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 Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai

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a. hams
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PostSubject: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:03 pm



nikolai owen winchester

The sound of various types of birds chirping in the crisp, bright, innocent morning air could be heard from inside the infirmary. Nikolai drowsily lifted his head, annoyed by all the noise they were making, He looked at the wide window that was open. Maybe that was the reason why it was so cold in here, Nik was pretty sure he could see his own breath, or that could have been his mind playing games, he didn't get very much sleep last night. Nik didn't have the strength or will or energy to get up and close the window, so there he laid, just alone with his thoughts and memories. Which, depending how you looked at it, wasn't all that bad. If Nik didn't think about certain things, he'd be fine. He would try really hard not to stray from the happy road and slink into deep, dark depression. Normal Nik didn't want to meet Monster Nik. They hadn't seen each other for a couple days, and Nikolai really wanted to spin those days into a web of years.

The sunlight streamed in through the cold-bearing window, lighting up the blonde hair of Livia Malcolm. Nik looked at her and half smiled, partly to himself, and partly to her, even though she couldn't see it. Oh yes, Livia. The reason for his late night insomnia for which he would greatly pay for later in the form of passing out on the rockwall that spewed lava and held hidden traps that changed daily. Of course, Nik wouldn't even think of venturing into the arena or rockwall. He didn't mind that he had to stay up for Liv, she needed him more than ever last night and it payed off in the end in the form of 'I love you'. Nikolai was still giddy from hearing those words issue from Liv's mouth. He was very happy to be with her, even if it meant a few lost hours of sleep. He could always regain them, and it was a small price to pay to see her happy and not scared. 

Nik peered at the clock, the lights still flashing red as it had at 1 a.m last night. It was about 7:30, and Nikolai groaned in pain as he sat up, trying his best not to disturb Liv. She needed all the sleep she could get, and Nik would feel bad if he woke her. He knew she suffered from some sort of PTSD, but then again, didn't all demigods at some point or other? He certainly did. Or he thought he was beginning to get the effects of it. The New Years Eve Battle had been extremely had on the young demigod boy, who couldn't fight and didn't have any demigod powers besides the dreaded ADHD and dyslexia. Nik was worried about himself for the first time in what seemed like years, and that scared him more than losing Liv. Nikolai wasn't allowed to worry about himself, he was allowed time and effort to make sure that he was perfect, inside and out. He ran his hand through his dark, almost black hair. It stuck up at every angle, and he tried to smooth it down, but without a brush and a gallon of hair gel, that feat was impossible. 

So there Nikolai Winchester sat, in the early morning light, sleep deprived but overall healthy. Well, as healthy as a recovering anorexia person could be. Nik had trouble even today eating, and he barely hit the 100 pound mark on the scale. It took months and months for him to even get to that point. He knew it was bad, but he couldn't help it. It was who he was. Being perfect had overtaken him, and if it wasn't for Liv and her need for him, well, Nik would be worse off than he was right now. He tried to fix himself, but it just wouldn't work. Nikolai tried oh gods how he had tried! But the fates were not on his side, it seemed. He peered out the window once again, as the sleep was expelled from his eyes. He probably look like a rabid raccoon. But someone was coming up the path to the infirmary. Someone Nikolai had seen before but never really talked too. Quell Malcolm, Livia's twin brother. Looking down at his bare, but bandaged chest, Nik panicked, and quickly scrambled up out of bed as fast as his toothpick skinny body could manage. Shit. Nik thought as he searched for his shirt in the drawers of his bedside table. It was just his luck they were stuck together. Shit shit shit.

 .:CODED BY SAPPHIRE, EDITED BY WICKED:.


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Thu Feb 13, 2014 11:23 pm



Livia,



Livia woke a little while after Nik, her hair spread across the bed, her face still pressed into his chest. It felt good, his smooth skin against her forehead. The sunlight streamed in, lighting up their faces and making Nik’s dark hair look lighter. He had nice hair, Liv realised. It was messy and stuck out at weird angles, but she didn’t really care. As she did every morning as she woke up, Liv swung her arms out. Because she was facing downward, she slung it over Nik’s smooth back. ”Sorry.” Liv muttered quickly, but she wasn’t actually that sorry. Liv would’ve been sorry had it hit Nik’s hurt stomach, but it didn’t. And there it went, the circle of bad thoughts in her head. Shaking her foot out nervously, Livia pressed her face into Nik’s chest, focusing on her breathing and Nik’s presence wrapped around her.

Liv tried to ignore the fact that she had been brought here by nightmares and practically cried her way to sleep. She ignored the stench of stale blood that came from the wound on Nik’s stomach, and the infirmary in general. It was just reminders of the war that they had come from. And that she had almost lost Nik.

Liv didn’t want to remember how she felt when she thought he was dead. It was the ZA all over again. But Nik was different. When she had killed Quell (Livia hated that word, it just reminded her she was a killer in the end), his body collapsed and Livia had no time to think. She needed to get out of there. And with Nik, the life drained out of him before her eyes. Livia did not know which ‘death’ she felt more responsible for. The only thing that could possibly make it worse was had they actually died. She would’ve felt responsible for the deaths of the two most important people in her life. Livia would’ve had no one. She shook slightly, and then listened to the birds chirping. She focused on the birds outside and the sun on her hair and on Nik’s. She focused on the steady breathing of those around her. Livia was used to sleeping in a room full of others and she listened to the heartbeat of Nik and their breathing. It was calming to Livia and probably saved her a panic attack.

And just when she was enjoying herself, Nik seemed to jump up. There was something wrong, Livia could tell by Nik’s tense body position, and the stomping of boots outside her window. How had Liv not noticed them before? And there was only one person who walked like that. Those strides belonged to her brother. Oh was Livia more screwed than she ever had been. She didn’t know what Quell was going to do, but judging by the murderous look on his face, he had seen them sleeping, their heads together. Livia was not scared of her brother, but she was scared for Nik. Both Malcolm twins had an uncontrollable angry streak, and messing with one’s twin was definitely a dangerous position to be in. ”Shit Nik shit.”








Quell,



There was something that made Quell nervous about the fact that Livia had not returned. He found her bed empty, and a panicked worry spread through him. There was something about the idea of a damaged Livia running around camp that scared Quell, and something about Livia spending the night anywhere near her boyfriend, Nikolai that scared him even more. Maybe it was something about letting his little sister grow up, or maybe it was about having a boy other than a relative or friend be close to Livia. Quell had always been the one to comfort Liv, he had always been her rock, and maybe something about Nik being able to comfort her so much angered Quell.

Or maybe he could just be happy for his sister, whom he had teased would be forever alone? Quell quickly ruled out that possibility. There was no way he was going to be happy that Liv was so close to a boy. Sure maybe holding hands was okay. But not sleeping in the same room, or kissing or any of that sort. No way.

Without realizing it, Quell had started to walk towards the infirmary, although it was more of a very fast, angry march. Boots had appeared on his feet, although Quell vaguely guessed that he had slipped into them while he was fuming. He was approaching the infirmary now, and he could vaguely make out bodies sleeping on single mattresses. And then Quell spotted something. Nikolai Winchester snuggled peacefully against Livia, playing with her hair as she slept pressed against his chest. Against his bare chest. Granted, it was wrapped in bandages, but Quell couldn’t see that.

A burst of anger swept through Quell. How dare he touch Liv? Well he had messed with the wrong family. Quell’s steps became quicker. Nikolai must’ve hear him coming, because he jumped up and tried to pull a tee shirt on. Livia jumped up too, alarmed and looking scared. They both did, but Quell was only mad at Nikolai. He turned to Liv, his expression softening. Quell didn’t need to say anything, but a quick and silent conversation, Liv relayed the information that she was fine. Quell turned to Nikolai. [color=darkblue]”You messed with the wrong twins Winchester.” He growled. ”What did you do to her?”

Before Livia could react, Quell grabbed Nik by the shoulders and pinned him against the wall. He was surprised by the lightness of the boy, but it was easy for Quell to pin him down.


"We don't decide who lives and dies. Not down here."


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Sat Feb 15, 2014 11:08 am



nikolai owen winchester

Nikolai Winchester was known for being peaceful. He loathed violence. It was the only thing that he hated more than Monster Nik, and that was saying something. Violence just made you cold and angry, it made children orphans and wives widowed. Violence almost always turned into war, which would then grow into bloodshed and possibly if it continued on long enough, genocide. Nik tried to be peaceful all the time, as he hated conflict. Maybe that was one of his problems when it came to being a demigod. He just didn't care about fighting. Of course, he would never admit that to anyone. Saying a demigod didn't enjoy the feeling of battle was like saying fish didn't need water to breathe. War was what filled his siblings lungs, but not his. Though, he wasn't entirely against fighting, if it was for right cause. But even being pinned down by your girlfriend's twin brother was not enough to make Nik snap and go crazy on Quell. He still felt the same way that he did moments before Quell had burst through the door. But possibly he was still half asleep and half in shock from being thrown against the wall. Nik just slammed his head against the wall, dissolving the sliver of anger he might have felt into the rough oak of the cabin. He closed his eyes, and waited. 

But what he was waiting for, Nikolai wasn't exactly sure. A punch, maybe? No, that never came. Nik knew that the Malcolm twins held a fiery streak within them, something he had witnessed with his own two eyes when Livia had protected him. But he didn't think that Quell would resort to punching him. At least, he hoped he wouldn't. Nik's skin was dry and brittle from the years of wear and tear he had put it through being anorexic. His epidermis wasn't a great buffer to stop blows to the face, and Quell's fist would surely break the skin and cause even further damaged to his already wreaked body. Nik heard Quell threaten him. He had been waiting for two venom filled sentences that hurt worse than any blow to the body. Nikolai couldn't exactly dodge hits to the mind. He could run from the bullies' punches, but not from their words. Quell wasn't a bully, but the metaphor was similar.

Being slammed against the wall sure hurt though. It was real, Nikolai could feel the pain resonating deep in his small, fragile bones. He was afraid that something might break. He was always made of glass, mind and body, even as a kid. It wasn't Nik's fault he was more sensitive than others, he was just born that way. He didn't blame anybody for who he was, it was by his own culpability that he was who he was present day. But he liked being sensitive, because he could better understand people. Like, for instance, he understood Quell. He was just protecting Livia, that was all. Nik didn't blame him in the slightest. The Winchester's had always protected each other, and Nik could see that same passion and desire in Quell's eyes. Even so, there was pain in his abdomen where the wound was. Nikolai felt warm blood rush up to the whiteness of the bandages, and he knew that Quell had reopened it, though it was probably accidental. He winced in pain, he'd been doing that a lot lately. Nikolai's pain tolerance wasn't very high. He missed laying in bed with Liv. Nik was all warm, though the tip of his nose was cold. He missed playing with her hair, and having her snuggled against his bandaged chest. It was perfect, in those few minutes before Quell had come bursting in.

"I didn't do anything to her, I swear." Said Nik, his voice a little strained. Quell had pinned him with great force, and it had knocked the wind out of him. Nik was just beginning to breathe correctly again. He could feel Quell's hands pressing into his thin shoulder blades, and he was afraid that they would break. His bones had always been thin, but on top of that, ever since he had started starving himself, the entire skin around his body had become thin and yellow and brittle. Not at all pretty. Nikolai didn't think he was pretty at all, though Liv thought he was perfect. He knew that he wasn't. He was too fat to be perfect. "Can you please let me go? It's kind of hard to breathe and I think my wound reopened." 

 .:CODED BY SAPPHIRE, EDITED BY WICKED:.


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Mon Feb 17, 2014 1:50 am



Quell,



Quell could hear his heart pounding in his chest. He clenched Nikolai’s shoulders tightly, trying to control his own anger. He touched Liv - he- he... Quell was almost shaking from anger. Quell could feel Nikolai’s thin shoulders beneath him. They felt brittle and the boy looked pale and unhealthy. Quell suddenly felt very sorry for Nikolai, and his grip relaxed slightly, so that he was not squeezing the circulation out of Nikolai. After all, he was just a boy... Quell’s sympathy was quickly cut out from him. After a long time as a soldier, Quell knew how to cut out his emotions. Livia was never as good at that as he was - calm and cool and collected, the only emotion Quell could not cut out was anger. That wasn’t surprising though. Both Malcolm twins were never able to cut out anger. Instead of feeling empty, Quell could only feel angry - and concerned for his sister. And maybe a little jealous too. And maybe Quell wasn’t so good at blocking out emotions. Just that pity had been replaced by stronger ones.

This Winchester boy had taken advantage of his sister. Quell forgot the possibility that Livia ran to Nikolai, asked for his comfort. All he could think of was Liv snuggled next to Nikolai’s chest, him playing with her hair And when you’re Quell - that was the worst thing you could possibly do. Livia was 15 (the same age as Quell, although he often forgot it). She shouldn’t even have a boyfriend, let alone be sleeping in the same bed as him.

When they were younger, Quell always relied on Livia to protect him. He was a little bit more passive, and although he would fight if he needed to, Quell often found his sister doing his job for him. But Quell was no longer a little boy - he had grown up. ”Don’t lie to me, pretty boy.” Quell tried to say something clever, but he didn’t really know what to say to portray his anger towards Nikolai. Releasing him, Quell drove his knuckles towards Nikolai’s face. They contracted, right beneath the small boy’s cheekbones and Quell pulled his hand away, noticing the traces of blood on the back of his hand. ”Nik!” A cry burst out from behind Quell and he soon regretted punching Nikolai. Except he didn’t really. That was the thing, Quell regretted the fact that he didn’t respect his sister’s wishes, not that he had punched Nikolai. That wasn’t the kind of thing that was regrettable.




Livia,



Livia stood in her pajamas, only half awake, as her brother marched in. She tried to rouse herself quickly - being a half blood meant you had to respond to danger in any scenario, and quickly too. But Liv hadn’t mastered that yet. Instead, she watched, rooted to the spot, as Quell grabbed Nik and pinned him to a wall. She was frustrated with her brother. He was only doing what he needed to do to protect her, but didn’t Livia’s choices mean anything? She had chosen Nik when she could have had any other boy because she loved him. She chose to get comfort from Nik when she could not get comfort from anyone else.

And then Quell raised his fist to Nik’s beautiful face. Livia knew that Quell had anger issues, as she did, and must have been swept away by an uncontrollable wave of anger towards the boy that had touched his little sister. That trait was so uncommon in Ravenclaws, so Liv had always found it odd in her normally calm twin. Even after a zombie infestation and the near-deaths of the two people she loved most, Liv still referenced Harry Potter on a regular basis.

Livia found it ironic, that after all these years, Quell was still taller than her, and could be mistaken for being older, even though Liv was pretty sure that she was the elder of the twins. But that did mean that he was much bigger than Nik. And that meant that Quell broke Nik’s skin when he punched him. Blood dripped down Nik’s face and Livia wanted to beat Quell into a pulp for hurting him. It didn’t matter that Quell was her twin brother, it didn’t matter that he was the only other person in the world she would kill and die for (and Faye, but Livia’s half-sister escaped her mind at that moment), Quell had hurt Nik and that wasn’t okay.

Finally unfreezing, Livia strode to Quell. Tearing him away from Nik, she brought her hand to Quell’s face, in the same place he had struck Nik. ”What. the. hell!?” Livia said loudly, except she didn’t say hell. She said a word that I would get in trouble for putting on a PG-13 forum, so I replaced it with hell. Livia’s anger rose, and she shoved her brother backwards.
-----
After he hit Nikolai, Quell found himself being shoved backwards. He stumbled, struggling to keep himself upright. His leg hurt like it never had before and Quell winced, almost crying out. Even after Liv punched him (Quell knew he had it coming, so he wasn’t mad at Livia), his leg still hurt more than that. And Livia punched hard, enough that Quell could already feel his face bruising. Again pushed backwards, Quell fell to the floor. Hard. The sound of his fall echoed in the nearly empty room and his neck slammed into the wooden floor. Still Quell could ignore that pain, but the burning in his leg could not stand it. Quell staggered up, leaning on the bed for support. He had walked without a limp all the way to the infirmary, but boy had he payed the price for that.


"We don't decide who lives and dies. Not down here."


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:53 am



nikolai owen winchester

Demigods weren't supposed to show fear. It wasn't in their genetics. They were supposed to be tough, rock solid, not showing a single emotion until all the monsters of the earth were vanquished and the gods were happy. If you were a demigod, there was no rest. You woke up, you ate, and then you trained all day, learning how to kill your foes as quickly as possible so you could move onto the next one. Nik wasn't supposed to show fear, but he did. Tremendous fear, and you could see it in his icy blue eyes, the fear pulsating like blood with every beat his heart made. There wasn't anything he could say to Quell to get him to back off, and if there was, he probably wouldn't have said it anyways. Nikolai was passive, you could use him as a doormat and he wouldn't complain. He wouldn't like it, but he would never say so. Bullies had always teased him, and Nik let them. He disgusted himself for not standing up and fighting them like a man would. But then again, Nikolai was proud that he hadn't stooped to their level. He wasn't going to stoop down to Quell's level, although these were entirely different circumstances. Quell was angry because he thought Nik had done something to Livia. The bullies just wanted to make fun of Nik for not being perfect. Quell's anger was understandable, and Nik did not blame him for crushing his shoulder blades. He deserved it. 

Nikolai admired Quell's audacity to barge into the infirmary like he had. Quell was a solider, something Nik himself had always wanted to be. Everyone he knew was a solider of some kind or other. Nikolai could never be a solider, it wasn't coded in his DNA like it was everybody else's here at camp. He was glad Livia was a solider as well, and maybe she could teach him to be strong in times of hardship. After all, Liv was his rock, the person who had unknowingly helped him through so much. Nik didn't ask for help from people. He didn't want to seem any more weak than he already was. Nik wished that he had that anger streak painted within him like Quell and Livia had. He just couldn't get angry at anyone but himself, and that caused problems. Sure, he could save people, but that didn't come from anger. It came from the need of protectiveness and the thought that everyone had a second chance. The circulation in his arms had gone slack, and the feeling of numbness became the norm from his shoulders down. Quell, thankfully, put less pressure on Nik's shoulders.

"I'm not lying." Nik said through gritted teeth, as pins and needles were running up and down his upper limbs, shocking him and making him feel uncomfortable. That was the truth. Nikolai Winchester never lied. If you asked him 'Does this dress make me look fat?' He would tell you the honest to god truth. Yes, it did. But Nik didn't think Quell would actually believe him. That was wishful thinking, and wishful thoughts were useless when cold, hard reality had long since lived in your brain and heart like lead. But maybe Quell had believed him, because he let go of his shoulders. Nik had started to walk back to Liv, to be in her arms because he knew she would protect him. He wasn't scared of Quell, but he couldn't defend himself. Nikolai, however, didn't even get to take a step before Quell punched him, square in the jaw. 

The world spun around him, and Nik fell, unable to stand from the immense pain he had felt. He faintly felt his skull collide with the corner of the bedside table, but his senses were already dimming. He was on the ground now, blinking lazily in the early morning sun as his vision blurred into coal colored blackness. He saw Livia shove and punch Quell. No, Livia. Don't resort to violence. Nikolai  wanted to say. But he couldn't form the words, he was too far gone. Nik could feel blood forming around his head where he had hit it.  He couldn't see anymore after Quell had fallen, there was just blackness.

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 .:CODED BY SAPPHIRE, EDITED BY WICKED:. 


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Thu Apr 03, 2014 11:06 am



Livia,



Nik was shaking and Livia wanted nothing more than to rush over and hold his head to her chest and wipe the tears from his eyes. But she didn't. She held her ground, like a good half blood. As if Livia was a good soldier. She was terrified. She had to train to be a fighter, but she didn't have to train to be scared. That came as a natural emotion. And as much as Livia was able to hide it most of the time, she was terrified underneath.

Everyone thought she and Quell were soldiers. Maybe it was just because they were trained to handle death, not to feel fear, but they were both so weak underneath. Like snails in a hard shell. Quell was a real soldier, quiet and passive as he was, he also was mature and responsible and made good decisions. That's why he was cabin leader. Quell was not exactly what Livia called soft spoken, but compared to her he always had been.

Livia could not help but feel that Nik had no clue what he was talking about. She was no rock, just a floating raft in the middle of a sea of bodies. Nik was somewhat of a rock in Liv's eyes. As weak as he could be, his warmth and calmness was so comforting to Livia.

She watched as Nik collapsed to the floor. Livia quickly rushed to him and carried him to the bed (he was weirdly light for a 15 year old). Stroking his hair worriedly, she frantically hurried to the medicine cabinet. "Liv don't. There's nothing you can do." Quell said, and Livia stopped in her tracks. Liv turned on her heel to face her brother, her eyes flashing dangerously. Quell made no effort to stop her, nor did he make an effort to back down. The Malcolm twins were both too stupid, too brash, to back down.

However, Livia did stop rushing towards the supplies. And she started towards her brother. "Quell? A word?" Livia said, the first civil thing she had said since her brother showed up. Quell gritted his teeth and stumbled forward. Grabbing his shirt collar, Livia pushed her brother backwards. "What the heck was that? Don't you respect my choices Quell? Nik would never do anything to hurt me!" She said, exasperated.

"Listen I'm sorry about Nik, I really am. Just the over protective brother thing, you know?" Quell said looking Liv straight in the eye.

"You're an asshole." Liv said, smacking her brother's cheek before turning to Nikolai. Quell reached for his cheek, trying to ignore the stinging sensation on his face combined with the massive bruise that was already starting to swell and blacken. But he wasn't sad. He was angry. And that made Quell both upset with himself and upset with Livia.

"Don't you dare tell me you wouldn't have done that for me. Because you did this with James." Quell called. Livia held up a very rude gesture without looking back at him.

"James is a bad person. He deserved every single bit of what I gave him. Nik isn't a bad person and deserves none of your crap." As Nik began to stir, Livia rushed her way to his bed, kneeling down next to him, her hand brushing back the hair from his forehead. "Are you okay?" She asked gently.


~Allison Argent reference sorry, I couldn't help myself~


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Fri May 09, 2014 6:45 pm

N I K O L A I   W I N C H E S T E R
Back in the clinic he'd stayed at for many months, Nik observed the nurses that took care of him when he had a relapse. There were somedays where he just wouldn't eat food, and when they tried to reason with him he screamed and kicked, which was so very unlike him that Nikolai scared even himself. There was a fierce monster inside him; a monster by the name of Monster Nik, and Monster Nik only showed himself him opportunity was bright and warm. The nurses at the clinic had to sedate the young demigod and insert a feeding tube into his stomach to make sure he got some nutrients. Nikolai knew that the nurses cared for him, but they didn't care about him in the slightest. Sure, they asked him how he was doing and if he felt well enough to take a walk outside. That was there job, and Nik knew they had to make small talk to ease the awkwardness of watching you eat. It just made everything run smoother. But never once in his time of being at the clinic, did they ask him about his pokêmon card collection, or what his favorite band was (it was All Time Low, by the way). Nik didn't blame them, who'd want to talk to someone as boring as he? 

Nikolai let his mind wander, traveling back to the times where he was happy. That was so long ago, and it was hard to find a memory in the past years where he actually smiled. The last time had to have been in 6th grade, the last day of school before he went to junior high. His father had gotten him a dog as a present, and Nik had named it Hawkins after James Hawkins from Treasure Planet. That day was the best he could remember, and then everything after that was shit. People were shit, school was shit. The only light in his life was isolating himself up in his room where Nikolai knew no one would bother him because no one gave a damn. Sam was too busy playing the popular ditzy blonde at school, and had no time for her dorky twig of a brother. Cas was too busy studying for college and getting a football scholarship to notice his little brother suffering from depression. His father hardly ever came home because he had to work all the time at the auto repair shop. Nik was left all alone, to his own devices, and sometimes that wasn't a good thing. Because if you were left alone, you thought things that weren't exactly happy thoughts. Thoughts like; maybe they are right. Maybe if I'm perfect they won't judge me anymore. And those unwanted thoughts would turn into unwanted actions that unraveled your life by a single thread. 

He slowly came to, and Nikolai was vaguely aware of Livia stroking the hair out of his eyes, as if they were shielding him from seeing. His head throbbed, and Nik knew that he had a concussion, as he couldn't quite remember the day or where he was. There was another injury he could put on the list of cuts and scrapes and bruises that just seemed to get longer and longer. Nik wasn't fine. His chest hurt and so did his head. Mentally he wasn't doing so good either. It didn't look great when his girlfriend's brother beat up her boyfriend, and Nik felt ashamed, as he should be. Still, he didn't want Liv to turn into one of those nurses at the clinic, so he lied. Nikolai smiled, flashing dazzling white teeth. Lying through his teeth. "Yeah, I'm fine." He said cheerily. Nik realized he was on the bed again, and he knew that Livia had carried him with no trouble. After all, he was just 100 pounds of skin and bones, not at all the ideal body type or weight for a boy his age, much less a demigod. The world swirled around him, colors and textures and lights becoming just blurry streaks. Nikolai lifted a shaky hand to his head and felt tenderly at his skull. Livia and Quell fighting wasn't helping his already aching head. "Though, if you could stop arguing, that'd be spectacular because A) Siblings aren't supposed to fight and B) Massive headache." With that, Nikolai laid back on the pillows, closing his eyes and his usually happy face turning that into one of discomfort and sadness, and all he did was focus on not throwing up. 


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Wed Jun 25, 2014 11:23 pm



Livia Malcolm

Liv was actually concerned for Nik, but she saw the lie the way it was. She wanted him to be okay, but he wasn't. Not in the slightest. Liv wrapped her fingers around Nik's - his palms were clammy and cold against her warm ones. She had lied about the same question enough times to know that Nik would never admit to being injured. Maybe from pride, maybe from embarrassment. Liv didn't really care.

She could feel Quell's presence behind her, awkwardly looking at Nik, unsure of himself. Of course, to Livia, she could see nothing past her anger towards her twin.  Normally his place near her felt like a comfort, but today it felt like a stab in the neck, a constant reminder that her brother was looking - of what he had done, of why he had done it. Liv felt strangely detached from her brother and she hated it. Liv leaned down to kiss Nik's forehead, muttering right above his forehead, so no one but Nik could hear. "No you're not. Liv quickly realized that Quell probably knew what she said, but she wished he had the decency to not stare at her like that.

"Then you obviously didn't have any siblings, because they're supposed to fight. It's just what siblings do. And we don't normally fight, Quell's just being…" Liv paused. She didn't really have a good word to describe how Quell was acting. weird." Liv finished. She knew Quell was rolling his eyes or gritting his teeth or something, but Liv had to look back as he cleared his throat to picture his expression.

"I heard that, I'm not an inanimate object, as much as you'd like to believe. I have ears. And, luckily, - legs, so I'm leaving." Quell stated, matter of factly, letting his anger and disappointment with himself whirl  deep inside him as it had all these months.  Liv muttered something about Quell only having one leg and then looked up suddenly as he walked over, slapped her in the face, and promptly limped out. She had not been expecting that in the least and Liv, stared out the door, wide eyed in surprise. Quell would have never done that - he was supposed to have more control, supposed to make more rational decisions. What had happened to the old Quell? Liv shook her head, clenching Nik's hand tighter.


"We don't decide who lives and dies. Not down here."


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Thu Jul 03, 2014 11:54 pm


nikolai winchester - - - -

Nikolai had wanted to be a brave solider. Someone who could knock down the toughest of enemies for all things right and just in the world. As a child, the young demigod would run around his apartment with a ruler, pretending to be a knight of camelot, slaying the dragon (played by Cas, naturally) and rescue the damsel in distress (Sam, as she was the only girl in the family) and Nik felt powerful and in control, like he was important and loved. Well, he knew that his family loved him unconditionally, but the boy always felt undermined. That was why being brave, but not stupidly brave, was important to him. Sadly, Nik knew that he was anything but heroic, despite everything he had overcome. He didn’t think highly of himself, he didn’t think anyone else did either, not even Livia. He sighed as she kissed his forehead. The boy tried smiling again, as if he didn’t have a care in the world and everything was right as rain. “No, really I am.” Smiling worked for him at least. For a moment Nikolai was able to pretend that he didn’t have a very possible concussion and bruised ribs and a headache that could have mortals screaming at the top of their lungs. The pain wasn’t too bad, Nik had experienced worse, and right now on a scale of one to ten it was about a 5. Even so, he reached for some nectar on the bedside table and drank a bit, the familiar taste of warm apple cider sliding down his throat.

“I never fought with my siblings.” Nikolai explained, shutting his eyes again, because sunlight hurt his brain, which was battered and torn up by physical and mental misfortunes he endured his entire life from the age of 7 onward. “Cas and Sam fought a lot, but I don’t like conflict so I maintained peace with them.” It was true, and also mildly pathetic. Nik never liked fighting, even as a child, and that was probably he would make such a piss poor knight of camelot. He couldn’t handle lightly tapping Cas on the shoulder without fussing over whether he’d hit too hard or left a red mark. He opened his eyes for a little bit to look from Livia to Quell, half smiling as he did so. “You Malcolm twins are something else, I gotta tell you.” Nikolai looked down at his hand, which was intertwined with his girlfriend’s. Even this contact made him a little euphoric, despite the circumstances. 

As Quell started to walk out the door, Nikolai Winchester couldn’t help but feel slightly relived. He knew that the twin just wanted to protect the other, and he couldn’t blame him in the slightest. Hell, all Nik wanted to do ever since their fateful meeting was protect Livia and keep her safe from harm. The useless demigod wasn’t probably the best option, that would be Quell, but deep down Nik knew that she didn’t need protecting. Well, physical anyway. Nightmares had made Livia come to Nikolai in the middle of the night, and he was okay with that because everyone got scared and needed a hand to hold once in a while, and he’d always be there for Liv when she needed that. But he was kind of scared of Quell. After all, he had just punched Nik and caused his skull to crack open. So when Liv made a comment about her brother’s leg, Nikolai wanted to cover her mouth and laugh nervously and say that she didn’t really mean it. Needless to say he refrained, and because of that his girlfriend got slapped. Nikolai felt a rush of anger flow through his veins, and he wanted to be the hero that he knew he was and jump on Quell as he left the infirmary and punch him until the boy was a bloody mess on the ground outside. He didn’t do this, mostly because he didn’t feel like getting beat up again because chances were Nik would lost to Quell for a second time in less than an hour, and it was humiliating enough the first time. He squeezed Livia’s hand tight, and with his other free hand traced the red mark appearing on her cheek softly like a butterfly’s delicate wing. “I’m sorry he did that to you. Do you want me to get anything for you? I could go beat him up, if you like." And then Nikolai gave a smile again, as if that would make Liv all better.
- - - - - - - this can be our song


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Mon Aug 18, 2014 10:20 pm



Livia,



Liv rolled her eyes to mask her concern at Nik's comments. "And how many people before me believed you? Because that's the worst plaster smile I've ever seen. And people who are fine don't reach for something that could potentially burn you up. " Liv said stoically, rummaging around in the cupboards for some aspirin - it was too dangerous for Nik to have more ambrosia, and the last thing Liv wanted was for him to die from the fire . "Campers have to take a basic first aid course, remember?" Liv said, as she put the pill and a cup of water in Nik's hand.

"You're lucky then." Livia said, pressing her lips together in a hard line. She and Quell fought all the time at home, but it was over stupid things, and neither of them ever came out really angry at the other. But now their fights were more frequent and they both had such a stubborn streak that they stayed mad at each other for longer. "Quell and I both have an unfortunate anger streak." Liv said, knowing that she was admitting a part of her that she was reluctant to show. It made her feel out of control, and not in the good way. Liv liked to be able to control her own actions, at least. "Something is one way to describe it." Liv muttered, re-attaching her hand to Nik's and wrapping her palms against his warm hand. She would have used the word messed up, but Liv refrained from saying anything.

Feeling a rush of anger flow through her, Liv struggled to conceal it. Of course she loved Nik, and of course she loved Quell, but having to pick between the two of them was like playing tug of war with her own heart. She'd known Quell for 9 months more than anyone else, even her father. Of course he totally deserved everything Nik would give him, but then again, it was extremely far fetched. That Quell would actually get what he deserved. "No." Liv said quickly. "Quell can be an asshole sometimes, but he's my brother. If anyone is going to beat him up, it's me." Liv spoke the truth. She could give Quell exactly what he deserved, but she drew the line at other people beating him up. "Plus. no offense, but he'd beat the shit out of you, even with one leg." Liv shrugged, leaning over Nik to give his shoulder a pat.


"We don't decide who lives and dies. Not down here."


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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Mon Aug 18, 2014 11:07 pm

Nikolai Winchester

Nik closed his eyes, sighing heavily as he finally let the pain get to him. If there was one thing that he was, it was weak. Everyone knew it. Everyone around camp knew that Nikolai was a weakling who couldn’t handle even a sprained ankle, let alone a cracked skull and bruised ribs. Of course, his brittle birdlike bones didn’t help to disprove that theory. Even Nik knew that he was weak, and if he knew it surely Livia did too. At times it seemed like she knew him better than he knew himself, and that scared Nik. What’s to say Livia wouldn’t find out his secret? The one he’d been trying forever to avoid sharing and having people worry about him? Still, he smiled weakly, trying to hide his painful demeanour. “A lot of them.” Lie. They never cared. “But you know me too well I guess. I can’t lie to you like I can lie to others, can I?” That wouldn’t keep Nikolai from trying in the slightest. For as long as he could, he’d lie to Livia about his wellbeing. Not because he didn’t trust her to take care of him, but because he didn’t want her to worry about him. If she started worrying, it wouldn’t be good for Nik. He’d feel like a burden, and then slowly inch away from her life as quickly as he had come. No one needed to worry about Nikolai. The starved demigod laughed harshly, his entire body wracking with the motion. Apparently he was still too thin, but Nik didn’t believe anyone who told him that. “I’d go up in a blaze of glory.” Burning up in a column of flames was the only way that Nikolai Winchester was going to shine bright and leave scorch marks on this world. Nik watched as Liv got him a pill and a cup of water, and he rolled his eyes but took it anyways as a sign of good faith. If it would make Livia happy, then Nik would do it. But the pills and water reminded him of his time in the clinic, when they drugged him so they could insert a feeding tube into him when he refused to eat for days. “I wouldn’t know, I skip all the classes.” Nikolai’s smile was suddenly gone, his gaze staring off into the past. 

His family life at home wasn’t perfect by any means, and Nik would give anything to have a sibling relationship like Liv had with Quell, fights and quarrels and all. His older brother and sister were great to a fault, and he knew he could go to them for any problem no matter how big or small it was. However, when it came to family outings or quality time with one another, the Winchesters greatly ignored their family members, which saddened the boy greatly. Yes, as a child they were close, all three of them peas in a pod. But with high school and adult life taking its tool on the older kids, Nik grew apart from them, and being a demigod didn’t help any. “You’re lucky you two are close. I’m pretty sure Sam can’t even remember my birthday.” Nik solemnly replied, still having a thousand-yard stare in his strikingly icy blue eyes. When Livia mentioned her anger, the demigod could only slightly smile and nod in agreement. She hadn’t ever taken her wrath out him him, per say, but he’d seen it during battle and even he wanted to run away from her when she had a blade in her hands. “That’s what I like about you.” He said to her, trying his best to put on a real smile but finding it hard. If Livia knew him, what was the point of hiding from her? When Liv held his hand, Nik at first tensed up, reverting to his time in the clinic. The nurses often held his hand while taking his blood pressure or inserting an IV into him, their holds on him not at all friendly and warm like Liv’s was. After a while he realised this and relaxed into her touch, almost wanting to spill all of his secrets.

Now Nikolai Winchester wasn’t a fool. Naive and a nerd, maybe, but those were different things. He could tell when Livia had anger pent up in her, and just like she could tell a real smile from a plaster one, Nik could tell when she was trying not to explode into a fiery ball of anger and frustration. The demigod nudged her shoulder. “You can go after him if you want. I don’t care. Blood is thicker than water.” But they sat there, and Nikolai just traced his ghostly white thumb across the pad of Livia’s hand, noticing the contrast between their skin. He shook his head, almost having a full smile on his face now. “You’re stubborn. Beating up your own brother. That’s so freaking cliche and I love it.” Nik respected Liv so much, and even more so when she said things like that. “No of course I don’t take offence to that. I mean, I can’t even handle being pushed on the ground without almost bleeding to death."
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PostSubject: Re: Things we Lost in the Fire || Livolai    Today at 4:36 pm

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