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Camp Half Blood is the sister site of Camp Jupiter.

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 Random 2nd

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Posts : 6
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 18
Location : My House 'ω'

PostSubject: Random 2nd   Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:01 pm

Name-Destel Ice Lenary
Age/Birthday-12/Augest 17
God Parent-Apollo
Mortal Parent-May Lenary
Mortal Family-May(mom), Fred(step dad), Zack(step brother)Juliet(step sister)
Years at Camp-4
History-Destel was born in L.A. and her and her mother moved to New Jersey and lived in Atlantic City,where Destel's mother married Fred.After they moved to long Island.But Destel kept getting in trouble,she wasnt allowed anywhere but school and her room.Her life was miserable.So she ran away.She ran to the big house,to stay for the night,but she ran into Chiron. “Oh,a new camper.Whats your name?”
“Well,Destel,come to the Hermes cabin,you will sleep there until you are claimed.”Chiron said as he guided her to the Hermes cabin,where everyone was asleep.Chiron gave her a sleeping bag,and put her to sleep right next to the door.In the morning Destel woke up,rolled up her sleeping bag,and put it against the wall. The day was full of avoiding lava(which Destel tryed to question,but no one answered),sword practice(Destel thought it was OK.,and bow n' arrow lesson(supposedly Destel is"gifted"at archery.When it was dinner time Destel gave part of her meal to her dad,telling him to claim her already.When she sat down everyone around her stopped talking,and looked at her.Well more like above her.She looked up and saw a lyre.Chiron said "Well looks like we have a new Apollo camper.(time skip)4 years later,Chiron gave her and some other guy a quest to get an Athena camper in Boston that goes to a boarding school.
Appearance-5‛3,olive skin.Long brown hair,(usually in a pony tail)blue eyes.If not wearing camp half blood tee than its her green tank with her Sun sweater.jean shorts or just jeans.She also has a birthmark!(to find it touch your nose,than drag your finger until its lined up with the corner of your eye that farthest from your nose(right eye),than go straight down to the bottom of your face,and thats were it is.)
Personality-Quiet, yet very funny.Destel mostly cares about herself,but is trying to learn that other people matter too.Destel is very quiet,but not sneaky.She couldnt sneak by some deaf person.She moves to much,doesnt step carefully,and doesn't check her surroundings.Also Destel doesnt have good imagination.if you see a picture in a cloud and askes her what she sees,it will be a cloud.She has NO imagination.
Fatal Flaw-Pride,and Trust.Destel couldnt trust another human if you paid her.Shes never trusted anyone since her mom locked her away in her room.
Pet-Bri.Bri is her bunny rabbit!
Talents-Healing,and being able to curse people by rhyming.
Weapon-Bow n' Arrows all the way!
Year-Rounder or Summer-Year-Rounder

Last edited by izzaroy on Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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lara croft
Vampire Slayer

Posts : 2291
Join date : 2012-06-06
Age : 19
Location : ireland

PostSubject: Re: Random 2nd   Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:18 pm

Hi, I'm Divina, but mostly people call me Vina.
Destel is a very good character, but I would give you some advice. Instead of the Female symbol, I would write 'Female' so that it was clearer. I would also say, read over the spelling and such. When your making a new sentence, the next word should have a capitol letter. As well, you could explain more her brief history. She ran away, but didn't have any question about the lava and such? Other than that, I would just say again mind your spelling. If you aren't sure of a word, type it into google.
Hope it helps!

throw ( roses ) into the abyss and say:
here is my thanks to the monster
who DIDN'T succeed in swallowing me alive.

characters | plot page | tumblr
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Experienced Poster

Posts : 2915
Join date : 2011-08-28
Location : in the middle of a cake

PostSubject: Re: Random 2nd   Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:49 pm

Your first character hasn't been accepted yet. You also need to put complete sentences in her Physical Appearance and Personality section. You NEED to keep all of your characters in ONE topic. Then when you follow mine and Vina's advice maybe your character will get accepted by an Admin or Mod.
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Chatbox Ruler
Chatbox Ruler

Posts : 5539
Join date : 2010-12-04
Age : 18
Location : your mom's house

PostSubject: Re: Random 2nd   Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:54 pm

For physical appearance and personality, you need four complete sentences. Right now there is a lot of description, but only random commas. Please fix this.

Also, dogs do not have powers, and your god parent can not give your character a gift. She is allowed to have a regular yorkie, but nothing more.

She is also far too powerful. Please take away some of her powers. I would suggest keeping the rhyming and healing powers and tossing the others out, because I'm a fan of those powers. The rhyme one is quite unique!

A final critique: please add a few more flaws. She's seems rather perfect.

Are you make those changes I'll look at her again.
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