Tethys' Mary Sue Collection (New : Skylar Thunder)

Last edited by tεthys on Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:45 am; edited 10 times in total

LUNA MOON THE MARY SUE
- CHAPTER 1 -

Luna Moon walked out into her backyard. It was nighttime, and she was bathed in the light of the full moon. Her silvery eyes stared up at the round disk in the sky, with curiosity. Luna loved the night. She smiled, and all of a sudden a lady popped up from behind a bush.

"Hello, Luna."

"Who the heck are you? What are you doing in my backyard!" She said, unsure.

The lady had silver eyes like her own, and a warm smile. Suddenly, a lot more people jumped out from behind the bushes. They were all girls. She stared at the lady in confusion, waiting for an answer.

"I am Artemis."

"Oh my gosh! Isn't that, like, a mythological person?"

"I am the Greek goddess, Artemis, and I am your mother."

"Really? That's so cool! Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she complained, but went up and hugged the random lady that she know knew was her mother.

"I was waiting for the right time," she said, in a dramatic and wistful way, as she looked off into the distance.

"Oh! Now what?" she cocked her head, "Are you going to stay?"

"No. I have came to offer you something."

"Ooh, an offer! What are you offering me?" she asked, excitedly.

"You may join me. You can become one of my hunters. Be immortal, and kill monsters for the rest of your life."

"Okay! I'll join."

"Repeat after me -

I pledge myself to the Goddess Artemis
I turn my back on the company of men,
Accept eternal maidenhood,
And join the Hunt."

"Okay!" she repeated the words her mother said. "Cool! Am I, like, immortal?"

"Yes. Unless you die in battle"

LUNA MOON THE MARY SUE
- CHAPTER 2 -

Luna smiled, and walked over to meet the other hunters. For the next hundreds of years, she was the best huntress. She always killed the monsters, and was respected by everyone, even the gods.

Finally, after 1000 years, her mother told her, "Do you want to be a goddess?"

"Ya, duh!" she exclaimed.

"Since you are the best hunter, I will grant you with godly powers."

She muttered something under her breathe, and Luna began to glow.

"Woah," she said, and there was a flash of light. Luna was now a god.

"You are now Luna, goddess of the night sky."

"Yes!" she said, and teleported to Olympus, since she had godly powers.

Artemis followed. Luna saw all the Olympians there, plus Hestia tending a fire.

All the gods bowed down to her, even Zeus.

"Hello Luna, goddess of the night sky."

"Hi, Zeus!" she said, happily.

"Since you have proved yourself so amazing," he explained, "You will be crowned queen of the Gods."

Luna squealed, "Awesome! Thanks," Hera shot a jealous glance in Luna's direction.

Hera, infuriated, pulled out her sword, and slashed at Luna. Luna teleported behind her, and punched Hera, killing her.

"Now that she is gone, I can be queen! OMG, yay!" she said. All the Olympians cheered, and bowed down to her. Luna took her rightful place on the throne next to Zeus.

"Now that the great Luna is Queen of the gods, we will have a feast!"

LUNA MOON THE MARY SUE
- CHAPTER 3 -

The table was filled with candy, ice cream, ambrosia, and nectar. Luna ate all of the ice cream, and got full quickly, so she didn't eat anything else. Of course, the sugary food would never make her gain weight, since she was a goddess.

She was about to pour one of those oversized Pixie Stix into her mouth, when someone kicked open the door. All the gods and goddesses of Olympus fell silent when they saw the golden eyed titan.

Kronos smiled slyly, and said, "I will destroy Olympus, so I can rule the world!" Lightning flashed dramatically behind him, and he chuckled evilly, "Muahaha!"

"No!" said Luna, bravely, "You won't! I will destroy you." She raised her hands, and beams of energy shot out of them, and to the evil titan lord.

"Nooo!" he screamed before exploding into dust, and was cast to Tartarus.

All the gods clapped, and cheered in her honor, "That was a fantastic act of bravery!" said her mother, Artemis, crying tears of joy.

Zeus settled everyone down, "To honor this great hero, Luna, goddess of the night sky, I will give her a gift."

All the other gods clapped in approval, "Wow, that was amazing!" said Ares, knowing he could have never defeated Kronos.

After the gods quieted down again, Zeus explained, "I will bless her with the ability to cause world peace."

LUNA MOON THE MARY SUE
- Chapter 4 -

Zeus mumbled something under his breathe, the way Artemis did when Luna was being transformed into a goddess. Again, Luna began to glow. Her luminescence grew stronger, and stronger, and finally there was a flash of light.

The gods clapped and cheered, wishing that they could do more the lovely goddess. However, the Mary Sue had nearly everything she dreamed of. They could do nothing more.

Luna levitated back down to Earth. She landed in the middle of a small town. She was ready to make use of the new power. She started chanting. Luna knew exactly what to say; all the words flowed together, making perfect sense to her.

All of a sudden, the whole Earth glowed. Then, as quick as it started, the glow subsided. As Luna walked through the streets, she saw that everyone was peaceful, happy, and doing as they wish. Everyone smiled and waved to their neighbors across the street.

Luna explored the rest of the world. In France, Mexico, China, and hundreds more places, everyone was doing stuff peacefully, happily, and freely. She saw a discarded newspaper on the ground, and for the title it said, ALL WAR IN THE UNIVERSE HAS ENDED THANKS TO A BEAUTIFUL GODDESS, LUNA.

Billions of people worshiped her. She had her own holiday called Luna Day. Everyone voted that she should be the queen of the world, and she agreed.

People begged to be her servant, so Luna had over 6,000,000,000 slaves. Luna, along with the rest of the world, would never be unhappy again.

THE END
(maybe...)

Do you think the last chapter was too over the top? Should I make a sequel to this terrible story? Post, and tell me what you think. :]

2, she needs to date Nico, and have her mom let her, even though she's a huntress.

Last edited by Alouεttε on Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:37 pm; edited 4 times in total

SKYLAR THUNDER THE MARY SUE
- CHAPTER 1 -

My name is Skylar. I've been on my own for a really long time. My stepfather and mom hate me, and always ignore me. So, I ran away from home.

Now I live in the wild, struggling to survive, with only my electric sword, Zap. Monsters attack me all the time, and I'm barely able to defend myself.

On one cold day, it was raining. The water poured down from the sky, soaking me in the process. My teeth chattered because of the cold. I looked in the distance, and lightning struck, revealing a man that hadn't been there seconds ago.

My first thought - run. But I was too nervous to run. The man approached, and finally stopped a foot or two away from me.

"I am Zeus. Your father."

I stared back at him blankly, not really getting it. Unsure of what to say, I blinked - just for a split second, and I was somewhere else. I was in a grassy area, surrounded by a bunch of small houses. No - they were cabins. Was this a camp?

The rain was gone, replaced by sunshine. Teens, and some younger children, ran around camp in orange T-shirts that said 'Camp Half-Blood' with lethal weapons.

About to get up, I say someone my age. He had beautiful, pitch black hair, and sparkly sea green eyes.

"H-hello," she said to the mysterious camper.

"Hi! Are you a new camper?" he asked, clearly happy to see me.

"I guess..."

"I'm Percy Jackson. Do you know your parent?" he asked, generously.

I smiled at him, timidly, "A guy named Zeus said he was my father."

"Wow; children of Zeus are rare! Let me show you around camp."

He held my hand, and pulled me toward one of the cabins. It was huge, and made of shiny white marble.

"This is where you stay."

I nodded, and followed him to the one right next to it.

"This is where I stay. The Poseidon cabin."

Wow, I thought. It was pretty short, unlike my cabin, but it was covered in seashells, and smelled of the ocean.

Then he showed me the rest of the camp. There was an Amphitheater, the strawberry fields, the armory, and so many other places. And I can't forget about the arena.

As we walked in there, still holding hands, but then he let his hand free of mine. Percy pulled out a pen, and when he uncapped it it turned into a really pointy and shiny sword.

"Wow," I said. That sword was pretty cool. "I... I have a sword too."

I pulled out Zap. Well, I didn't exactly pull it out. I took it off my arm; my sword was disguised as a bracelet. A man gave it to me when I was little. I think it was the same guy that said he was my dad.

As I clutched it in my hand, it elongated into a shiny celestial bronze sword. It crackled with electricity.

"Cool," he said, "Are you good with your sword?"

I grinned, and nodded. "Are you?"

"I'm the best at camp with swords."

"Really?"

"Ya."

"Well, not for long."

I attacked him. Well, not enough to hurt him. Much, anyways. He fell, but got back up and striked back. We dueled for a while, but Percy was too tired and I was able to defeat him.

At the end, he was panting, and said, "You... won..."

Mary Sue Accomplishments (and the future ones, too)
- Made an OOC character.
- Made girl able to fight with a sword better than Percy Jackson.
- Made her have a tragic-ish past.
- Made girl and Percy Jackson love each other. (Like in that Rosemarylln story.)
- Made Skylar Thunder have a name related to her parent.
- Made multiple boys have a crush on her.
- Made Annabeth be her worst enemy.

This is the most amazing story I have ever read. I just want to dip in a spicy sauce and eat it up! The character, Luna, is well thought out, has flaws, and is not over-powered nor over-anything. She is obviously not a Mary-Sue. I like the story so far. Nice plot, it's not boring, and it's perfect in every way. 10/10.

...Now, if you believed me up to this point, I pity you. But really, Tethys, thanks for entertaining me. That was truly...wow.

I fell for it. I was ready to explain to you that it wasn't supposed to be amazing, then I read the last part. xD

Hahaha. xD

*goes into flaming mode*
This isn't as Mary-Sue as I wanted, Tethys.

She needs to be slutty.
She needs to make out with every guy.
She needs an army of men.
She needs to be able to kill people by looking at them.
She needs to have lazy eye-sight.

Your grammar and spelling is perfect. You need to get off of spellcheck! I recommended you don't keep writing... Gawsh.

-my impersonation of an always going to be flamer xD

xD Everyone told me that Mary Sues didn't need bad spelling and grammar ... Sorry, I'll make it worse.

You don't for a Mary-Sue story... But a fully bad one? Yah, look at chapters 13-44 in My Immortal xD

STORY = COMPLETE
( maybe . . . )

Tethys!!!!!!! Have you been reading the 'ten commandments of a Mary-Sue' by Akelios and Delphine Inc???? That would really help you! It's like an awesome guide to Mary sues!!! Or have you read the stories BeginningtgeREVOTULTION are posting? Those were perfect examples of Mary sue stories!!! Oh, and I really tried to do a Mary sue story, and I failed..DX

authors needed skills in writing awful stories, much less keeps it upXD

I'm reading that now. xD
Ohhh, seems useful. I'm going to write a Mary Sue using that fantastic guide. :]

Love the revolution. You got to read the one where she's a perfect mortal and Zeus made her a god. It's super sucks! And I love it!

xD What's it called?

Forgot...sorryDX
But, I talked to the head of the Revolution about you joining the group.. We have a separated account here we write these aweful/awesome stories. But all of these are under the group's name but you could add your name before your story. Get it? I surely don't get what I saidXD

WELL, currently my story for a Mary sue is:
'Perfect Ending' by muwah. But it's under the author BeginningtgeREVOLUTION.

I don't get it, but I'll look at the story... xD

Just read the stories from the author... I'll give you the link(hopefully cause I'm using my iPod).

Author:
http://m.fanfiction.net/u/2741476/BeginningTheREVOLUTION

Story I want you to look at:
= http://m.fanfiction.net/s/6783267/1/

xD Okay, Can. By the way, I uploaded Luna Moon the Mary Sue on fanfiction!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6868422/1/Luna_Moon_the_Mary_Sue

Cool! *goes and reviews*

» A quite surprise(Private to Skylar)
» A horrifying chase!!(Private to Skylar)
» Annabeth Skylar and the Explanation Part One
» MARY SUES - RP
» Tips On Avoiding Mary-sues!