bright blue eyes that sparkle when she is happy. long shiny red hair that falls down past her waist. she has a slim curvy figure and long legs that boys drool over, she always wears a bunny outfit that she found in a street when she was 15. it comes with a white long sleeved shirt underneath and black bunny ears with it. she also wears gray leggings with the suit to show off her curvy legs.

Personality: Shy and timid around people she doesnt know. she prefers to be alone and she is always working on her appearance, trying to make herself beautiful after her step-mother convinced her she is ugly, she will usually hid when first meeting someone and always stutter or blush. she will always stutter and keep to herself and barely talks to anyone unless she knows them well.

Fatal Flaw: Insanely shy around people.
Pets: a small crow she met and saved on her travels named Claw
Talents: Incredible at flirting her way out of problems and incredibly agile and fast, Good Aim at Archery
Weapons: a small knife she found and kept
Year-Round or Summer: Year round

Three things:

First, if she found the camp when she was 16, and she is 16 now, how has she been at camp for a year? :P

Second, You use commas a lot instead of periods, making all your descriptions one sentence rather than the 4 that you need...

Third, Good job, but a bit dark at the end of the history o.o
I dunno if it's considered PG, but if me having a hellhound maul a mortal to death is fine, I don't see why this can't be.

Quote :

Also, please make all of the changes Prince asked you to make!

LOL!

And I know hellhounds happened, but did they rip apart mortals? (Really, did they? I haven't read the first series since middle school, save for the 5th book...)

there i changed

Thanks for making those changes! Accepted!