i used to rule the world --- faye's notebook

October 5th, 2013
Sorry if you were expecting some, 'Dear Diary' intro, because that's not what you're going to get. I don't really think anyone deserves a dainty diary after what happened, nah. We all need therapists. But that'll never happen, and everyone knows it. What you see is what you get, and that's a sad stand point for camp.

It started so quickly, almost in the middle of the day. I was talking to James at the time, and then I saw them. The eyes were so lifeless, it will haunt me forever. The worst part was that I felt like I almost knew, in that second, that something horrible was about to happen... and what did I do? I froze. I never freeze.

I'm Faye McJean, daughter of Athena, I never freeze. I've killed dozens of enemy demigods, monsters, and the occasional fly, but the site of black eyes made me freeze? And that was just the start. Moving into cabin five, taking orders... yeah I can't take orders. I'm the daughter of battle strategy, I can't just take orders. I have to give them. I have to do something, but every time I did? I froze.

Then it was Vinnie. Stabbing through his skull with my sword, praying I aligned everything correctly, so he would be in minimal pain. I saw his eyes turn black. Black. I knew I could never get my adrenaline junkie back, never feel his presence. Everything just seemed to freeze over, leaving me numb and useless.  

Then it was James and June, discussing everything. Sending out groups of campers to patrol the area, getting supplies. It was almost normal, like I could understand it and comprehend what was going on. Making up strategies kept me going most days, aside from the constant shaking. I had to think about something, and if it had to be the zombies, at least it was how to destroy them.

Next, James suggested we go out. That was officially the worst decision he has ever made. Ever. It started out as I expected, walking through the destruction, breathing only through our mouths. The smell was the worst, a mix of blood, human flesh, and death, only ten times worse. The grass was stained red and black, a crude mixture of mortal and undead blood. Buildings were falling over, cabins with holes in them, and decaying bodies every two yards.

Then it was the bite. Not me, James. My James. The person who kept me alive during the apocalypse. Bitten, sent to die. I saw it in his eyes. Fear, something unknown to most Ares kids. Then again, James was different... and dying. He gave me orders. I hesitated. I froze. Carving off his forearm, followed by red. Everything was red and cold. Frozen in red.

Red is an all too human color. The color of blood, what keeps us alive, and loosing it costs us our lives. A simple concept, but in that moment, watching the red pool at my feet, it couldn't seem more important. If there's anything I remember about this, it'll be that damn color. Red. Anger, Love, Power, such a human color... and we were losing it left and right. We were losing our human. I need to get it back.

- Faye McJean

October 9th, 2013
I'm still working on getting back into the daily  routine of things. I don't feel like I'm living in the same place, like it's changed. Somehow, the familiar dorms seem like a place filled with nightmares, of different horrors. First, a loved one dies, then the light leaves someone's eyes. It's always different, but equally disturbing.

I've begun to sleepwalk as I dream, I have to lock my room. The first night was the worst. I slept walk to who knows where, in my pajamas, unarmed and unaware of my surroundings. I woke up to nightmares, replaying everything I had regretted.  I felt like I was watching a show, where  they displayed all of my failures and fears; but most of it was real. I think... I can't really be sure. Memories are very unclear these days, like I'm blind, with pieces of vision lost.

Anyways, I woke up from the image of me slicing off James' arm, really nice huh? I didn't know where I was, and I was sweating. I thought everyone was dead, or maybe I was in Hell. No, I am, but, you know, theoretically. James was there though, in the infirmary. He's alive. At first I thought he was a ghost, but when I touched him, he was actually there. I could feel him.

We talked, about everything, after a long time of just holding each other. This wasn't easy for anyone, but having my face pressed against his neck helped. Just for a little while. Then we talked, he got angry,  I tried to call him down, and well... I don't know. I couldn't dream of living without him, doesn't that sound cliche? But I think it's true. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I can't.

- Faye McJean