Posts : 66 Join date : 2013-01-28 Age : 13 Location : In the sun chariot, sorry Maserati
Subject: My REAL character! Wed Apr 24, 2013 6:12 pm
Name: Jayde Lynn Age/Birthday:Dec 17th Gender: Female God Parent: Hephaestus Claimed: Yes Mortal Family: Alyssa and Ben Lynn Years in Camp: 2 Brief History: Jayde has had two brothers but they have both died. Her mortal parents divorced once but got back together. Jayde always doubted that her dad was the real one. Jayde is a popular girl in school and has many friends. When Jayde ran away from home she discovered camp and was greeted by Chiron and taken in. Physical Appearance: Jayde has brown eyes and brown hair. She has a few freckles acoss her nose. Jayde is very skinny. She has natural highlights at the bottom of her hair. Jayde doesn't like to wear jewelry but she'll wear it on special occasions. Personality: Jayde is a very funny girl which has earned her friends. She can also be very shy around new people. Jayde really defends other people especially when it comes to friends. Jayde always tells the truth and is a very honest person. Fatal Flaw: Loyalty Pets: No pets Talents: Jayde can build anything very useful within five minutes. For example:Jayde can build a weapon or flashlight etc.She can smell any metal fatigue or anything that has to do with metal and gears. Jayde only uses her powers for good and to help others. For weapons she can build daggers or knives. Weapons: A dagger similar to Annabeth's. Her dagger is celestial bronze. Year-Round or Summer: Jayde only stays during summers at camp.
I hope you approve of my character!
Last edited by gabby500 on Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:33 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : I needed to change my character.)
Beanie If you can't have Scott McCall, why bother?
Posts : 2096 Join date : 2011-06-12 Age : 16 Location : eternally stuck in Hades
Subject: Re: My REAL character! Wed Apr 24, 2013 6:44 pm
She's much better, but she still needs another sentence for her brief history and her personality.
And can you elaborate on her history a little bit? It's slightly confusing.
other than that she looks pretty good ;) (I don't quite know about her powers, but the real character mods will probably be able to sort that out.)
"We don't decide who lives and dies. Not down here."
Posts : 2998 Join date : 2011-12-17 Age : 21 Location : neither here nor there
Subject: Re: My REAL character! Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:41 am
Ah, sorry. Next time, post in your topic that you've edited your character.
Again, the first power is vague. The issue is not the time she can use it - it's with the power's limitations. Like I said before, please specify what you mean by 'anything very useful'. Also add drawbacks to her ability to summon fire. Jayde is running the risk of being too overpowered and limits and disadvantages would help balance her out.
Posts : 3627 Join date : 2011-11-22 Age : 18 Location : burning in the underworld
Subject: Re: My REAL character! Sat May 18, 2013 12:47 pm
alright hi so I've looked over your character and there are just a few more things that i find little problems with. sorry! Firstly, her power seems a little vague. I mean, would she be able to make a nuclear bomb in two minutes? You need to limit what she can and can't make in two minutes, and perhaps make it, say, five minutes instead of two because two seems a wee bit unrealistic?
Also, although this isn't really necessary, you could maybe make the whole app a little more detailed? Because I just feel like it's wearing a little thin when it comes to detail? If you could fix this then pop a new message and one of us will check your app out again. cool cool.