Why Turtle doens't really want to date again until after high school even though most of you probably don't care or have heard this story already (Self Harm TW)

I had a boyfriend for about two weeks in June and it was cute and we made out a lot but then I realized I had no feelings for him so we broke up

About a month later I found out I he was in to cutting and he would probably have asked me to do that if I stayed with him and also that he had pretty much lied about everything about himself and I like to think I'm over it but I don't trust myself as much anymore so don't really know