Posts : 3627 Join date : 2011-11-22 Age : 18 Location : burning in the underworld
Subject: let the pills do the talking, Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:33 am
Hey, so I thought I might just make this topic and place all my self-para's under here. The originally idea was by wither Summer or Crispy, although a lot of people have really used thus idea too so i thought I may as well be organized and do the same. I will only post completed self-para's here because I always have stuff on the go that I can't finish. So yes, here they are (or, whoever many I have actually finished).
Posts : 3627 Join date : 2011-11-22 Age : 18 Location : burning in the underworld
Subject: Re: let the pills do the talking, Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:37 am
I will never let you go
The photograph felt surprisingly heavy between Jacob's shaking fingers and the seventeen year old was starting to find it more and more difficult to try and focus on something else. Did he want to think about anything else? He doubted so, or else he wouldn't have retrieved the photo from its hidden place between the wooden panelling on the bottom of his bed, just so he could look at it again. It was almost as if a sub-conscious corner of his mind needed to keep the image fresh in his mind, which was like a slap to the face. He knew that he needed to push all his thoughts away and just move the heck on, but it was harder for the Canadian boy to do so than many may think. He was different; he was careful; he was delicate. Call it what you will, he wasn't as hard-shelled as many his age would like to be. He wasn't good at moving on, even if he could pretend that he was.
Smiling up at him was a girl with bright-blue eyes and dark blonde hair. Her lips had pulled back on either side to reveal nearly-perfect teeth. Her bangs partially covered her eyes though, and Jacob immediately wanted to tuck a few lock of it behind an ear. He wanted to reach into the picture, even though he was technically already there. Besides the girl, with an arm around her shoulders, was a younger-version of himself. They both were grinning at the camera like they had nothing to worry about; like they didn't have to go back to an abusive father when they got home; like dating each-other when you're legal siblings is normal. Everyone needs an escape from the harsh realities of life at one point, right? For both he and Lucy, it had been secret trips out with friends from school and attempting to just be normal teenagers for once in their twisted lives. They had at least deserved that and Jacob wished he could live it all over again, just because he knew what was about to come for them both and the horrors they would face.
Everything was so messed up in his world. His siblings - the majority of them anyway - had never even experienced a taste of what Jake had, and that's why he was jealous of them. All of them. No matter what had happened to them, or what was to come, Jacob was sure that they would have it much easier than he ever had. Just the thoughts of his father made his blood boil, his fists curling around the photograph as if it was nothing, and it didn't mean anything to him. He was living in the heat of the moment, but he was sure that he would regret throwing that piece of memory to the ground in a pathetic surge of both anger and frustration. He didn't get in a state like this often but when he did, he doubted anyone would wish to cross him; moody Jacob wasn't really something many liked to see, and it normally marred his caring and compassionate image.
Slamming the door to his cabin behind him as he barged through the threshold, Jacob took a quick and threatening glance around the courtyard quickly as he pulled the hood of his grey hoodie up over his hair. The son of Nyx wasn't surprised that it was practically empty; it was nearing winter, and most campers only stayed during the summer. If he did this, he would have nowhere else to live unless in a youth hostel or foster-home. The thought always seemed to depress the boy; knowing that, if something went wrong and happened to the camp, he would become officially homeless. He knew he wouldn't be able to live long like this, seeing as he craved the need of human socialization and a warm place too much. He was loyal but extremely attached to everything he had at camp; going without all of this for too long would surely make him crack in ways he hadn't yet. The teenager thought he had had enough of this undeserved pain inflicted upon him since birth; he prayed to the gods that they would finally show him a little bit of mercy.
He knew that they didn't know. Jacob still had to watch his father turn on both himself and Lucy. It haunted his dreams almost every night, and it wouldn't be unusual for the boy to find himself drenched in a cold sweat and struggling to get breath into his lungs. He shook, paralyzed, as he was forced to watch the girl he loved being hurt in all ways he bet possible; emotionally and physically. Many a time would the two of them have to come to the decision that school was a danger to them and that they should stay locked away in the dark until the marks and bruises disappeared. It was almost as if he had to live in the dark for quite a good proportion of his life, so it made sense that he could be considered as a child of the night. He hadn't just adapted to it.
Lucy though...Lucy had had it bad. It had almost driven the teenager insane; being locked away so much. Jake remembered all the times he would cross the hallway to find that she had bolted her bedroom door shut just to make sure that Owen wouldn't be able to find a way in and take his spontaneous burst of anger out on his adopted daughter. Her paranoia and extreme insecurity was something that most girls would never experience, all because of the eighteen years of living in fear of doing something that would result in her pain. It was sick, twisted and wrong.
The frost-covered grass crunched beneath his bright Supra high-tops, and the contrast between the two colors was confusing. It was early morning, and the sun had only just started to rise through the morning sky, but it was cold; cold enough that Jacob's breath transformed into fog before his eyes as his heat mingled with the ice-bite of breeze. His cheeks were already to develop quite a rosy blush in colour, but Jacob didn't think he could stay inside any longer. The walls and snores of his siblings were closing in on him, and he needed the space were he could just think. Or at least, try and get all the thoughts from his mind. He didn’t know what he was trying to conquer from leaving his cabin but whatever it was, he hadn’t yet been achieved. He was still as pissed at the world as he had been moments before.
It was safe to say that Jacob definitely wasn’t a morning person.
Head down and watching the ground, the son of Nyx wasn’t heading to anywhere in particular, so it took his moment to realize that he was heading the direction of the lake. Very few people passed him as he headed down there and even less looked or tried to make eye-contact with him; he just looked like any other teenager dressed in sweats. He probably looked like he was getting ready to go on a jog. If only he could run away from everything that had ever caused him grief; he would never be able to stop. Lost in his own thoughts and not expecting to have to watch out with any on-comers, Jake stumbled a step when his shoulder collided with someone else’s, successfully being able not to trip over his own two feet. Hood falling down to reveal a mess of brown hair, the seventeen year-old head snapped up to try and see who it was; some blonde kid his age that he barely recognized. What the heck? Why was he going around bumping into strangers. “Sorry.” Jacob murmured quickly, not being able to be angry at anyone else. It was his nature to be nice, he guessed. Just as he started to edge around the boy and carry on walking, the kid stopped his and Jacob watched as his eyes widened like he knew him. “Jake?”
Out of habit, Jacob winced; not liking being called that. It just sounded so childish! Another reason for hating his dad, just because he gave him this terrible name. “it’s Jacob.” He immediately corrected, coming across blunt. “Sorry…I don’t…I don’t know who you are.” He grimaced again and felt bad for not being able to know who this teenager was. He just had so many siblings and friends at this place, so he couldn’t remember every person he came across. It wasn’t likely, or possible. He wasn’t even that well known, so why the heck would anyone know who he was anyway, and he them?
The boy’s eyebrows furrowed, making the long white scar across his cheek seem even more prominent, but continued to watch the seventeen year old nevertheless. It made Jacob feel a little awkward so he shuffled on the balls of his feet. In all honesty, no matter how much Jacob wouldn’t be able to say this to the boy in front of him, he really just wanted to keep on walking. He wasn’t in the mood for socialising, right now. Pulling the hood of his grey sweatshirt top up to cover his array of messy hair, Jacob’s lips pressed into a line and he was forced to look at the blonde boy again when he spoke out. “Hey, it’s Klaus. Remember?” Jake’s face must have remained blank, because the other teenager continued. “From cabin eleven? We’re friends, man!” He reached out to grab Jacob’s arm, who sort of stopped at the touch yet didn’t push it away. At least, not aggressively. He just shrugged it off, shaking his head after a moment.
“Sorry, it’s not ringing a bell.” He simply stated, feeling as if everyone was trying to mess with his head. He didn’t know this Hermes guy, so why was he stopping him? He didn’t remember him anyway. He just wanted to be left alone in a hell of his own thoughts and nightmares that would indeed haunt him from the inside. He heard his name being called from down the pathway, but Jacob made no attempt of slowing his pace or looking back. He proceeded towards somewhere that would hopefully provide an escape from his paralyzing thoughts. He ended up near the waters edge of the creek, his legs swinging back and forth beneath him as he sat on the edge of the wooden platform. The water just looked so peaceful; Jake was immediately jealous of it. The son of Nyx lobbed a large pebble at the currents, trying to wreck the smooth peace and tranquillity that it had. His thoughts remained on his twisted life even if he was trying to preoccupy his mind right now.
If he could see Lucy again, what would he do? He didn’t know; it caused him internal heartache just thinking of her. She was just a figment of his imagination now. She could be anyway in the whole of North America, if not the world. He hoped that, wherever she was and whoever she was with, she was happy even if he was still finding it hard to move on. He tried as hard as he could to put a smile on his face and move on, but his eyes never really held the same light and colour that they used to, even when he had been at home and beaten. At least then he had had some sort of way to get out of the torture. There would be times where he would feel like giving up and doing something stupid, and there had been times where he just felt like pushing his father out of the bedroom window, but he hadn’t. Neither had she, and she had been at home suffering much longer than he had. That was why she was strong, and why he needed her.