Oh joy....

Yay, my first rant/yelling feast/complaining thingy xD. Okay so anyway, here is the smallest glimpse ever on my life. (This should be fun)

Okay, so at school I have these bunch if girl friends that I practically do everything for them. I let them copy my homework, give them my study sheets, text the homework if they don't have it, and blah blah blah. I could go on forever. Then these girls have the odsasidicy to not even say a thank you or just something! I'm just like, really? Wait, it gets only better. I have been bullied since kindergarten. Maybe it's because I've been with the same class since kindergarten. I have been called every name out there. Ugly esspically. Then, I lost my best friend a few years ago and I'm about to loose my other best friend. I'm just like... Grrrrrrrrr. Then, my mom yells at me for getting a 98 on a Spanish test! She was like, "What happened to the two other points Isabella?" I was just like ,really? I just wanna disappear 'cause it would seem that no would care if I was gone. Now I wanna punch my pillow pet. xD yus I have a pillow pet. DONT JUDGE MEH xD.

I'll start by saying this: Never think that no one would care if you were gone. I don't mean this to be rude or anything, but I've thought this heaps of times, and it's never done me any good. I noticed that it lowered my self-esteem, and in the end, I was reduced to this shy, quivering mess that I'm only just putting back together.

Now, onto the head of the issue. I've never been bullied (unless you count the friendly teasing :>), but other than that and what your mum said about the Spanish test, this story sounds pretty familiar. I'm quite smart, and because of this, I've found my homework being copied, my notes being stolen and only returned the day before a test, and a whole bunch of stuff. I very rarely get a thank you.

The way I see it, this could be because of two things: either your friends don't have very good manners, or you are being used. Although I rarely get a thank you, I never said I never got thank yous. Sometimes it's hard to remember why you're friends with these people, but it'll come back to you in the best of moments (for example, in my case, when my friends threw me the most wonderful at-school surprise party). This was how I knew that it was the first option (that they didn't have very good manners). I don't hold it against them, because I know they do genuinely care for me.

If it's the second option, you'll know because they never do things for you. Ever. Never ever. This doesn't count lending you a pencil or anything. I'm talking about saying thank you, saying how good a friend you are, referring to you as their friend at all, inviting you to things, not holding it against you if you can't make it, etc. If this is the case, try and get rid of them as soon as possible. These aren't the types of girls you want to be hanging around with for the rest of your life. They'll beat you down until you feel like you aren't worthy, and it'll be hard to pick up the pieces again. It's easier said than done, but it'll be worth it when, one day in your life when you are confident, content and happy, you'll thank yourself for not letting yourself get brought down by these girls. The feeling is wonderful.

About your mother. I have never had to deal with this issue personally (my parents are pretty understanding, and I usually get quite good marks so it's not an issue), but one of my close friends is exactly the same. She strives to be absolutely perfect in everything, because her parents have high expectations and are strict. Once, she arrived at school in tears. She told me her father yelled at her because she dropped a spoon at breakfast.

I might be naive, but I think that your mum could be like that for one of two reasons (just like above): either she loves you very much and just wants you to reach your fullest potential or she is envious of your intellect. If you mother was great at school, I highly doubt it was the second option, but I could be wrong. It sounds extreme, but my mother has confessed to me that she sometimes feels resentful towards me because of my grades. I can forgive her for that because she's (mostly) a great mum the rest of the time.

If it's the first option, or if you suspect it's that one, talk to her, and she might tell you the exact same thing I did.

I'd write more, but I really need to go now. D: Good luck with your problems! <3

Thanks a lot Evadne Malfoy ♥! Your advice helped somewhat..xD But, it did help!

NEW RANT xD xD||||||||~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|||||||| :::::;;::::::

Okay, so I am not friends with my best friend anymore. (yay...) Now, we barley talk as it is so we should stopped being friends. I failed a science test that was about a microscope and didn't make Honnor Roll (most likelY) so I am feeling really down more than usual. sometimes I just wanna disappear. At night, I go outside even it's cold. im a polr bear so rawr xD I love the winter. I'm just feeling really down. maybe it's my best friend idk or care anymore. I haven't studied for any of my tests and got a C or D on them, but I really don't care anymore. What's the point of doing well in school if there is someone who is going to always do better thean me. In E.L.A, we had to write poems. Ilove writing. Then this one girl reads her poem and it's like BAMF about winter. The teacher was like, oh best poem yet as everyone clapped. I clapped but felt like crap inside. Then she did the sexy hair flip. I know, i'm jealous, not a good thing. But, i can't help it! I try my best in school bu always fall short. I feel like I suck in everything. I'm in advanced math and have a B. Then this one kid is just like, HA i got a higher grade then you Isabella! I just wanna..gggrrrr. Then, we had to vote for student concuil. I ran for president and lost. Then this one kid asked me, "How does it feel to loose, huh Isabella?" i was close to punching him after he keep asking me how it felt like to be a loser. Soory for the long rant..

I told my best friend I cut myself. I had to tell someone and I thought my best friend would be the best person to trust. I do trust my best friend. My beat friend's reaction wasn't what I expected. My nest friend sneered at me and spat, "I will never talk to you again." I now have no one to talk to about anything.

••••••NEW RANT••••••

I've been feeling so down lately. I failed two tests, science and religion (catholic school). I feel that U can never be good enough for anything. No matter how hard I try or work at something, there is always going to be someone better. I wish I could be just good in one thing. Also, Im going to be setting this thing up with my class about memories. Everytime I look for a good memory, I can only find bad ones. I remember being called ugly, retarded, stupid, talentless, and a whole loy of other words that aren't allowed to be said. I don't get bullied as much now, but I know they talk behind my back. Even my friends talk behind my back when Um right in front of them. Then, everyday, I have to carry baskets for the smaller kids for their lunchboxes because there are so many of them. This girl madee do it by myself in the pouring rain. She told me she didn't wanna mess up her hair. Give me a break. I barley talk to my brother anymore. My older sister...barley talk to her too. I dint even talk to my parents anymore. My best friend, I don't have a best friend anymore. My best friend animate me when I needed him the most. I thought bestfriends always stuck with each other no matter what. Guess I just proved that theory wrong. My friends use me and don't even say anything or help me. I did an experiment at recess to see if anyone would notice if I was gone. I stayed in the bathroom during my recess time (I go to a weird middle school...don't ask). No one noticed I was gone. No one cares about me and no one would notice if I disappeared off the face of the Earth. Honestly, I think they would be glad I was gone.