some twisted kind of romance, bro~

I’m not one for ranting. I don’t like people knowing that I’m upset, or annoyed, or angry, because I always seem to spend all of my time making sure that others are happy, and trying to make them laugh, but I have to let this out, because it’s really been bothering me lately. This is long, btw. Sorry.

Few of you know about this boy called George. George. George. There is a picture of both of us in reveal yourself, which is the only photo I have of us since…what? We were eight, and I was riding his bike and he got the camera all up in my face, It wasn’t very flattering, but that’s the only other picture I have of him and I together, because everything between us is so complicated and painful that I found myself bursting into tears last night thinking about it.

I’mma explain; George lives in England, on my aunt’s street. Nearly eight years ago, when the street and housing area had only just been built, my aunt and uncle moved into the neighbourhood with their newborn baby, my cousin. Also having just moved into these new houses was a big family, one of which being George. I went up for a week in the summer, from Wales, with my mum and dad and younger sister to stay with my aunt. The first day I was there – it was super hot outside, and we got there about four in the afternoon – we got out of the car onto the street and there was a small boy riding around on his roller-blades, with funny dark hair and the geekiest of glasses. My aunt told me that the boy was called George, and he was the same age as me, and that I should go out and says hi. Obviously, the street was in a quiet area, with loads of cul-de-sacs running of it before leading into a stack of apartments; very expensive area. Me and the boy got talking, and it wasn’t long before we starting running around after each-other like kids do, and talking about how I was a belt higher than him in karate (I still hold that over him). The week ended, and I went home, but me and George were still friends; playing outside everyday together.

So, every year, I went down. I saw him when I was nine. I didn’t when I was ten, because he was on holiday, I saw him when I was eleven, twelve, and thirteen. We grew up, and because of my aunt’s busy schedule, we could only go down to stay with her for a single week a year, and because the school half-term dates slightly differentiate for Wales and England. All these years, me and George were friends, going from running around playing tag, to playing football, to just…talking and laughing. We always promised that we would stay in touch, but it’s hard, you know? We never stayed in contact for more than a few weeks, because we just…were busy in the places we were. When I was thirteen though, he had a girlfriend, and I realised how much that hurt me. She was out with us one day, and she was all over him, while I had to watch and laugh about it as if it was nothing to me, but it hurt. I pretended it didn’t, but it did. The last time I saw him that year, we had been hugging by the side of his house and the rain poured down at around midnight and I was only wearing shorts and a shirt, but I hadn’t wanted to leave him for a second to get a shirt.

Okay. So this year? I went down…just after my fourteenth birthday in June, and he was single. Apparently, the last girlfriend he had – the girl I met – had been way too clingy to him, and all she cared about was…well, the kissing, which was completely pathetic. Let me tell you; George was looking the best I’d ever seen him. He plays for a professional rugby team for his county, so he had to really take care of his body. I spent just under a week there this year, and nearly every night he had to leave at seven to go to the gym. He has to work up his muscles and stuff because he wants to play for his country, not just county, so he really takes it seriously. He’s always sipping these protein drinks – which are disgusting – and he showed me how to tackle someone in rugby. Literally, I spent all of one day running after him, trying to grab him and get him down. He let me get him down, because that’s who he is, but it was funny. He was into this girl, Chloe, but they weren’t going out or anything. He told me that I was the only girl he had ever felt comfortable to talk to about anything, and that he wished I could live in his town so much. I felt the same, obviously.

The last night I was there; it was raining, again, which was pretty coincidental, I know. We were sitting down of the curb next to each-other, looking out. He was wearing sweats because he just got back from the gym, and I was wearing…I can’t even remember; jeans, probably. We were listening to Ed Sheeran from his Blackberry, and just talking. And then it hit ten o’clock, and it was getting dark, and I knew I’d have to go in soon, and I started to cry. And he put an arm around me and said, “I want to cry too, but you just have to smile instead. Always keep smiling”. That broke my heart, and soon I was struggling not to cry, just hugging him. And then it got really weird, because ‘Kiss me’ came on – which is a great Sheeran song btw. Look it up – and I pulled away sort of to look up at him. And he looked sad, but he smiled at me anyway and I did the same. And I wanted to kiss him so badly. I mean, I have never wanted to kiss someone so much in my life; not even Justin. George is just…perfect to me. He never stop laughing, and only wants to make people happy, and doesn’t care what people think of him, and doesn’t hurt people’s feelings, and is like…I cant even describe it. And we were there, and I just wanted to kiss him, dude. Sorry for getting all gross and sloppy, but its true. The day after he would get to school early and I would get on the train back home, so this would be our last chance to kiss or another year, and I have literally spent years thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.

But we didn’t kiss, because of Chloe, this girl he’d met. It would be selfish of me to kiss him, when he could get with this girl over there when I’m in a completely different country to him, so I just continued hugging him. And then when I had to go in, he walked me to the front door and hugged me one last time, and I kissed his neck and said bye. It gets harder to say goodbye every year, I swear. I practically crying all night, both of us talking on the phone for hours in the night.

He’s still with Chloe, bless, and they seem to be really happy. I rang him up the other day – we failed to stay in touch, again – but he’s pretty busty with Chloe. I really have to move on, like he has. He said, on that last night, that he would date me if we lived closer, but we cant so we just have to forget about each other in that way. That’s why I’m always talking about a different guy all the time on chatbox or whatever; I’m trying to prove to myself and people that I have moved on, even though you guys wouldn’t understand. None of my relationships last, because the only people I want to date is Canadian and doesn’t know I exist, or living in England, dating a girl that seems real bishy and looks like a blonde version of Greek. Ugh, sorry Greek, but you are much more beautiful :P

So yes. I guess it hurts when people are all like “Oh look, Welshy has another boy again! She’s boy crazy!” Because that’s really not true. I find guys I have fun with, talk about them and forget about them because they’re not George. I don’t know whether I’m going to go and see him next year. Maybe I should stay about and forget about him, but I want to cry at the thought of waiting two years to see him again, even if we never speak anymore.

Rant over. Sorry for wasting your time, I guess.

Boys are icky.

Well, not all of them, since oh wow there are amazing guys here and sometimes in real life but they just don't seem to act the same way we do. Iknow, it's hard, it's crazy.

But it's life.

Welshy, Moon, you guys(girls) are both amazing and wonderful that Lord God, why do you both want to cry over some boy? True, falling in love does seem to be beautiful, hell even I fell for it once...or twice...okay, a lot of times, but the point is, if they're really for you, they could wait. It could wait. We're what? 15? 14? God, there are about 3.4 BILLION other guys out there made perfect for you, and only you, but the thing is we have to wait.

I don't know what you believe in. Fate, destiny, God, but just let them think of a perfect fairy tale just for you. You'll see. From experience, crying over a guy just doesn't help. So what, you spent the night crying, does things change? Do they love you all of the sudden in the rush and just think, 'hey, someone cried for me, I lovethem.'? No, because that's just not how life goes. Yeah, I know.

It's hard. Sometimes you just have to place yourself out of his way to pour out the feeling and try to convince yourself that you're okay, but that's just normal. Every teenager have this phase where they think the people they like are their 'meant-to-be's' and whatnot.

Just try to live your life. Somewhere, there's a guy for you. A lot will fall over you, worship the ground you step on, love you just as well, but guys, we're young, life's ahead of us.

Have patience.

~A not so wise, Banana

Oh shiznit, bro, that was deep rofl.

Oh wow Banana.. now I feel stupid and guilty... because I know that you're right. Thanks girlies xD

For the majority of what you said above I was thinking and like screaming, "OTP!!! BEAUTY! I CAN'T EVEN." Like, those were my main thoughts but when you started talking about you being boy crazy and just having fun with random guys, I understand you, man. Almost all of my friends do the same thing, but then they all have that one guy who's just like... always there for them, man. We all have that one guy who's just the one guy that's always there for you. For me, it's Ryan. For you, it's George.

With me, just to attempt to get over Ryan, I messed around with Chris and Alex and some other guys, but like, it's always been Ryan. I got you, dog. I get the feels, man.

Also, I am super incoherent so don't ask me to elaborate lmao. I'm gonna go post for you because DRABBBY. :D Bye, I love you. (:

Pffft, every guy close to me calls me a bro. Cause no, yuck, I'm too demure for that. *sticks out tongue* And why do you guys seem so surprise when I give advie? I'm deep...sometimes.