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 Tell me what you think!

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How is my story?
*Diez* I love it!!!
57%
 57% [ 4 ]
Great! Keep writing!
29%
 29% [ 2 ]
It's okay, I guess
14%
 14% [ 1 ]
I don't really like it.
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Moon, this is a fail.
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 7
 

AuthorMessage
moon
Elite Writer


Posts : 5582
Join date : 2011-02-16
Age : 18
Location : under the stairs

PostSubject: Tell me what you think!   Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:12 am

Okay, here's my story-idea-topic-thing! I'll list off the characters, some information about them, and then start my story!
CHARACTERS
1.Payton - Daughter of Poseidon. Payton is 15 and currently going to Four Corners Academy. That's a place similar to Camp Half Blood, but has four different sections where the demigods exceed. The sections are, the Arts, Technology, Sword-fighting, and Academics. Payton belongs to the Sword-fighting group. She has dark brown hair that is often held back in a ponytail. Her eyes are blue, and change depending on her mood.
2.Nick - Son of Athena. Nick's fatal flaw is deadly pride, for a reason. He thinks he can do anything and everything, for that matter. He is in the Academics section, but could be in all of them if he really wanted to be. Nick has blonde hair, and gray eyes. He is a friend of Payton's.
3.Jaz - Daughter of Aphrodite. Jaz is a pretty girl. She makes friends quick, but doesn't nothing else really. She is nice when she wants to be, which sometimes always happens when she is by a boy... hm. Jaz has long red hair, that's usually in a braid of some sort. Her eyes are dark brown. She is a friend of Payton and Nick.
4.Chance - Son of Tyche. Chance, is, in a word... lucky. He has never really had any bad thing happen to him, and he's crazy cocky. He's one of the instructors at Four Corners. he is in charge of the Creativity section. Chance is a big artist, and has had some of his works in museums. He has blonde hair and green eyes, and isn't very professional.
5.Abigail - Daughter of Zeus. She's the "principal" at the school. She is only 20, or so, just like the other instructors. Abigail is really intimidating and a really good leader. She is also powerful, and makes kids know their place. She has black hair and stormy blue eyes.
6.Zalia - Daughter of Ares. She would attack anyone in a moment's notice. Zalia has black eyes, and hair. She is pretty big, and strong. Standing up, she towers over Payton. Her corner is the sword-fighting corner, for obvious reasons. Zalia is also a flirt, surprisingly. She can act sweet and innocent.
*Those are the main(ish) characters*
* CHAPTER ONE : THE FIGHT *
Payton held her sword as the gate was lifted, showing the entrance to the arena. Her hair was pinned back in a ponytail. Beads of sweat from the Summer's heat dotted her forehead. She was dressed in none other than full armor. Her sword, Victory, and her shield, Protector, stood proudly in her hands. Today was the big match between demigods, to see who would represent the weapons side in the Four Corners Games. One boy and girl was selected from each "corner" and put to a test in the woods. Once you got hit, you're out. Last one in wins. This year, Payton wanted to win, and get the pride of telling her father of her victory. "One step at a time..." she told herself.

As she stepped into the arena, the iron gate closing behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she watched her trainer, and half sister, fade into the shadows. Payton personally liked Abigail Strike. She was one tough cookie, but also long as you obeyed her, it was fine. She looked up in the stands as a girl was cheering her on. "Go Payton!" Jaz said, standing up and waving. "Woo! Payton! I believe in ya!" the daughter of Aphrodite said. Payton grinned and nodded. For Jaz... she would also win for Jaz.

Payton looked at the gate, opposite to her's. Out came Zalia, a daughter of Ares. Her armor was Spartan Style. "Ha! I'm up against Fish-girl!" Zalia said with a grin. Payton's blue eyes narrowed into a dark blue as she spoke. Then trumpets sounded and out came Chance, the Son of Tyche, an Arts director here. "Okay, remember to the point of your weapons, no killing." he said, before backing off. "And, BEGIN!" Chance said, with a wave of his hands.

Payton was ready and she watched Zalia charge. She knocked aside her axe with the slash of her sword. Rage burned in the Ares' girl's eyes. "AHH!" she said, charging again. Payton blocked it with her shield, and stabbed with her sword. Zalia swashed it out of her way and pushed her with a quick punch. "Ugh!" she said, jumping up and swiping at her stomach area. then pointing upwards, at point. Chance blew a whistle, signaling the end of the match. "We have a winner, Payton Morris!" he said with a grin. Zalia threw her axe down in protest, then stormed out of the arena. "Woo! Yeah Payton!" Jaz said,breaking the silence, then it burst into applause.
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moon
Elite Writer


Posts : 5582
Join date : 2011-02-16
Age : 18
Location : under the stairs

PostSubject: Re: Tell me what you think!   Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:55 pm

That's the first chapter.
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➴ Katniss Everdeen
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Posts : 3533
Join date : 2011-07-23
Age : 17
Location : The Hunger Games Arena

PostSubject: Re: Tell me what you think!   Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:21 am

Sorry, but constructive critisism, Chances color is red, but in Chapter 1, u made it blue, which is Nicks color. But other than that, I like it TONS!
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PostSubject: Re: Tell me what you think!   Today at 9:44 pm

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