[Lots of spelling / grammar errors, but I'm too tired and emotional to go back and fix them. Sorry.]
Hi all. How art thou? Well, enough with the small talk, I'm here for a reason.
You know how when you were little, adults would always say 'I'll tell you when you're older'?
Something happened when I was little, so my Mum used that phrase on me. Now, a number of years later, that same topic has resurfaced again. I was at my grandmas, with my mum, and they were talking about this perticular incident. Me being me, decided to listen in. What I heard was disturbing. And No perverts, you can stop coming up with ideas. It was scary disturbing. Something that even at age 15 I wasn't ready to hear. I tried to drown it out with a movie, and it worked. It was over. A few nights later though, I had a nightmare about that event. I woke up, and couldn't sleep, but I couldn't tell anyone about it. It still haunts my mind. The moral of this story kids, is that sometimes, when parents say that they will tell you when you are older, It is truely best not to know. [P.s, Sorry of the mix of Rant/Secret.]
Well another little rant, I feel as if I'm just at anyone's disposal. Like, they can use me for whatever they want, then ten minutes later not talk to me. It's not a good feeling you see. I had two best friends since kindergarden, and we've just always been close. M and N, I'll call them. M, is a girl, N, is a boy for your referance. WE were like the three muskateers, up until 6th grade. Mind, you, M has been treating me like crap all of our lives. I gave her all my attention when she wanted it, but when the tables were turned, she didn't give a crap about me. I bet you are asking yourself, wel why were they bestfriends? The answer is, I loved M. I loved her like a sister, people sometimes ever asked if we were sisters, thats how close we were. I couldn't throw away a whole lifetime of friendsship, I was determnded to make it work. A small example of how bad this was, I was over at M's house with her and one other friend on their trampoline, and I sprained my ankle. Now, when I was downstairs, crying, shivering, and waiting for my mom to come get me to take me to the ER, M and her friend were up in her room, not giver a S- Crap about me. Again, if positinos had been reversed, I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for her, if that is what she wanted. But really, How you you do that to someone you call your best friend? And now, finally, as of November, 2011, we have not spoken a word to each other, and it breaks my heart every day. But really, How was I supposed to let someone who treated me like that control my life? Everytime we were in a group I was the one who was ignored. And It was just time. Time for me to move on with my life. The worst part though? Her mom knew about it. HER MOM KNEW, AND LET HER CHILD DO THIS TO ME. Well that is best friend number one.
Now, BFF N.
We live oonly about two blocks away from each other, and practicly grew up at each other's houses, same as M. I guess the split was bound to happen, I mean after all he is a guy, so... yea. But we were fine. We hung out over summers, had inside jokes at shcool, but eventually he just started fading form me. Our conversations grew shorter and shorter, our moms had fights, and then her transferred schools in 8th grade. Since then, he hasn't really spoken to me. This wouldn't be a problem though, except the adultsare like, He likes you, thats why he won't talk to you. But if that's the case, why avoid eye contact in the halls? Why pretend like I don't exist? He talks to people I'm freinds with. ALL BUT ME. Does he think he's better that me? Isthat the case? How can you grow up with people who are always there, and then they just toss you away like garbage? Because I don't get it. I really don't. And I miss him. I really Miss him, and all I want is my friend back.
So, now that you have seen my two stories you can understand my trust issue. How can I be sure you won't sell out my secrets, or just dump me one day? This is why I don't confide in people anymore. This is why I'm built of secrets. And all I need is someone who understands how to unlcok them.