"I fake it oh so well.... all I really need is to breathe." [private;rempykins]

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A N N A L E A H [anna] A S H W O O D

"you know, I fake it oh so well, that God himself can't tell"

Anna pushes her food around with a plastic spork and knife, sitting alone. She's 105 pounds. She went on a midnight binge a night ago, storing the extra calories as fat. She didn't purge though; she can't bring herself to stick those two fingers down her throat to force herself to become sick. She stabs a piece of macaroni with the spork and hovers the food a millimeter from her lips, afraid of the fattening consequences. She breathes and finally brings the fatty cheese to her mouth in regretful silence. Annaleah feels the hunger pangs fill with satisfaction, yet soon turn her thoughts to disgust.

"what I mean and why my words are, less than parallel."

Elix wasn't eating. He didn't feel the need. The food here wasn't what made his mouth water, no. It was the eye-candy that was spread out among the Mess Hall. His lust for attention was what had made him stand, and walk nonchalantly around the cafeteria. Just sitting there wasn't enough the boy. He needed to act upon his desire. Passing one of the tables, he spotted a girl who had caught his eye. She wasn't eating much, but she did try, he saw. She looked at the food as if it had killed her family. Tracing the girl's thin figure, he knew that she must have had some kind of eating disorder. She was thin, more than most of the girls at camp, and didn't eat much. The boy ran through the list had made in his mind, one which seemed nearly endless, of pick-up lines. Moving in for the kill, he slid into a seat across from her, a charming smirk planted on his lips.

"Hey baby, I know a good way for you to burn the calories in the pasta you just ate."

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Her jaw drops at his terribly lame and cheesy pick-up line, "That was horrid." she speaks softly, almost choking on her food from yet can't help, but laugh at the line. She joins in (mocking him, don't get her wrong), "Did you just fart?" Anna raises her left brow, lowering her voice, "Because that totally blew me away." her sarcasm reaches full capacity. She doesn't 'flirt.' She doesn't say excruciatingly painful pick-up lines.... because, well, it's just not her. She's too timid (not to mention easily embarrassed). She drops her spork and stares at him, confused. Why her? Why not try to fit one of the Aphrodite girls in his pants? Anna's fat. Anna's too quiet. Anna's Anna.

"You could have just said that you weren't interested," he says, raising an eyebrow and hearing the obvious sarcasm in her voice. "Now you've broken my heart." Putting a hand over his chest, he frowns in artificial sadness. Despite this, he can't help it as a small smile pulls at his lips. "Anyway," the boy begins, his face returning to average, a smirk once again forming to his lips. "I'm Elix."

He was used to the feeling of rejection. It had slapped him in the face many times, heck, women had slapped him in the face many times. It did always hurt him slightly inside. He had tried to be nice before. Respectable, trustworthy, honorable, etc. It just wasn't in him though. Elix just couldn't do it.

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She shrugs, "Aww, you poor baby." she rolls her eyes, pursing her lips as she continues to mock him gently. She nods as he introduces himself, "I'm Anna." she responds and tilts her head at him, squinting her eyes at him.

"I like you. Let's be friends." a chuckle escapes from her mouth, like a soft hiccup, covering her lips with her palm. She remembers kindergarten, being friends with people was so much easier. Now, just now, it's harder, only harder [[Remp, you dare make fun of my use of 'harder']]. If you're friends with a guy, people suspect you like them or you 'look good' together (even if you're just talking, friends or not). If you're friends with a girl, you're suspected to be forever alone with no boyfriend or a lesbian (from a girl's point of view).

"Remember those kindergarten days?" her glassy eyes shine with nostalgia. "You could walk up to anyone, become friends, all with no judgment...."

Elix laughs, and shakes his head. "No, not really." He looks away, thinking to himself. "I've always been like this. Judging, acting upon my judgments, and all that." Biting his lip now, he sighed. "You must think that I'm pitiful," He added, and looks back at her. His mouth opened once again as he laughed, though it ended in a sigh. It was, he thinks, always like that. He couldn't not judge people.

"I have tried to be...nonjudgmental?" He says, his last word being more a question. "It's impossible though. I just can't do it."

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"No," she shakes her head, laughing, "I mean, not worrying about their judgment of you." she further explains herself. "But thanks for telling me the truth," Annaleah smiles, "that you're the judgmental one."

Anna twirls a lock of her blonde hair, subconsciously twisting and knotting it until it's a mess of tangles, "I have what's the word? Oh, lethologica." she informs Elix, "When you forget the word you want to say." she defines the word, with a loss of conversation topics, "I've never held a conversation this long." she blinks in realization. Except with Mickey, but Mickey? They are two peas in a pod. Every little thing about Mickey and Anna is tied together. She cocks [[oh, don't you love how I chose not to use 'tilts,' you perv?]] her head to the right, her preferred side, "Maybe you're different. Maybe you're, oh, I don't know, special?"

She bounces out of her seat, springing with an idea, "Are you the video-game type? I would sure love to beat someone in Halo right now." Anna's weak smile forms into a devilish smirk.

Looking around, he thinks about the girls earlier statement. "I mean, not worrying about their judgment of you." Oblivious to the girl, he knew, this would tie into his answer now. This was because Elix had a dark past. One that he would consider now to be that of an axe-murderer. He had been obsessed with video games.

He loved the rush of head-shots when he played first person shooters. The exhilarating feeling he got while trading with others on MMORPG's. The controller had been like a third hand to him. But that all changed when his family moved away from his previous hometown, Colorado. By the time they had arrived in New York, Elix had given games up all together.

This is why he just shakes his head now, and replies with a simple, "No." The sincerity of his answer, which was non-existent, shows in his eyes though. He desires the feel of his fingers mashing on buttons, and the thrill of winning once again. He needs it. No, he tells himself. I can't revert back to a life of anti-society. Despite his efforts to convince himself, he still scratches the back of his head, and tries to figure out whether the girl knew he was lying or not.

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She watches his eyes, in confusion, "You look like trying to tell me you're Jack the Ripper." Anna searches his eyes, almost wanting to pry open his eyes with a pair of pliers. He looks lost in thought and worrisome. This confuses her (usually she's the lost one). Anna opens her mouth to say something, yet cannot find the words. She dumps her tray of food in the trash (it's cold, okay?). She walks back toward him and finally cures the lethologica, "Is something wrong? Was it something I said?"

Anna mastered the art of observation, yet something about him is unreadable, "I try to be honest with peop--" she shakes her head, "that's one hell of a lie--but I'm trying, are you?" she doesn't like it. One of the times she's completely honest or happy with a person, they always turn her down, or lie (except Mickey). What's wrong with her?

He looks around again, and steadies his eyes, looking at the girl. "I meant yeah. Yeah, I like video games." Elix glances at the people near him, his eyes full of worry. Had one of them heard him? Was it revealed? He scratches the back of his head, and looks at the table. Now, he knows, he would seem like both a liar and a flirt. It's not what he wants, no, but it was already done. Elix's own insecurities brought him to this, and he would be the one to pay. He doesn't care, though. He knows that it's happened before. It was just another lost friend.

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Annaleah steadies her gaze, "Are you purposely trying to confuse me?" she peers over his head, where he seems to be glancing towards. She breathes, goosebumps lining her arms, "We all have secrets. We just need to find the people who we can trust them with." she forces her lips upward, forming quite an awkward smile. "I don't care if you're 'hiding' or 'lying' about something, I just want a friend." Anna shrugs, blowing [[oh, hell, don't you dare xD]] a stray out of her vision as she purses her lips [['blowing' and 'pursing lips,' oh, damn, in the same sentence?]]. She taps her fingers on the nearest table, lost in space.

[[horridhorridhorridfillerspace.]]

Just a friend...? The thought was unheard of. Elix never had 'just a friend'. It was always one or the other. They either loved him or the hated him. But a friend...? He decided to put it all on the table. He had given up on winning affection. "I'm a raving lunatic, I'm obsessed with attention, I'm mentally unstable, I love video games, I've been slapped so many times that it doesn't even hurt anymore, and..." He racks his brain for anything else that needed to be put in the open. "That's it." He feels as if a weight had been lifted, like he had just told his life story to the girl. He knows that it makes him sound like a psycho, but he doesn't care. It had to be done.

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Anna grins, but her face falls as she realizes she must exchange her fair share of secrets, "I guess I should be completely honest. I've never been on a date nor kissed and I'll only give hell about my weight. The reason I rejected you and most guys is-- is," she stares at her small feet, "I'm in love with my best and only friend."

She turns away, choking back tears, "I'm anorexic and possibly confused." she breathes, lowering her voice as her desire to scream her brains out enlarges [[enlarges pen0res ooh stfu]]. Anna lifts herself onto the table, standing tall, above him and everyone. She kicks a tray of food and screams. Kicking and screaming. Screaming and crying. She wishes death upon everyone--pain as well. They should feel her pain.

She feels better. All better. She leaps off, landing lopsided [[lopsided boobies 8D lulwut]], on her ankle, laughing and causing a scene. "Just a good scream cures all pain." she laughs at herself aloud.

He watches as she tells her story. He flinches as she throws her fit. He stares as she jumps from the table. He doesn't criticize though, nor does he act like he had never met the girl before in his life. He just simply laughs. "Well then..." He begins, his voice ringing out in the silent Mess Hall. "I guess we're both pretty messed up, huh?" He doesn't say it to mock. He just said because he wanted to help. He just wanted to help a friend.

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She nods in agreement, refusing to say anything. She embarrasses herself easily, but she kind of deserves it. She pulls the 'stunt,' so, furthermore, she must take responsibility. Her eyes forcefully look downwards, not wanting to make eye contact and her cheeks redden a rosy pink. She lowers her voice to a gentle whisper, "Us screw-ups must stick together." Anna looks up, forming a crooked smile, just enough to break the awkward silence.

He just nods, his mind flickering from the scene before him to the mental argument he was having with himself. She's got a cute smile. No. She's got a pretty face. Shut up. She's got a lot of spunk. Just friends. He sighs, wanting to rip himself in two. The internal conflict continues, and soon it's all that he can think of. Part of just scoffs, and tells himself that he wants to judge people. He wants to criticize freely. He wants to be able to comment on girls, and laugh about his superiority. It's a win/win, he says mentally. But no. He continues fighting himself. He wants to accept. He wants to be a better Elix. The unfortunate thing is that, by the time he could finish thinking about all this, he was passed out, his face on the table and his mind elsewhere.

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"Mickey." she utters under her breath, "She more, per se, is slightly confused about her sexuality. I just don't want to hurt her." she finally breathes in, folding her arms across her breastbone. This guy was confusing her and making her question everything she had possibly known about herself. Her smile creeps skywards, as if she were 'trolling' on a forum, "You're not just making me question my sexuality because you want to find your way inside--" Anna interrupts herself with an extreme burst of laughter, "I can't finish that sentence." she grasps hold of her stomach, almost in pain from the outburst.

Laughter was what brought the boy out of his dark prison. "Hm...?" His voice rings out, a small drowsy smile plastered on his lips. Elix knew that he couldn't have been out for very long, no. Probably only a few minutes. Still, a stress black-out was just what he had needed, and to him it had felt like he had been sleeping for a few hours. "What...happened?" He finally asks, his mind trying to register the whole dilemma that had occurred.

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Anna nods, secretly wishing a death upon this devil child, "Nothing. Nothing happened." she forced a smile. Except, maybe, confessing every possible secret of hers. she couldn't possibly be angry at him, but more laughter seeps out of her system at his black-out. "Don't mind me, I just confessed all my secrets that would rather not be worth repeating." it sounds so funny to her. It seems like one big prank. He wonders if he really did hear her 'life story.'

That's quite the embarrassment for Anna today.

Elix blinks a few times, thinking about what she had just said. "No, no, I heard all that, really..." He tries to give her a reassuring grin, but instead it ends up looking like a sleazy smirk. "Really..." He says again, his voice clouded with fatigue. "I just had a little..." He waves what he just said away. "Never mind." He wasn't sure what had happened, really. Looking at the girl, he tries to see through her facade. Stop laughing, he tells her mentally, as if giving a command. I screwed up, that's nothing to laugh about.

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She tries to stop the sudden chuckles, yet hiccups in the process. Her face falls, "You did?" that's even more embarrassing than she thought (pouring your life story out to a person you had only met seconds ago). Anna listens to him (for once), "This conversation," she air quotes, "has been one of the most mind-boggling things I've ever encountered in my life."

[[sorry for leaving. Mother did not think I should be up. O.O So here's to a crap-filled post.]]

The boy sighs. What should he say? It's not as if he thinks she's fine with it. She regrets it, he tells himself. She regrets it all. "Agreed," he says, trying to break the unease. He wishes that they could just....start over, with everything. He wouldn't have said that horrible pick-up line, she wouldn't have freaked out. Why couldn't they? "Why can't we just...restart all this?" He asks, voicing his thoughts. Elix just runs his hand through his hair, thinking. His answer though, unbeknownst to him, was obvious. People didn't get second chances. Life was a one-shot thing. It wasn't Pac Man.