Ha Ha, I'm gonna' torture u!!!

Ok, so here's a little teaser/sneak peak of the book me and my friend Emily r writing (just for fun!). If u like it, and wany more, PM me, or just put a comment!!! So, without further ado... the beginning of a book that does not yet have a title!! (title ideas are welcome)

Ω BETHANY Ω

Ok, so, maybe I should’ve thought this out a little bit better. Hanging over a cliff from one foot, isn’t the way I pictured this day going. But, I should probably tell you from the beginning.

Ω

Ok, so picture me, a twelve-year-old girl. Not too tall, not too short. You know, your average pre-teen. Well, average besides the fact that people think I’m hot. I was going to school in Texas for the first time. My family moved… a lot. I was born in Maine, and then when I was three, we moved to California. I had a near death experience there… but, that’s another story. Then we moved to Oklahoma, and then Ohio, then Utah, then Kentucky… yeah, you get the picture.


Yes, thats all I'm giving u, and let me tell u... it gets WAY better... so, if u want more, tell me! And titles r welcome!! Thanks!!

-Hannah

Heyo!!! Imma put more on here just cause' i'm bored!!!!


So, I walk into school, and what’s the first greeting I get? Someone slams a pie in my face. I took the pie off, smiled, licked some off, and punched them. Ok, so that might not have been the best way to handle it… but, it worked, they left me alone.
My first class was math, my least favorite. I almost wanted to punch the teacher, but that wouldn’t be a good start on the first day of school. Guys kept staring at me, and I gave them the evil eye… and more than once, the teacher gave me a “no, no” gesture with his index finger. He wasn’t a match for me, so I gave him the dirtiest look I could do. He called me to the principal’s office. I spent the rest of my rotten day there.
At the end of the day, four guys had asked me out. I turned them all down. I sighed as I got into the car with my mom, Melissa. “How was school today honey?” she asked me. I didn’t answer. She was my STEP-mom. She looked at me sympathetically and smiled. “You went to the office I presume? Well, you know what that means,” She says with a devilish look. I grunted in response. I knew what was coming, but I couldn’t help my violent nature. “I know, I know… the room,” I mumble.
The room was a terrible cubby hole in the basement of our house. If there wasn’t one in the house we moved into, she’d make one. Melissa was talking to me about how I should act better, and how I should try and NOT punch somebody. I tuned out, and daydreamed. What did I daydream of? Honestly, you might not want me to translate it.
We pulled into the driveway, and I jumped out before the car even stopped. I thought of the voice when you’re in a rollercoaster, “Please, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle until it comes to a complete stop.” I laughed, thinking of it. I opened the door, and ran straight to my room. I could hear Melissa calling my name, but I shut, and locked my door. I threw my backpack on my bed, and sat in front of the mirror I have in my room.
My room was medium sized and bright orange. When I looked around, I felt like James in “James and the Giant Peach”. My room had a huge window on the wall, and I had put a big vanity desk in the corner. I looked in the mirror, and sighed. Why do I have to be so… pretty? I asked myself.
You want to hear about me? Ok. I have long, fiery red hair, and silver grey eyes. I have a very defined face… and very define check bones. Every guy said I was hot, and then asked me out. I said no when I was feeling kind. When I wasn’t… I punched them in the gut. I put my hair in a high pony-tail, and plopped down on my bed.
I took out my cell-phone, and texted the only friend I had… Andy Catrell. We had been friends since… a year ago? I can’t remember. I texted, Hi, what’s up? He didn’t text back for a while, and the thing is… it wasn’t him. His mom had texted my, putting a tear-eyed smiley face and said, this is Andy’s mom… Andy, died in a car crash last week, a day after you left. I dropped the phone, and my eyes went steely. I got off my bed slowly, and started to unlock my door. When I was about to open the door, I heard a scream. “Melissa?” I asked cautiously.
Just as I was starting to walk down the stairs, I saw something that almost made me feint right there. Some sort of… leathery bird woman was staring at me. I stood my ground, and stared. “I knew you were always some sort of hag…” I say to her. She hissed at me, and smiled, showing fangs. She opened her wings… great, she has wings… and sweetly said, “Hello my child, you missed the fun I had in the room. Come to your mother fury, Tisiphone!” And she lunged.
Ok, two things I learned today. Number one, my supposed “step-mom” is a fury. Number two, her name was actually Tisiphone, not Melissa. That was also probably why I felt like I had a different Melissa… Tisiphone, whatever… a lot of my life. Oh, another thing I learned, I was unarmed.
She lunged, and I dogged. She hissed, and I jumped. The fight went on like that for maybe a half hour. She finally got agitated enough to knock me out the window. I fell on my back (not the most comfortable position) and got up groggily. She flew out the window, and pinned me to the ground. The neighbors were looking at me strange, but nothing more than a, “Why is she rolling on the ground in dog poop?” look. Tisiphone looked at me and smiled. I coughed. “You need a breath mint,” I choked out. She chuckled, and pushed me to the ground even harder. I grunted and held my breath. Then I burst out a great big burp. Not the most girlish thing, but what other options did I have?
She closed her eyes, and I found my shot. I kicked her in the stomach, and stood up quickly. I looked around for something I could use for a weapon. Tisiphone regained her stature, and started to fly at me. I finally had it! I ran as fast I could to the front door. I was fast… WAY faster than Tisiphone… and reached the door first. I closed it, and locked it. I ran up the stairs, and grabbed our big butcher knife.
I heard a loud CRACK and turned around. Tisiphone was crawling up the stairs. I took a chair, and threw it at her head. She deflected it easily, but it made her confused. I took a deep breath and said, “Here goes!” and jumped.
I landed on her back: Good. She was starting to fly out the window with me on her back: Bad. I held on, and she laughed… a terrible cackling sound, and called out to me, “You’ll never live you worm! I’m your mother! Listen to me!”
“Hey, uh, Tisi?” I asked.
“Do not call me that horrid name! What is it that you want you Halfling?!”
“Look over there!” I yelled at her.
She looked, and I stabbed her in the head. She screamed so high-pitched, that my ears popped. She dissolved into a golden dust, and the dust blew away in the wind. I was in the middle of congratulating myself, but I realized I was falling. I screamed, and flailed around in panic. I saw a lake to the right. I tried to make my body go to the right, but it wasn’t working. I was about to give up, until I saw a flock of geese coming towards me. “Ok, here’s a crazy idea. Why not battle a fury and hitch a ride on some geese on the same day?” I said to myself.

1) Regular mortal steel cannot kill monsters
2)I'm in a Creative Writing class, and it really helps.
One of the tips my teacher gave us was show, don't tell. For example, instead of saying "I'm sad," you could show it, by saying something like "Tears cut clean tracks down my face. I stared at the tomb that encased my father, my body racked with sobs." Or something like that. It immerses the reader more. But I really like your story! It sounds really cool!

Well, thats kindov my charactor. she likes to tell, and shes really obvious. But, thanks for the advice!!!

Ok, I have a few things.
1.) Why was she pied in the face? Was it a bully? Or a joke?
2.) Could you describe her house more, what she thinks of it and whether she likes it or not?
3.) Why did she feel like James in James and the Giant Peach?
4.) Could you describe Melissa before she turns into a fury?
The reason, I'm asking you to explain things more is because I really like this and want to no more. I hope I didn't annoy you! Overall, this is really good and I like the way it starts, it makes you want to read more.

I like it. *v*

write more

Hey! I'd just like to ask you: could you please check the dates that this topic was last posted in before you post somewhere? Its just, dragging up very.old topics doesn't really have a point, ya know?