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Camp Half Blood is the sister site of Camp Jupiter.

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 this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)

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Erin (Granger)



Posts : 548
Join date : 2012-01-10
Age : 16
Location : Gravity Falls, Oregon

PostSubject: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:21 am

Name:
Isabel Coleman

Age:
16

Birthday:
March 8

Gender:
Female

Godly Parent:
Peitho, goddess of persuasion

Claimed:
Yes

Mortal Family:
Peter Coleman, a cashier at Walmart(deceased)

Years in Camp: 6

Brief History:
Isabel grew up in a stinky,dingy apartment building with her father, who worked at a Walmart. Her father, Peter barely had enough money to take her to school. They didn't have a car, so Isabel had to walk the two miles it took to get to her school. Besides the fact that she was physically abused, and was worn out each day from walking to and back from school, her grades were slipping. She had practically nothing. She would have preferred to die than to live like that the rest of her life.

Physical Appearance:
Isabel has bruises on her face, both from getting to camp, and her father's abuse. She has long, wavy blonde locks, and electric blue eyes. She has a long scar down her arm, which was given to her when her father took a knife to her arm after she failed fourth grade. She is 110 lbs, a weight she is proud of.

Personality:
Isabel's personality is almost like Umbridge from Harry Potter. She appears sweet, innocent and harmless, but she is actually cold and ruthless. She is practically a monster in a human body, and isn't afraid to kill someone in cold blood. She is too confident in her abilities, which has gotten her a long, red scar down her right arm. She used to be a sweet, kind girl, but the years of abuse and wear hardened her into the monster she is today. She would never tell anybody, but she has a soft spot for watching old Disney movies.

Fatal Flaw:
Overconfidence

Pets:
None, she doesn't like animals.

Talents:
Seduction, and she is quite skilled with a dagger.

Weapons:
A long, silvery dagger.

YR or Summer:
YR

Other:
She is planning on releasing a monster into camp, and then sneaking off to join Kronos.



Last edited by Dangerous Grangerous on Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:56 am; edited 6 times in total
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Kat
Experienced Poster


Posts : 4489
Join date : 2011-06-29
Age : 19
Location : searching...

PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:45 am

She needs more flaws. She is leaning towards a Mary-Sue more than anything else. You say she is "Beautiful" and "Intelligent" despite being beaten and word down every day. Add more description to every detail of the body and mind. It gives more of a chance of flaw.
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Erin (Granger)



Posts : 548
Join date : 2012-01-10
Age : 16
Location : Gravity Falls, Oregon

PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:33 am

Hopefully fixed!
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monkey baby
Mega Asshole Duo


Posts : 10034
Join date : 2010-05-04
Age : 19
Location : butthole PA

PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:48 am

Well, you certainly gave her flaws. But, you also turned her into the opposite of a Mary-Sue. She doesn't exactly have any positive traits about her and her history's a little lacking in detail, even though you hit all the minimum sentence requirements. If you could add a little more history on how she got to camp, she'll be accepted.
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Erin (Granger)



Posts : 548
Join date : 2012-01-10
Age : 16
Location : Gravity Falls, Oregon

PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:53 pm

whoo, okay. guess i'm out of touch with this.
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Angel
The Puppet Master


Posts : 4750
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 22
Location : in zans belly huhuh

PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Fri Jul 27, 2012 1:56 pm

You have the required amount in all areas. Although her personality does have a lot of flaws, her physical appearance sounds very beautiful.
I would suggest adding a good part to her personality, maybe a soft spot for something, but I'm going to accept her anyway.

Accepted!
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Erin (Granger)



Posts : 548
Join date : 2012-01-10
Age : 16
Location : Gravity Falls, Oregon

PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:55 am

name;

Jadelyn "Jade" Cantworth


age;

24 (appears 16)


birthday;

December 5

gender;

Female


godly parent;

Dionysus


claimed;

Yes


mortal family;

Jennifer Cantworth, Jade's mother.


years in hunters;

Eight


group;

Warriors
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PostSubject: Re: this needs no title (Jade is WIP, don't accept yet)   Today at 11:17 am

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