torn -- raziel

Raziel cautiously stepped into the threshold of the famed Amphitheater and to her surprise, it was empty. Utterly bare of any other living soul (barring perhaps a few little bugs here and there, but that's beside the point). Raziel didn't quite know whether to feel relieved or what as she walked across in quick strides, vaguely hearing the muted noise caused by her sneakers padding against the grass. She usually enjoyed company, after all. Now... well, she just wasn't in the mood. It was like those days when people tended to deviate from their usual standbys. She couldn't really explain the feeling, but she was sure of one thing. She appreciated the solitude. Have some peace and quiet for a change.

Raziel took a graceful running leap to the stage, twisting quickly on the balls of her feet to face the empty benches meant for the audience. Wrapping her arms around herself, Raziel squeezed her eyes shut, taking deep breaths and staying like that for a while. Raziel tried to relax, but she found that she couldn't release the tension. It was unnerving her. This was peace and quiet right here. That was what she had wanted, right? If so, why did she still seem so... unsatisfied? Why was her tense body telling her otherwise?

Sighing wearily, Raziel reopened her eyes and saw a microphone stand by the side of the stage. Struck by a sudden impulse, she quickly ran up to it and switched it on, smiling when she saw that it was working. A few mic tests later, Raziel took careful steps back to the center of the stage, the mic gripped tightly in her right hand. Though she faced only a bunch of inanimated objects, Raziel felt thrilled just at the prospect of being there onstage, ready for a show. After all, if there was one thing in the world that she loved above all, it was performing. Or to be more exact, it was singing.

"I thought I saw a man brought to life..." Raziel began softly. Her voice rose above the quiet of the open space and she smiled a little. She continued, her voice gradually increasing in volume yet retaining its quality. Within mere seconds, the song was already working its magic. Raziel was slipping into a world where only she and music existed. Her eyes had closed by now, strained shut as she moved around as if she was really performing in a show. This felt good. It was amazing how music helped erase her worries with just a few notes. For a few moments, Raziel felt like she was in another world where nothing else mattered.

Raziel sucked in a deep breath before letting it all out. "I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel," she sang to the lofty trees that stood behind the benches. While the entire song wasn't exactly something Raziel could relate to, it was another story for her to take each line individually. The song spoke of heartbreak, which the demititan had yet to experience (she hoped not to experience, actually), but still, Raziel had been broken so many times now. Shunned by society, her old friends, and even her family, she sometimes wondered how much more can she take before totally losing it.

Tightening her grip on the mic, Raziel stared at the empty benches and imagined smiling faces cheering for her. That had been before. Back when she was a campus star. Back when the wheels of fate had turned to leave her standing at the highest she had ever been in. Her heart clenched when she remembered that they would only be memories trapped in her mind, and that she could do nothing to turn back time and watch it all happen again. She managed to keep her voice from shaking as she sang the next line, "Illusion never changed into something real." It pained Raziel to think that what was once reality can now only be an illusion, and it pained her more to know that it was only through her imagination that she can go back to how it had been.

"I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn." Bringing her gaze skyward, Raziel admired the way it seemed so normal and, well, fine. The clouds drifted almost lazily overhead as the sun shyly peeked out to watch the world below. It was so clear that it annoyed her. How can the day be so perfect while she was so shattered inside? Raziel imagined a crack against the sky as if Zeus had angrily broke it with lightning. She wanted it to be broken, just like her. It was selfish, but she could no longer help herself.

"You're a little late," Raziel could only force the last words out as she tore her gaze from the sky to look at her imaginary audience. "I'm already torn." Crushed. Broken. She was the daughter who should never have existed. A person deprived of love and care. A demititan alienated from her peers. A girl so crushed that faking a positive demeanor no longer made her feel better.

"Torn..." Raziel sang softly, her voice diminishing until it faded completely. A single tear squeezed out of her closed eyelid and rolled down her pale cheek. It was hard to keep going, hard to look happy for everyone, but she had to stand it. She was alone in a deep dark pit and she had to find it in herself the strength to get out of it, for no one can pull her up to safety. She had to hide everything; there was no other way.

No one can help her. No one needed to know that Raziel was torn.