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Camp Half Blood is the sister site of Camp Jupiter.

 

 "Three Completely Different Friends." Update

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Did You Like the Introduction?
OH YEAH!
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YES!
"Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_vote_lcap0%"Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_vote_rcap
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IT WAS OKAY.
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BAD (SUGGESTIONS PLEASE)!
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HORRIBLE (SUGGESTIONS PLEASE)!
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Total Votes : 7
 

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jessica
SICJ A WPMDERF; MEMBER
jessica


Posts : 3522
Join date : 2010-10-09
Age : 27

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PostSubject: "Three Completely Different Friends." Update   "Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_icon_minitimeFri Nov 12, 2010 1:20 am

Introduction=

I never wanted to know so many secrets to tell so many lies. They were secrets I had to keep them. I though everything would be okay, until my thirteenth birthday. It seemed everything was going fine until they disappeared. The used-to-be, soon-to-be friends who got mad at each other. For reasons I couldn’t explain, until the very same thing happened to me. Sometimes I wish I could redo the thirteenth year of my life, but even though things started getting bad, there were good things, lucky things that happened to me.

I’m Michelle Diana Kara. I’m thirteen years old and my birthday is today, November second, 1997. I am about five feet tall, I know I’m short. What do I look like? I have straight light blond hair, dark blue eyes, a slight smile probably from my mothers inability to have a big smile, my legs are long and skinny, and my braces are currently pink. That’s not my whole appearance, so hang on for a few more agonizing seconds of describing myself, almost perfect me. I have tanned skin, rosy cheeks, thin but healthy body, light brown eyebrows, and a small nose. I love to wear pink, purple, blue, or black, after all black is slimy.

I have one major thing to say. I, Michelle Diana Kara, am all about fashion. I would say my two flaws are being mostly Scottish (The rest of me is Mexican) and being rich. Sometimes being rich makes me brag, which is probably why I don’t have many friends. Most of the girls my age want to be me though. I am outgoing towards my friends, family, and the people I want to confront. That’s not much at all. I’m kind and caring most of the time. I’m not an outdoorsy type at all. My father left my family when I was born, so I don’t even know him. I have a brother named Derek and my mother Trish, doesn’t really care about me that much. She calls me doll an awful lot, which I hate. Then there’s my step-dad Darren who has a little daughter named Katy. Now she’s a doll. I love my family most of the time and my friends too! I don’t know my real feelings for my real dad, right now the hope that he’ll come back and give me a hug.

First of all, this is my journal. Here you’ll find stories and secrets about my friends, family, and crushes. I only share it with my closest friends. That should mean you! You and only you. But if I were you I’d share this book with your best friend. Let’s start in the story of which I met one of my best friends in the whole wide world. This is Mell.

‘It’s my first day of Kindergarten or September 14th, 2003. My hair is in pigtails. I walk into a classroom full of kids my age, I don’t know what to expect. (just remember I didn’t right this story in Kindergarten. I’ve kept in my head for a long time). A olive skinned girl walked up to me. She had black hair in pigtails, just like my hair was. Her blue dress wasn’t fancy like my pink one. She had piercing green eyes, which made me a little jealous. She had a smile that was a smidge smaller than mine. She said, “Hello, my name is Elizabeth Melissa Hamton. Call me Mell. Who are you?”
“I’m Michelle Diana Kara. You can call me Michelle or Ella, either one will do. Nice to meet you Elizabeth-” I say stopping as soon as I heard my self say Elizabeth.

“I thought I said to call me Mell. Or did I? Huh?”

“Sorry, Nice to meet you Mell!”

“You too! Want to sit together?”

“Sure, why don’t you like your name, Mell?”

“Long story, I’ll tell you when I can trust you more.”

After my short conversation with Meliss- Mell, I follow her to a table in the middle of the room. Funny enough our names were right by each other. We sit down in our seats and wait for the teacher and the good-morning bell. We had to wait five minutes or was it ten. I didn’t know how to tell time yet.’

Well, that’s my friend Mell. I don’t want to tell you why Mell doesn’t like to be called by her real name, yet. I’ll tell you later. Now time for another story. This one is from Third Grade. It’s a very good memory. It’s the memory of Cassidy Laliss Bootch. She is my other best friend. She treats me great. Here’s the fabulous story about how Mell and I became friends with Cassidy Bootch.

‘It’s the middle of Fourth Grade, and the teacher, Ms.Butcher announced, “Class please welcome your new classmate Cassidy L. Bootch. Cassidy fixed her model like hair. In unison the class said, “Welcome to Ms.Butcher’s class, Cassidy.” The class resumed their whispering, mostly gossip. The teacher turned to Cassidy and said, “Cassidy, you can sit with Michelle and Elizabeth.” Mell shuddered when she heard her name. Mell reminded the teacher that she didn’t like to be called Elizabeth, and that Mell was fine. As Cassidy got closer, I could make out her full appearance.

Cassidy had straight reddish-brown hair, she had hazel eyes, she wore glasses over her beautiful hazel eyes, and she had a big gorgeous smile. Then she was missing two teeth, but is now about to get her braces taken off. She was wearing a bright orange dress, much like a royal princesses. Cassidy had high cheekbones and long eyelashes. She was wearing pitch black flats. She looked pretty nervous, after all it was her first day at a new school, or maybe she was hiding a secret. One year later I figured out that it was a secret that she was hiding, but we all had our secrets.

During work time Cassidy said “Hello Elizabeth. Hello Michelle.” Mell gave her a look and said, “Hello Cassidy, call me Mell please. Please call me Mell.” I giggled playfully and said, “Hello Cassidy. It’s really, really, nice to meet you.”

Well that’s the story of how I met Cassidy. We’ve been best friends practically ever since. I remember every time we laughed and every time we frowned. Today is the day before the three year anniversary of when Mell and I first met Cassidy. Today however, is my birthday, and Cassidy and Mell will probably be waiting for me at school. So I better hurry up and get to school.

Let’s make sure I have the necessary things. For example this very notebook that I’m writing to you in. I also need my flute and backpack. My backpack includes all my school needs. I grab my money for the school lunch and I look at my check list to see if I forgot anything. I scroll down the list thinking, “Got it, got it, got it. Got it, and don’t got it. Where’s my lucky birthday sweater? I go to the small section of my closet where I had all the clothes for special occasions. There my sweater was. I slipped it over my dress and the pink fabric was comforting.

“Mom! Are you ready? Hurry up if you’re not.” I call up the winding staircases. I hated those. They were the ones who caused my broken arm in first grade, luckily Mell was there for me.

“Yes, doll. I’ll be right down. Just hop in the BMW.” My mother yells from upstairs. Why did she call me doll all the time. And why did she never have any spare time for us, except for taking me to school? I roll my eyes. I walk over to the garage, but on the way my older brother, Derek bumped me in the armed roughly. “Ouch, why did you do that?” I think to myself looking at my feet. Then I look back up and into my brothers eyes. I dropped my journal on accident when he bumped me.

“What is your problem Derek?” I say angrily. My brother made me angry sometimes. I breathe heavily, regaining my sannity. He did bump into me rather rudely, after all.

“I don’t know, doll. Do you think I have a problem doll?” asks Derek making fun of the word “doll.” Okay, now I was mad. I roll my eyes and say, “YStop calling me “doll.” You should call Katy “doll.””

“Why in the world would I call my girlfriend “doll?”” asks Derek.

“Not that one you idiot!” I scream quietly at him. “Out Kindergarten sister. Do you have any common sense?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Derek leaves the house and hops into his car and drives towards the high school I would be going to in a little under two years. I hop into my mothers BMW. I see my fathers Porche only two feet away in the one car garage that was connected to our two car garage. I buckle the seatbelt of the passenger seat of the car. Just then my mother comes out into the garage. I prepare my worry speech, yeah I was worried about my brother.

“Mom, I’m worried about Derek. Really worried.” I announce, “He’s late to school every Tuesday and for what? To get an ISS (In School Suspension) every five weeks? He didn’t even see me until he bumped into me this morning.”

My mother says, “Oh don’t fret doll. He’s a junior, he’ll be fine. Just relax doll.”

“Fine. I sure hope so.” I say not to sure about him. He was a junior and juniors can get rough.



Well, that was the introduction, I hope you liked it, it i s a little discriptive, but writers are supposed to be discriptive. Don't worry Chapter 1 will be better, much better.
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jessica
SICJ A WPMDERF; MEMBER
jessica


Posts : 3522
Join date : 2010-10-09
Age : 27

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PostSubject: Re: "Three Completely Different Friends." Update   "Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_icon_minitimeFri Nov 12, 2010 11:50 pm

PLEASE READ AND VOTE PUT YOUR COMMENTS BELOW
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Kendall
Experienced Poster
Kendall


Posts : 2603
Join date : 2010-03-01
Age : 24
Location : Up your butt and around the corner

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PostSubject: Re: "Three Completely Different Friends." Update   "Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_icon_minitimeSat Nov 13, 2010 12:18 pm

Erh, I suggest making the introduction a bit shorter. This is about the size of 2 chapeters, for something that's supposed to catch your readers attention and make them not stop reading it.

Name suggestions...

"Three Completely Different Friends." Sounds like a GREAT chapter name. For the name, think of something original, one word or something simpler to remember. I can't suggest a name for you, it's your story(:

Btw, this introduction is 1,604 words long, unless you want your book to be as thick as one of those "Logic and money and politics" books, make it shorter(:
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Baby Lex
Experienced Poster
Baby Lex


Posts : 2917
Join date : 2010-10-10
Age : 29
Location : Dumbhairshire.

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PostSubject: Re: "Three Completely Different Friends." Update   "Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_icon_minitimeSat Nov 13, 2010 7:38 pm

LOL @ "Logic and money and politics" XD
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jessica
SICJ A WPMDERF; MEMBER
jessica


Posts : 3522
Join date : 2010-10-09
Age : 27

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PostSubject: Re: "Three Completely Different Friends." Update   "Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_icon_minitimeSun Nov 14, 2010 6:58 pm

Actually I typed the intro on Pages (Apple Word Document) and it was only like three pages....
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PostSubject: Re: "Three Completely Different Friends." Update   "Three Completely Different Friends." Update I_icon_minitime

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