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 my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)

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Doctor Who
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Join date : 2011-06-16
Age : 22
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PostSubject: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:02 pm

lordofthedead's character
Half-Bloods
Name:Nathan Hammerling
Age/Birthday:16, September 10 1994
Gender:Male
God Parent: Hades
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family:mother passed on three years ago
Years in Camp: Just started a few days ago
Brief History:I have been fending off monsters for 5 years. I have been kicked out of 6 schools in the past 6 years
Physical Appearance: 5' 11" ,blues eyes, brown hair. Favourite colour black. Constantly listens to rock music. Slightly blends in to the shadows.
Personality: hyperactive boy with OCD Changes with my mood. If I get pissed eyes go darker and slowly start to shout or lob your head off it resets in the morning.(I get pressure headaches when the weather changes.) Annoying about nine times out of ten.
Fatal Flaw: Personal loyalty
Talents: Sword Play
Weapons: Sword, Spear,Machine Ggun
Year-Round or Summer: year round


Last edited by lordofthedead on Mon Jun 20, 2011 2:36 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:19 pm

I'm sorry lord, but you have to have 4 sentences for Brief History, Appearance, and Personality, plus a fatal flaw. Also, I don't know if you can have pet Minotaur.
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selene
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:29 pm

Okay, not to be critical, but this really isn't what we expect from a character. You should at least put a little but more effort into that. You should also try capitalizing a bit. This meets none of the criteria.
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:36 pm

Okay...let's see...where to begin.

1) You need to have at least four sentences for Brief History, Physical Appearance, and Personality:
2) This character, even at its little detail, is waaayyy too perfect. Destroyed troy single handed? Are you serious? No. That part has to go. And that part about slicing things into oblivion? No. I'm sorry, but even a son of Chaos himself would not have that ability.

I suggest looking at characters of current members to give yourself an idea of what your character should look like. Characters have to be well-rounded, in depth and unique. Try and pull from your own life. Base it on one of your friends or one of your family members you look up to. And feel free to PM any of the staff or members here for help.
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selene
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:38 pm

Also, he couldn't have killed the gorgon's sister.
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Dantesonofhades



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Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:30 am

Lord just to explain since it looks like your question might have gotten over looked

Fatal Flaw is like Nico holding a grudge it will bring him down and percy with his loyality.
The fatal flaw will be something that is there personal trait that can be used agienst them. As a son of chaos your talents can refleact that if you need help feel free to PM me anytime or look at my first rpc Dante Shadow Son of Erebus to give ideas. With chaos look into his powers and chose a weapon that reflects that.

Explain in detail what your character is wearing what they look like etc. Personality is how he acts with people and just his attitude in general. like i said if you need help just feel free to PM me
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Sat Jun 18, 2011 1:40 am

You can not have a child of the Big Three. (aka Hades, Zeus or Poseidon) until you reach 500 posts and have been an active member of the site. You're going to have to change the godly parent.
Also, that history is extremely lacking. The history must be at least four complete sentences.
Furthermore, the physical appearance isn't very detailed. While you have four sentences, they're not very in depth or detailed. Might I suggest finding a picture to help you describe what your character looks like?
The personality has four sentences...but again this character is not very deep at the moment. Try expanding on his personality and fatal flaw a bit more.
And also, we don't have mechanical weapons at camp. So no guns, sorry.

If you need help developing your character, feel free to PM any of the staff. I'm sure we'd all be willing to help you.
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selene
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:03 am

You should also try using complete sentences.
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 3:25 pm

hey i tried
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 3:28 pm

We know, and we're very sorry that you have to change your character, but we would love for you to stay. Just edit your character, and we'll accept him!
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:03 pm

lordofthedead's character
Half-Bloods
Name:Nathan Hammerling
Age/Birthday:16, September 10 1994
Gender:Male
God Parent: Hades
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family:mother passed on three years ago
Years in Camp: Just started a few days ago
Brief History:I have been fending off monsters for 5 years. I have been kicked out of 6 schools in the past 6 years
Physical Appearance:he is about 5' 11" with blues eyes and brown hair. His favourite colour black. He is constantly listens to rock music also Slightly blends in to the shadows.
Personality: He is a very hyperactive boy with OCD. His temper changes with my mood. If he gets pissed eyes go darker and slowly start to shout or lob your head off it resets in the morning.(he gets pressure headaches when the weather changes.) Annoying about nine times out of ten.
Fatal Flaw: Personal loyalty
Talents: Sword Play and raising the dead
Weapons: Sword, Spear,Machine Ggun
Year-Round or Summer: year round
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:10 pm

Lordofthedead, as I stated before, you can not have a child of Hades or any of the other Big Three (Zeus, Poseidon, Hades) until you have reached 500 posts and have become an active member of the forum. Because o that, you will have to get rid of the talent "raising the dead".
Also, we don't really allowed mechanical weapons here. So you will have to remove the machine gun. And finally, he needs at least two more sentences on his Brief history.
Thank you for editing so that it was complete sentences, though. We appreciate it.
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Doctor Who
The Time Travelling Detective


Posts : 901
Join date : 2011-06-16
Age : 22
Location : Somewhere... maybe in your Oreo jar

PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:11 pm

lordofthedead's character
Half-Bloods
Name:Nathan Hammerling
Age/Birthday:16, September 10 1994
Gender:Male
God Parent: Ares
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family:mother passed on three years ago
Years in Camp: Just started a few days ago
Brief History:I have been fending off monsters for 5 years. I have been kicked out of 6 schools in the past 6 years
Physical Appearance: 5' 11" ,blues eyes, brown hair. Favourite colour black. Constantly listens to rock music. Slightly blends in to the shadows.
Personality: hyperactive boy with OCD Changes with my mood. If I get pissed eyes go darker and slowly start to shout or lob your head off it resets in the morning.(I get pressure headaches when the weather changes.) Annoying about nine times out of ten.
Fatal Flaw: Personal loyalty
Talents: Sword Play
Weapons: Sword, Spear,Machine Ggun
Year-Round or Summer: year round
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:13 pm

Lordofthedead, I'm sorry to keep nitpicking at you, but you only changed his godly parent and got rid of his raising the dead power. Thank you for doing that, but you still need to add two more sentences to his history as well as removing his machine gun as a weapon. After that, I promise you, you'll be done and you can begin roleplaying.
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Doctor Who
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Age : 22
Location : Somewhere... maybe in your Oreo jar

PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:28 pm

lordofthedead's character
Name:Nathan Hammerling
[strike]Age/Birthday:16, September 10 1994
Gender:Male God Parent:
Ares Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family:mother passed on three years ago
Years in Camp: Just started a few days ago
Brief History:I have been fending off monsters for 5 years. I have been kicked out of 6 schools in the past 6 years. I have mostly been living in sewers and eating what ever i can find. found a boarding school in northern toronto that hasnt kicked me out *thank you*
Physical Appearance: 5' 11" ,blues eyes, brown hair. Favourite colour black. Constantly listens to rock music. Slightly blends in to the shadows.
Personality: hyperactive boy with OCD Changes with my mood. If I get pissed eyes go darker and slowly start to shout or lob your head off it resets in the morning.(I get pressure headaches when the weather changes.) Annoying about nine times out of ten. Fatal Flaw: Personal loyalty
Talents: Sword Play
Weapons: Sword, Spear
Year-Round or Summer: year round
[/strike] DEAD


Last edited by Doctor Who on Fri Mar 16, 2012 3:20 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : strike hates me)
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:30 pm

Thank you for editing! Accepted!
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:34 pm

lordofthedeads new Half-Blood
Name: Axl Rose
Age/Birthday:18 june 14th 1971
Gender:Males
God Parent: Hepheastus
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family: descaesed
Years in Camp:4
Brief History: Axl was born to a teen mother (daughter of nemisis)she died only a few years later. Just a few years after her passing he got stuck in lotus casino for what felt like only a few days. He was dragged out for stealing from the bellboy. He was fostered though the goverment but ran away after physical abuse form his foster father.
Physical Appearance: Axl has ADHD and dislexia. He is 5 foot 9 with green eyes and black hair.
Personality:Axl has a split presonality (like janus the god of doorways beginnings ends ect.)He can be a nice as the Aphrodite kids or as cruel as Ares. If he is thrown in to an argument he will try to see it at both ends.He can fix anything thrown at him(not literaly.)
Fatal Flaw:personal loyalty
Pets:none
Talents:fixing machines and weapons. He can also summon fire
Weapons: double bladed fire axe and a magic tool belt
Year-Round or Summer: year round


Last edited by Doctor Who on Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:37 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:46 pm

Physical Appearance: Needs 3 more sentences. Having ADHD and dyslexia doesn't have anything to do with the way he looks.
Weapons: He should not have a magic tool belt. That was Leo's special weapon, and as special as Backbiter, Luke's sword. I'm sorry. If someone else says it's okay, than I'll allow it, but I don't think he should have one.
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:14 pm

lordofthedeads new Half-Blood
Name: Axl Rose
Age/Birthday:18 june 14th 1971
Gender:Males
God Parent: Hepheastus
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family: descaesed
Years in Camp:4
Brief History: Axl was born to a teen mother (daughter of nemisis)she died only a few years later. Just a few years after her passing he got stuck in lotus casino for what felt like only a few days. He was dragged out for stealing from the bellboy. He was fostered though the goverment but ran away after physical abuse form his foster father.
Physical Appearance: Axl has ADHD and dislexia. He is 5 foot 9 with green eyes and black hair and thin to the point of scrawny. He badly calusted hands from working on cars and in the forges.He has a long thin scar on his right hand from a slice of steel he was using for sheetmetal working.
Personality:Axl has a split presonality (like janus the god of doorways beginnings ends ect.)He can be a nice as the Aphrodite kids or as cruel as Ares. If he is thrown in to an argument he will try to see it at both ends.He can fix anything thrown at him(not literaly.)
Fatal Flaw:personal loyalty
Pets:none
Talents:fixing machines and weapons. He can also summon fire
Weapons: double bladed fire axe that turns in to a blackberry (press center button three times to use it)
Year-Round or Summer: year round
Other: Axl Rose FTW


Last edited by Doctor Who on Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:07 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : He will be edited for a future date which is TBA)
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:17 pm

Thank you! Accepted!
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:26 pm

thanks
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:28 pm

You're welcome!
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:24 pm

Lordofthedeads new Half-Blood
Name: Jack Frost
Age/Birthday:18 june 19th 1993
Gender:Male
God Parent: khione
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family:father in hospitail fighting liver cancer
Years in Camp:2.5
Brief History:Jack spent most of his time as a child up in montreal and after his 12th birthday his father was diagnoised with liver cancer. Jack having adhd and dislexia was kicked out of multiple schools. he spent a lot of his time with his inuit grandparents from his very abusive step mother and half brother Charlie. Jack is listening to hard rock most of the time.
Physical Appearance: Jack has icy blue eyes and blonde hair. He is a 6 feet tall. He mostly wears white shirts and black jeans. a scar on his face going from his left eyebrow to the tip of his right lip cruving around his facefrom his step mother.
Personality:Jack is a silent guy and talks with a very heavy French accent. He is as cold and a gentle as the north wind. he does not get along with any one using fire. (sorry hepheastus) He takes any one who allies them selves with him very seriously. He can be a stubborn guy but is open for oppertunitys to get better.
Fatal Flaw:hubris
Pets:none
Talents:leaves frost on the ground behind himwhne he walks.
Weapons:bronze sword & Ice daggers that never melt and freeze people on contact (gift from his mother)
Year-Round or Summer: year round
Other:
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Nico
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jul 04, 2011 5:13 pm

Accepted! But would you take away that his weapon was a GDR from Khione?
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Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: my edited character (for the last time ..... Hopefully)   Mon Jul 04, 2011 5:15 pm

Lordofthedeads new Half-Blood
Name: Jack Frost
Age/Birthday:18 june 19th 1993
Gender:Male
God Parent: khione
Claimed: Yes
Mortal Family:father in hospitail fighting liver cancer
Years in Camp:2.5
Brief History:Jack spent most of his time as a child up in montreal and after his 12th birthday his father was diagnoised with liver cancer. Jack having adhd and dislexia was kicked out of multiple schools. he spent a lot of his time with his inuit grandparents from his very abusive step mother and half brother Charlie. Jack is listening to hard rock most of the time.
Physical Appearance: Jack has icy blue eyes and blonde hair. He is a 6 feet tall. He mostly wears white shirts and black jeans. a scar on his face going from his left eyebrow to the tip of his right lip cruving around his facefrom his step mother.
Personality:Jack is a silent guy and talks with a very heavy French accent. He is as cold and a gentle as the north wind. he does not get along with any one using fire. (sorry hepheastus) He takes any one who allies them selves with him very seriously. He can be a stubborn guy but is open for oppertunitys to get better.
Fatal Flaw:hubris
Pets:none
Talents:leaves frost on the ground behind himwhne he walks.
Weapons:bronze sword & Ice daggers that never melt and freeze people on contact
Year-Round or Summer: year round
Other:
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