I Came Out

On Tuesday, September 25, 2012, I came out to my parents as a pansexual.

So, I've been a pansexual for a while. I believe I've always known I was gender blind. I've never thought anything against it as a kid. I thought everyone was like me. But alas, I grew up, and saw that being a homosexual was frowned upon, especially in Texas. Hell, one of my heterosexual cousins was pushed around by my other cousins, and I didn't want to be him. It would probably be worse if I came out. So I was terrified of my parents finding out. Maybe not so much my mom, because she has a lot of gay friends and understands, but because of my dad.

My dad is an asshole. I don't know of any other way to put it. I hate him, I always have. He has verbally abused my mother and me since as long as I can remember. He verbally abused my brother and sister too, but I'm not going to drag them into this. May they rest in peace.

But anyway, back to my father. If any of you can remember that older person in your family that is stuck in the past and hates African Americans, you can imagine my father. He's racist, and a homophobic. A fun guy to bring to parties, eh? So you can imagine me being terrified of coming out to him. Or at least, I hope you do.

I'm going to admit, the way I came out to my parents wasn't the best way. I started out by asking my dad what was his view on legalizing gay marriage. He said he thought they shouldn't have the same rights as we do, because marriage is something that is sacred between a man and a woman.

...Are you kidding me? Are you serious? And I'm sitting at the table, on the verge of breaking down because I know, I know I made the wrong decision. My bigot of a father is not going to accept me, and I know it. (I also feel my IQ dropping because I'm listening to him say how homosexuals aren't real people and they don't deserve the same rights. He's talking about being a homosexual as if it's a disease and he doesn't want to catch it.)

So my mom's freaking out, asking why it matters so much, and my dad gets pissed off and leaves the house. So my mom manages to get me to tell her that I'm a pansexual, and is kind of pissed off I never told her. And she's saying she doesn't want me to be suicidal, and blah blah blah. And I feel like slapping her or screaming in her face because I was depressed and suicidal for like a year and this woman never noticed. My mother, the person who is supposed to know me the best, never knew I was depressed. Well ok.

So about half an hour ago, I showed my dad this video. My dad plays Call of Duty and is constantly yelling "THAT'S GAY" and other crap. I was growing tired of him saying that, especially because I came out to him. I stood up to my father, and how does he react? He laughs in my face.

I am done. I can't put up with him anymore. He's a racist, sexist, homophobic asshole and I am ashamed that I share my last name with him. I am ashamed of sharing blood with him.