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Camp Half Blood is the sister site of Camp Jupiter.

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 Allan Navarro

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Allan Navarro



Posts : 4
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 22
Location : Camp Half Blood, duh.

PostSubject: Allan Navarro   Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:24 pm

Name: Allan Navarro
Age/Birthday: January 21, 1997; 14
Gender: Male
God Parent: Athena
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family: James Navarro
Years in Camp: 1
Brief History: Allan was born in Madison, WI. He grew up normally and had intentions to eventually go to UW-Madison to be a chem major. That is, until his mother revealed herself to him and gave him the dagger he used to make his way to Camp Half Blood.
Physical Appearance: Allan has long, blonde hair and blue eyes. He is thin and 5'11''.
Personality:
Fatal Flaw: Over confidence.
Pets: None.
Talents: Unknown.
Weapons: A dagger he calls "Sliver." A short sword, unnamed.
Year-Round or Summer: Year-Round
Other: OCC: Veteran RP'er of 5 years.
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Allan Navarro



Posts : 4
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 22
Location : Camp Half Blood, duh.

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:18 pm

Is it that bad that after a week I still haven't gotten a "Hey, this sucks, improve it"? Seriously, I know this isn't that great, I was kinda rushed, but a little feedback would be nice.
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Luck



Posts : 53
Join date : 2012-01-24
Age : 19
Location : Iwakuni, Japan

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:58 pm

Hello Allan, I am not a Mod or Admin, But I do believe that I can make a few suggestions:

-Add More to your Brief History, It Needs to be at least 4 Sentences, but More is better.
- You need more and better sentences for your appearance.
-Sentences shouldn't be 4 or 5 word sentences, I would suggest at least 7 or more word's a sentence.
-You need to do your personality, make sure it is something that you want to Rp as, not something you will get tired of after a few days.
-Elaborate on your fatal flaw with one or two good sentences would help
-You should not put unknown for talents, everyone has talents, so pick a few and put them in, but do not over do it with like 1000 talents
-You don't have to but elaborate more on your weapons, it will generally make it easier to use of you have a more accurate description of the blades and other weapons you use

Well I hope these suggestions will help you get your character made :)
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cher
Experienced Poster


Posts : 2313
Join date : 2011-09-19
Age : 16
Location : I have no idea. I just woke up here, dude.

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:03 pm

First of all, you may wanna read the rules and stuff before posting. Second of all, I hope that you could add more to your character sheets because when you start roleplaying, you're going to need ideas, and essentially, this character sheet is going to be your inspiration. If you don't have any idea how to post, you can always consult your character sheet.

Second of all, please be literate. Even if you've been roleplaying for 5 years, it doesn't give you an excuse to be illiterate or lazy. I understand other sites may not have any rules about this, but it's not that easy for someone to reply to something illiterate. Trust me, I know.

A 'brief history' isn't about what your character wants, it's about your character's past experinces and stuff. If you were to add something about his\her intentions, then you should make another 'category' with 'Dreams and Ambitions' or something along the lines of that.

Remember, your character has been living for 14 years, something's bound to happen. Was your character bullied? Was he the popular kid? Did his father date someone else? How did Athena reveal herself to him? Elaborate on what you;re posting and you'll be good to go.

This is contructive criticism, and if you can't take a piece of advice, then you shouldn't be asking for it.
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Crispy Bacon
THE YODELMEISTER'S APPRENTICE


Posts : 1616
Join date : 2011-07-22
Age : 18
Location : 1800 got junk

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Sat Feb 04, 2012 11:06 am

Very sorry about the delay in response!

Please consider what the two before me have said and I'll come by later to check out the chances and hopefully accept your character! :]
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Allan Navarro



Posts : 4
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 22
Location : Camp Half Blood, duh.

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Sat Feb 04, 2012 11:49 pm

Is it weird that I JUST noticed that the version of this that I copypasta'd out of notepad wasn't the final version. I apologize for the inconvenience and the rudeness of my comment.
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Allan Navarro



Posts : 4
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 22
Location : Camp Half Blood, duh.

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Sat Feb 04, 2012 11:50 pm

Revised:
Name: Allan Navarro
Age/Birthday: January 21, 1996; 15
Gender: Male
God Parent: Athena
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family: James Navarro, a nuclear physicst who teaches at UW-Madison.
Years in Camp: 1
Brief History: Allan was born in Madison, WI. He grew up normally and quietly excelled at school. Allan had intentions to eventually go to UW-Madison to be a chem major.
That is, until his mother revealed herself to him and gave him the dagger that he used to make his way to Camp Half Blood. He spent his first year at Camp learning the basics and coming to love his new home.
Physical Appearance: Allan has long, blonde hair and blue eyes. He is thin and 5'11''. His long, lenghthy arms make him well suited to swordsmanship, which he has begun to excell at at camp. His looks are about average; not ugly, but nothing special.
Personality: Allan's personality is a bit of an enigma. When faced with a problem on paper or in reality, he can solve it by himself with confidence. When dealing with people, however, he finds himself shrinking away, letting others do the talking. He may muster the courage to speak, but it's rare.
Fatal Flaw: Over confidence alone, timidness with others.
Pets: None.
Talents: A developing skill with swords, and a vast scientific knowledge.
Weapons: "Sliver" -The dagger given to him by his mother. The dagger itself has no special properties, besides being made of Celestial Bronze. It was formed from an acient weapon that was used in the First Titan War and splintered into small shards that were used to make two daggers.
A short sword of Celestial Bronze, unnamed.
Year-Round or Summer: Year-Round
Other: OCC: Veteran RP'er of 5 years.
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Banana
Moderator


Posts : 3497
Join date : 2010-12-28
Age : 19
Location : In your closet.

PostSubject: Re: Allan Navarro   Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:23 am

Accepted! Have fun rping!
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